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Post Your Wise Words Here

16 years ago

Everybody's pain is different, & yet

everybody's pain is the same.

Use this thread to post words of wisdom about managing after a loss.

My first & foremost is

Don't do *anything* "big" for at least a year.

Don't sell the house (have people over instead).

Don't invest in anything new (get re-acquainted with your golden oldie things instead).

Don't buy a car, a boat, or a condo (rent a car & go to a national park instead).

Don't buy *anything* other than groceries & underwear "the first time":

leave your purse in the car when you go to the mall, so that you have to make a trip to the parking lot & back to buy something.

Better yet, leave your money & cards at home, except for emergency cash, & don't buy anything until tomorrow, after you've had a chance to sleep on it.

Don't add anyone to your bank account.

*anyone*.

Kids often want to take over, not realizing that taking over is not the same as helping, but they almost *always* get intoxicated on money & power, & within a year you'll have lost your money, your independence, & your relationshp with your children.

These next 2 sound like they apply only to the loss of a mate or partner, but I think they apply to any bereavement;

so many times we want to fill up grief's hollow ache & what better way than with romance or marriage?

Don't date

(go out with women friends or chaperone parties or trips for young ones instead).

Don't get married

(remember how much that cost Paul McCartney-

chances are you can't afford it).

next words of wisdom?

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Comments (5)

Ninapearl
16 years ago
well, sylvia, it looks like you pretty much covered the bases!

a few weeks after gary's death, i was having a really bad day, trying not to break down in front of his mom. she finally took me in her arms, gave me a big ole bear hug and said to me "we can't go around grief, we have to go THROUGH it."

i'm still a work in progress but i'm so much better just over 2 years later. :)
socks
16 years ago
Good for you, Nina. Gary was your husband? I'm so sorry he passed away. Well, his mother certainly got it right.

I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom. It's important to cry and cry and cry and then cry some more. It's important to talk about the loved one now gone.

It did comfort me when my mother died to know that even though she was gone, one thing which would never go away is my love for her.

It also comforted me to come here, to try to offer words of support to others. I visited often for at least a year after my mother died.
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kms4me
16 years ago
There is no time table for grief, or a wall graph to show it's many ups and downs.

Some people think that it is best to 'distract' people from their grief. People often say stupid things because they find simply listening uncomfortable. Forgive them, but actively seek out those who will let you share and talk and understand you.

Be kind to yourself.

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Ninapearl
16 years ago
you are SO right, kate!

yes, socks, gary was my husband and will always be my once in a lifetime true love. ;) he battled kidney cancer for 21 months before he got weary of fighting.

here's another one...

death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
evaf555
16 years ago
I am forever changed, but not forever broken.

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