New babies help so much. Two weeks before our son and granddaughter died, our second granddaughter was born to our second son. Without her, we wouldn't be nearly as healed as we are. They had their second girl a week ago, and this May, our youngest boy and his wife are having a baby boy. We, too, as you do, still have hard moments, and I guess I never understood the phrase "cry me a river" until I experienced our loss. I feel as though we've cried rivers already, and there is much more to come. Bless you, too.

Oh, Mav, CONGRATULATIONS to all of you! What a wonderful blessing.

I didn't want to start a new thread for this - it is going to be a boy and his name will be Samuel. He is due Nov.19 which is 4 days before Bob's anniversary, his didn't want us to be sad that week.
Thank you everyone for all the support you have given to me these past few months.

Congratulations,

Mavis, Congratulations!! Yea! I love new babies! Well, all kids really. This is wonderful news.

I attended my niece's wedding on Saturday and cried the
entire weekend along with the mother of the bride - my sister. The entire time I felt my wife should be here with me but, of course, she wasn't. My sister lost her oldest child 5 years ago so this was a tough day for her too. We talked a long time about these "happy-sad" events and how big life events like this will remind us of those that are gone and will be hard for us for some time.

Doc

Babies really are wonderful newsÂthey bring so much healing in addition to everything else. And I really do believe it's possible (even likely) that your husband picked Samuel out for all of you.

Susan

Samuel Dean was born Nov. 11, 2007, 12 days before his "Poppi's" first anniversary, he is beautiful and healthy.
I have passed all the "firsts" and life is getting a bit easier but the holidays are hard, even the baby's birth was tinged with some sadness (for me). I haven't been around here for a while but I have been thinking about everyone and hoping that you are all doing well. The depth of the pain has lessened but it is still there and I still cry myself to sleep some nights. I still love Bob and I always will but I hope that the sadness keeps getting less. Do you think it is normal to feel just a little guilty at the times when I feel happy?
I wish one and all a healthy New Year and I pray that we will all find a reason to be happier in 2008.
God Bless,
Mav.

I don't know if any of the people above are still around here, if you are I want to say Hi and how are you doing? It has been 3 1/2 years since I lost Bob and I would say that I was doing very well untill the 3 rd. year hit,I am having a struggle keeping it together again. I guess the real problem is that holding myself together and trying to look to eveyone else that I am OK is becoming a heavy burden, I just want to break down an yell I'M NOT OK YET, I STILL CRY AND GET PANICKED KNOTS IN MY STOMACHE WHEN IT HITS ME AGAIN THAT HE ISN'T COMING BACK. I'm told that this never goes away but that you learn to manage it better - WHEN? I would just like to talk to him for a few minutes, hug him and have him hug me, I miss not having him hold me.
OK. That's it. I just wanted to vent.
PS Samuel is 2 1/2 now and beautiful.

I'm so sorry, mav.

I know alisande is around, I think she usually posts at the Kitchen Table.

I think maybe you can "break down & yell I'm NOT OK YET" etc, that you *can* tell your loved ones that sometimes you feel like howling & hollering & that you get panic-knots in your stomach.

It sounds odd, but I think they'll be better able to respond to you now, to offer sympathy & support, than they would have been right at first;
at first, they were used to thinking of the two of you together.

I think one of the hardest things about losing a spouse is learning to think of yourself as 'one' again, & to have to witness the awkwardness in your loved ones' attitudes as they learn the same thing-
to recognize you as 'one' instead of as half of a couple.

After 3 years, they're more likely to be able to respond to your need because now they know 'you' better.

& I know that those feelings of being lost in the dark don't ever completely disappear;
sometimes grief looms up out of nowhere & tries to overwhelm us, but like they say, the best defense is a good offense.

Darkness & loss & emptiness can't survive light & joy;
fill yourself up with the joys around you, don't leave room for despair;
enjoy that baby, live your life with relish, get up every day & find the brightness.

When you think of him, reflect on the joy you experienced together, on the blessings that he left you.

I wish you the best.

Sylvia,
Thank you for your encouragement, I really need it.As a wife and a mother it is hard to show your vunerable side because you are used to being strong for your family.My thoughts are that they lost their father and they need to know that I am alright so that they can grieve but maybe I should show them just a little bit of my side. I do live my life with relish with my friends and family but it is after you close the door behind you and you are alone. Some days I can smile and remember all the good and fun things we had between us and some days I miss him so badly.
Time marches on and so will I, I guess.
Thank you again for your encouraging words.
Mavis

Mavis great, for the new baby, toddler, soon a little boy!

I hide behind sarcasm myself, but I wish I could tell someone how lonely I feel, sometimes. I was actually doing okay until last month. Jeff's birthday passed, and then what would have been our 25th anniversary. This week I've regressed to crying in the car and at home.

Hello Evaf,
I have regressed to the same thing just a couple of months ago. I retired, because I couldn't stand my job any longer, and I knew that being home would be a little difficult. I am busy nearly every day but even when I am in a crowd having a good time I am sad because I am "alone". I don't want to stop missing him, I just want the pain to go away. Does that make sense?

hi mavis. i completely understand how the 3rd year was harder for you. i lost the love of my life a little over 2.5 years ago. i *thought* i was doing pretty well, too, but going into this 3rd year has been tough. the first year, i was in a fog. the second year, it was becoming real. this 3rd year, well, it IS real. i am realizing i will not see gary until i join him. as much as i would love to hold him again and see his smile, i'm not ready yet so i live with the wonderful memories we made over 11+ years together.

so glad to know your grandbabies are helping! not sure i will ever experience that myself but my only child, a son, is getting married in october. i love his future bride, gary loved her very much and while i am thrilled and looking forward to the wedding, it will be bittersweet because i won't have him by my side.

i am, however, planning a couple of surprises for the bride and groom...have rented a wedding carriage and also am making arrangements to do a monarch butterfly release not only to "give wings" to their love/marriage but also to honor gary and other family members who will be there only in spirit.

hang in there, we are women...hear us roar! ;)

nina