skip to main content

neighbor's son died

17 years ago

My next door neighbors' 18 year old son passed away this weekend. He was killed in a car accident five minutes from his home. It was a one-vehicle accident during the early morning hours. Tragic. I do not know these neighbors well (didn't even know their son's name to be honest) Have lived next door to them for four years. I feel horrible that the only interaction I ever had with their son was yelling at him to stop shooting his bb gun at our house when they first moved in.

I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is to lose a child. My ex boyfriend (first love) was killed in a car accident when I was only 17 and he was 20. To this day, I still miss him and this happened 13 years ago. I know it is probably different when you lose your child. But I do know the pain never goes away, it just dulls over time.

I want to reach out to them somehow but am unsure what to do. I have thought about sending a card or flowers (but honestly, they wouldn't know me by name). My fiance thinks he should stop over and talk to them but I feel its a bad idea as they probably just want to be left alone and we've never really talked to them any other time (except when they first moved in, and to tell them their 14 year old son was shooting at our house). We live out in the country and people mostly keep to themselves. I didn't even know it was their son until I read about it in the paper and put two and two together. What should I do? If you've been through a similiar situation what did any of your neighbors do?

Featured Answer

silversword

17 years ago

Freezer food is always a nice gift. It depends on how involved you want to get. You could offer in your card that if they ever need anything, you're just a driveway away.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (6)

katyrose
17 years ago
I lost my son last Sep 2008. Because you have never really befriended the parents and you don't know their son's name, I think you should just send a sympathy card with your name and in parentheses write "your neighbor next door."
Related Discussions
John Travolta's son died
Q
Comments (3)
Very sad news. This is from my homepage news: Jett was the oldest child of Travolta and his wife, actress Kelly Preston, who also have an 8-year-old daughter. The family arrived on a private plane Tuesday and had been vacationing at their home in the Old Bahama Bay resort community.
...See More
My son died on monday
Q
Comments (86)
Gloria I am so sorry for your loss. It couldn't have come at a worst time around the holidays. Not that there ever is a good time to lose a loved one. Hopefully you are surrounded by other loved ones that can help you get through this. I will add you to my prayers and please check back with us and let us know how you are doing. I am truly sorry. CB
...See More
About 1/4 of my neighbor's conifers on his tree farm died over winter.
Q
Comments (8)
Ken, the subject line on here didn't allow for too much description of the kind of farm he has. Yes, it is his Christmas Tree farm. He has Frasier fir, Grand fir, Concolours, as well Blue Spruce trees. I didn't walk onto his property and look at the trees, I just took a look out of a window of one of our guest bedrooms, as it gives a great view of his Christmas tree farm, to see how his trees handled the winter, and saw so many of them are bright orange. I know a lot of people around here wrap their conifers that they have in their yard. This guy has thousands of trees so that really isn't an option. I thought an orange conifer was a dead conifer? I apologize if I am wrong that his trees are goners. I hope, for his sake, they rebud.
...See More
My son's neighbor gave him these seeds. Can someone help me identify?
Q
Comments (5)
in the first picture, the black seeds with the white are purple lablab purpureus. I think the yellow of the same shape are white lablab purpureus. the red pinto bean looking beans are obviously also a bean family but is it pinto? Do not know. Could also be bush bean. the second picture I do not know.
...See More
sylviatexas1
17 years ago
My thought is that people never follow up on the "if you need anything" offer;
they just don't take it seriously, it seems like a conventional politeness.

Just take over a casserole, in a dish with your name taped to it or in a dish that you won't mind not getting back (things are too confusing at times like this), & tell them you're sorry for their loss.

At that time, you might make the "call on me any time" offer in person.
jillsmom
17 years ago
My 21-year-old daughter died last month. Neighbors I had never met came with cards and food. Just this week a neighbor came with a present of plants for me from her preschooler. I am so grateful for the courage these people have had to express their sadness and support. I do not feel so alone in the world knowing that people care.
wifetojoeiii
17 years ago
To jillsmom - please know that I am thinking of you - I hope you have people to rely on in weak moments; I think the people here will be a great help.

My boss & his wife lost their 27 year old daughter last weekend - cause unknown as yet, but the essense is that they have lost their child. I work very closely with him & I hope he & his wife can find a way to deal with it, and I hope they do reach out. I agree that this is a loss that will never heal.
sudiepav
17 years ago
When our son and granddaughter died I was struck by the kindnesses of people who were virtual strangers to me. While the "if I can ever do anything..." rarely gets people to ask you for things, I agree that a gift of food, cake, brownies, cookie, freezable casserole and a card would be nice. All you need to do is hand it to them. I would ask you to bring it in a disposable container and make sure they know it's not to be returned. Often returning creates a hardship in itself. The things that you will accomplish is having them know they have your sympathy and that you know what happened, saving them awkwardness should they ever casually run into you.

Related Stories

PETS How to Help Your Dog Be a Good Neighbor

By Alison Hodgson

Good fences certainly help, but be sure to introduce your pup to the neighbors and check in from time to time

COMMUNITY Simple Acts: The Unsung Power of a Good Neighbor

By Alison Hodgson

There are many ways to be a good neighbor, and they're often easier than you think

LIFE Portrait of a Terribly Good Neighbor

By Alison Hodgson

Sometimes the best kind of neighbor isn't the kind you'd expect

GARDENING GUIDES A Mom, a Garden and a Gift for the Neighbors

By Steve Asbell

Gardening can be therapeutic in unexpected ways. See how one gardener found peace and purpose in a patch of Florida soil

LIFE 6 Tips for Teaching Your Kids to Be Good Neighbors

By Alison Hodgson

Everyone wins when your children learn to respect boundaries, get help when they need it and show others they care

COMMUNITY Discover the Joy of Welcoming New Neighbors

By Alison Hodgson

Don't worry about a perfect presentation — a heartfelt note and a simple treat create a wonderful welcome to the neighborhood

SIMPLE PLEASURES The Art of Being Neighborly

By Laura Gaskill

Learn the heartfelt gestures that go a long way toward creating a welcoming community

LIFE How to Get Along With the Neighbors — and Live Happier at Home

By Laura Gaskill

Everyone wins when neighbors treat one another with kindness, consideration and respect

GARDENING AND LANDSCAPING Raise Backyard Chickens Without Ruffling Neighbors' Feathers

Before you build a coop in the backyard, follow these strategies to help keep your neighbors from squawking

HOUZZ TOURS My Houzz: Neighbors, a Love Story

By Tamara Armstrong

Australian neighbors find each other a perfect match. Now the 1940s home they share is a family haven

Sponsored