How very adult of you.

Have you ever considered trying to determine why she is mean and cruel? There is usually a reason, troublesome people are frequently people who have a lot of trouble.

Please make an effort.

At least at her age, she has an excuse for acting immaturely--may I ask what is yours?

Sorry, had to get that off my chest. Now, seriously--don't you think a child with problems NEEDS loving, caring adults in their life? in some ways even more than the perfect one? Was your son always a model child? Of course not--no child is.

As suggested above, why don't you try to find out why she's so unhappy? No one acts out like that unless there's a reason. Spend a little time with her and you may find that underneath the scared child who's at an age where her hormones are probably in a turmoil--you just may find a person you actually like and have some common interests with. By the way--I've been through menopause--how would you enjoy life if everyone close to you dropped you at that point of your life because you turned into a witch at a moment's notice? She's at the other end of the hormone spectrum, but it's no less difficult for her.

We all have problems at different stages of life. This little girl needs your love, otherwise, you're just reinforcing her obviously low self-esteem. No one said that doing the right thing is easy, but it is the proper thing to do. Good thoughts to the poor little girl.

she doesnt need to be talked to
she needs a good kick in the pants and her parents dont discpline her at all
eh!

I still say you're the grown-up and should be setting an excellant example of proper, adult behavior for BOTH her and her parents.

It's heartbreaking to see how proud you are of yourself over this. Again, my thoughts go out to this poor little girl who obviously needs to learn how to love and feel love.

A child is somewhat like a dog, treat either of them mean and cruel and you will end up with a mean or cruel product.

If the child has not been taught, have you considered telling her what your rules of behavior are in your house, treating her nicely, telling her what is unacceptable behavior and which kinds will not be tolorated?

When all this fails, talk to her parents, suggest they need family counseling, that might be a beginning for all of them.

Wow, what a message! And what kind of example are YOU setting for her? I thought all grandmothers were loving and caring and opened their arms to their grandchildren. You don't give up on them and refuse to have anything to do with them just because you don't like their personality. Maybe you could help change it by being a loving grandmother to her. If you refuse to talk to her, how is this showing love? I would give anything to be able to see my granddaughter more, but she isn't allowed at our home. She is 6 and has never been allowed to spend the night with us. I cry alot over missing out on what could be a wonderful relationship (long story). PLEASE - don't shut her out. She needs you more than you know. It's not her problem that her parents allow her to be mean and cruel. Perhaps your son and daughter-in-law don't have a good relationship either and she lives in this every day, hearing them argue, etc. Maybe they are so wraped up in their own problems that they aren't taking the time to be the parents they should be.

How do you feel about your daughter-in-law? You have a lot of resentment in your messages and I'm just wondering why? Your granddaughter is headed down a road of trouble if someone doesn't step in to help her. At 10 years old, she needs an adult in her life to teach her right from wrong and to guide her in the right direction, to make correct decisions. Why don't you be that adult person? You would be a better person for it, that is unless you have a lot of your own problems to deal with.

No child gets this way without all adults allowing them to do so. I am sorry you hate this child so much that you cannot/will not help. I do hope this girl will find a loving subsitute GM who will love her and be her friend. I would love to accept the challenge, as i have had a son who has been diffult and have some very strong will grandkids, who are are a real loving challenge. But then I have a stronger will than them
Marie

Hang in there Etta and do what you can. It's very hard to love unlovable children. How old is your grand-daughter now?

In a perfect world, all grandchildren would be loveable, and all grandmas would be patient, loving saints. It is not a perfect world. Grandmothers are of an age where children were brought up to respect their elders, be polite, and speak when spoken to. Children who did not conform to these rules were spanked.

Times have changed - Our grandchildren are being raised in a time when spanking your children can get you thrown in jail. Discipline is nearly non-existent for many. And Grandparents are only human. We might have problems of our own, including physical problems or depression.

2 of my own grandchildren are becoming thoroughly unlikeable. They have no respect for anything or anybody, are destructive and treat their cousins awful. I don't really blame them altogether, as I realize that my daughter is the root of the problem. This is not the way I raised her, but she sets an example for them of contempt for others, including me. If she speaks of people with contempt, who is to blame the children for acting that way? I go on with my life and refuse to let it get me down. What goes around, comes around.

I can only hope that it will work out - Hating the child is not the answer. I let them know that I love them, but hate the way they behave. If things don't change, I anticipate nothing but trouble for the eldest, including jail if he doesn't change.

Dianna

All I can bring to this discussion is...
Who raised your grand child's parents to have no regard to the behavior of their child?
Could it have been you??
I often see that disfunctional families are self perpetuating.
Don't complain about her bad behavior....see that her parents get some guidance.
Linda C

People who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.

This is my first time on this forum and probably my last if this is the kind of people on here! I can see why you hate your granddaughter if she has your blood in her. It's not her fault and the poor child can see the hate in your eyes. There are so many people who can't be with their grandchildren because of many different reasons and suffer for it so much and then there are people like you who should never have been so blessed.

Before we all get worked up over this, I think this post is a fake. This woman "etta" has posted messages using different email addresses before...so be forewarned. Just trying to stir up trouble? Who knows. Either that or she's a grandma with a lot of email accounts.

Hmmmm, methinks we have a troll here. She/he/it certainly knows how to push the right buttons.
j

I agree with Jerri. Troll. Fake post. Let it die.

I have a degree in child development and worked side by side with child psychologists for years. Second generational kids like grand kids have way too many influences in their genetics (lnlaw blood) and society to blame the grand parents for a child's behavior unless that child lived with the grand parents from age birth to 6 years old. The gap between grand parents and grand children has never been so full of differences in many generational decades as now. Ever hear the term " It takes a village to raise a child?" Too many influences to blame just one person. But I will add the younger the child the less influences others have and the spot light goes on the parents. Not all parents raise their kids like they were raised. Many follow trending parental advise. Some want no part in being like their own parent so go to the other extreme! Too many variables to point a finger. Everyone is having a knee jerk reaction because this woman stepped outside the box and publicly announced what many seceretly feel. Blood my dear fellows does not guarantee unconditional love or like. There has been many times I didn't even like my own spouse or kids. But I always loved them. Personally I would never advertise a personal disdain like she did without much provocation and detailed explanation!

I can understand if the OP would have said she doesn't like or hates the ACTIONS of her 10 year old grandchild, but to say you can't stand your grandchild...

Linda said it best.

This is an old post and I hope 16 years later has found this unloved child peace and true love.