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Grieving before they die?

MariposaTraicionera

20 years ago

Hello,

I've never posted here before but I'm sort of confused. My sister was recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer, and we learned today that she is a stage 4. I feel as if I'm grieving already and she's still alive. I should be thankful we still have a few months. The doctor recommended Hospice care...this is all so new. Just last July we lost a family member. He died of a massive heart attack and was in a coma for a week. We felt robbed of not having had the time to say goodbye or "I love you." Yet, here we are with this opportunity to walk through this journey with my sister and I'm just so numb...grieving for our loved one who already passed away and now awaiting the parting of another. Not sure what I'm looking for here.

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Comments (5)

jlj48
20 years ago
I am so sorry for your news about your sister. I hope that you will give yourself some time to let this all sink in. I am happy that you will have time with her to say and do the things that you want to. That will bring you peace later. I had some time when I lost my Dad, but not with my Mom, and I sure wish I did. I'm not sure what else to say, I know you are hurting. I hope that you and the rest of the family will be able to follow her needs in the coming weeks about what's on her mind, and how to make her most comfortable. And of course, make the most of the time she has left. My thoughts are with you.
socks
20 years ago
You have my heartfelt sympathy at a difficult time. I went through this same experience when my mother was dying. I felt so helpless and cried and cried buckets. I was so distraught that I called my doctor, and he prescribed a tranquilizer which helped me calm down and function. There must a name for this, but I thought of it as pre-grieving.

I know you'll be spending as much time as you can with your sister. These will be treasured cherished times. Keep us posted here on how it goes for you. I'm so sorry. Take care.

Susan
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hmoree
20 years ago
I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I went through the same experience with my brother. After he passed, a friend reccomended I read the book "Final Gifts". It is written by nurses in Hospice. It is an excellant book. I wish I would have had it before my brother passed. I have lent this book out several times and have been told it has helped the family members feel a calm. The last person I lent it to recognized many of the experiences and was able to relate and share them with her Mother. She thanked me over and over again. For now, enjoy all the memories you and your sister have. My prayers are with you.
MariposaTraicionera
Original Author
20 years ago
I want to thank you all for responding and sharing your own experiences. Since I posted things have gotten a little better. They're actually going to start chemo sometime this week (once her lungs are cleared), and she's in much better spirits as well. I'm going ahead with my life though I visit as often as I can and we speak on the phone when she's up to it. She's still in the hospital. Been sleeping and eating better since I work out at the gym, and this helps. Also planning on a bathroom remodel in the next couple of weeks and that keeps my mind busy.

Will get a copy of that book as I'm sure it will help us all.
socks
20 years ago
I think going to the gym helps too.

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