I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear brother.

Any loss of a loved one can be a knock-out blow, & losing someone so young will blindside the strongest person.

Come here to talk, of course, but talk to somebody outside your immediate circle;
as you said, your parents are grieving, too, & so often our friends just aren't prepared; they don't know what to do.

"i basically feel fake"

That's at least partially numbness, which is normal.

but you're a healthy young person, & you've sort of gotten "stuck" in the numb phase of grief.

Please please talk to a teacher or counsellor at school, or someone at your church.

& remember that we're here & we care.

holding you in my thoughts & in my heart.

So sorry for the loss of your brother. He may be gone from the physical world, but he is still around in spirit. Our deceased loved ones don't want us to keep grieving.

Go to your local library and look in the non fiction area for books like "Hello From Heaven" and "The Garden of Souls" or anything written by John Edward or James Van Praugh. There are websites too that can be helpful. The one below has a good message board, you can also post a memorial to your brother there. (((Hugs)))

Here is a link that might be useful: Good message board plus book recommendations

Greetings, Kevin's sister,

I am very sorry that you have lost your brother, and that it happened as it did. My Mom got sick when I was about 6, and died (in psych. hosp.) when I was 13: I was the one who got the call, and I remember going to tell my Dad (who was pallbearer at the funeral of a friend, that afternoon).

For many, our teen years are times of uncertainty and tumult, of coming to terms with others and the world and learning how to navigate in it. It's quite troubling for many to have such a hugely upsetting experience take place to add more complications to those already troubling issues.

When we're young, we figure that we're indestructible, and when we're inexperienced, driving is especially risky, even in cars, but it works O.K. for many - but some are grievously injured and some have their lives here taken away completely.

For young people it's especially dangerous to be travelling on motorcycles, which are much more unforgiving of minor errors than are cars ... and the consequences are much more serious of being in a motorcycle accident.

Did you see him after his death?

I remember my sister-in-law saying, after her husband's death, under 40, with teen-aged kids, that she couldn't believe that he was gone. I don't know whether she saw him after his auto accident - I think that her sister's husband identified him. It took her a while to get used to it.

The library is about to close, so I must close for now, but will come back to talk further when I can.

ole joyful - but not so joyful when friends are hurting ... or folks at a distance, either, for that matter ... especially when it still hurts so much after three years

What a heartbreaking loss you have experienced. I am so sorry you lost your dear brother, Kevin. If only I had words to take away your emotional pain.

My dear, I think you should talk with your parents and tell them how you are feeling. As a parent myself, I can tell you that they are probably suffering as you are. It might be hard to start the conversation, and tears will flow, but that's ok.

Please post again to let us know how you are doing.

Susan

everyone grieves at their own pace, there is no right or wrong way. simply put, you are still grieving and in the scheme of things, 3 years is really a very short time. what you are going through is completely normal.

i lost my husband on 11/30/07 after a 2 year battle with cancer. the first year after his death, i was numb. the second year, i came out of my fog and realized that he really was gone. gone forever. going into the third year i began to feel even worse. on Christmas day, i had a complete meltdown, the worst one ever.

i think i was simply "coping" those first couple of years. i thought "ok, he's not here for birthday/anniversary/Christmas, etc." and i dealt with it. but then, last Christmas, my 3rd without him, i suddenly realized that he wasn't here and then the realization came to me that he would NEVER be here again. that realization sent me into a tailspin like no other.

i finally broke down, saw my doctor, started on an antidepressant which has helped tremendously.

i am so very sorry for your loss. just remember, you cannot go around grief, you have to go through it. sometimes, outside help can be a huge step but one that might be necessary for you to take.

(((hugs))), i wish you the best.

I am so sorry for your loss. It's never easy to lose someone, but it's especially hard to lose a sibling when you are so young. You are wise to reach out and try to get help, and by posting here, you can see that there are people who care. Please work with your doctor to get the help you need, and try to share your pain and your feelings with other people for support.

As someone else said... please post again to let everyone know how you're doing.

I am so sorry that you lost your beloved brother, I'm sure Kevin held a very special place in your world. Please rethink things when it comes to talking with your parents, they may need to talk about this with you. Tears will flow but tears are cleansing. Remembering things that only a family can recall, crying, laughing and remembering are part of paying tribute to Kevin's life. All we can hope for is get beyond the mourning of a passing and onto celebrating a life.

Bless your broken heart, you are among friends.