hee hee... i haven't checked the AV gallery for awhile, and when i just saw this pic, i thought, "oh, how lovely!!" (i love those blues.) then i thought, "i will post a note..." and scrolled down and saw that i posted one in june saying how pretty your plant was. i still love it! rebecca

I had my only grandchild every weekend until she started school and became involved in activities. I never hear from my daughter or grandchild. I asked why she doesn't come to my house any more (she's 8) and she replied, "She doesn't like the long drive" (30 minutes away) However, she can drive to her aunt's home (father's side of family) which is 1 hour away. I find this very strange, as we have always had a good relationship. I live alone and am the caregiver for my mother, so it is very difficult to get away, not knowing when they are home (both work in town). The father's mother has always been there raising the child from birth. They come and go daily for meals and or whatever else they need. We have always exchanged gifts at Christmas and I treat them both the same. This year, I didn't even get a thank you nor the usual gift card that has been given in the past. This might sound petty but I am telling you this to show how distant they have become. I'm not in their business and on the rear occasion when I do talk to my daughter about activities of my grandchild, the activity is on that day or has past. It appears the only communication is on Facebook and this is only when she wants something. It's like I'm on F/B so I must be OK. She's not involved with any family activities on our side of the family. It's just beyond me. I am considering just cutting her out of my life because it is so hurtful....am I wrong to do this.

This is not about Santa .... this is about something much deeper. I agree it is the daughter's decision to make, however, how the daughter has chosen to manage this situation is inappropriate. If there were not underlying motives on the part of the daughter such a topic of disagreement would not have caused this breach. The Santa scenario is a mere vehicle for the daughter to use against her mother to punish her for a historical 'perceived crime' against her. Such situations are inexpressibly complex. One thing is for sure .. if the grandmother was disproportionally better off financially than her daughter and was socially connected, had a large circle of friends and a significant other with whom she was happy .... I can guarantee the daughter would be behaving very differently. Unfortunately the daughter is taking advantage of her mother's loneliness as well as her emotions. The daughter may have a deep-seated grievance but whether it is legitimate is another matter. Without doubt the daughter cruelly lacks judgment and has the classic attributes of the Narcissist.

No--I doubt you actually see how big a deal it is. A 22 year old who is resorting to emotional blackmail now, will only get worse and worse, more demanding over the years. My SIL was the same way with her parents--anything she wanted, she threatened to keep them away from their grandkids. They caved every time. I have no idea how many thousands and thousands of $$$ they lent (read 'gave' because the money was never paid back) her over the years. Cars, appliances, dr's bills, overdue household bills--they paid them all--and mind you, SIL's husband made a 3 figure salary and they lived in a small house in the cheapest area of town (WHERE was SIL's money going one might ask). Eventually, when she stressed her dad into an early grave, and got control of her mother's finances, she stole over a quarter of a million $$$ from the money left for MIL's end care--she had alzheimers at that point. We ended up spending over $20,000 of our own money for legal fees, forensic accountant's fees to get the courts to appoint a guardian to take over MIL's finances. Look, your daughter has all the earmarks my SIL was showing at that age. PLEASE stick to your guns. I'd recommend that it wouldn't hurt to sit down with a lawyer in the next week or two. Most reputable ones will offer a free initial consultation. I'm NOT suggesting you start legal action against your daughter, but you DO need to know what your rights are in this situation, what you'll have to do to get her out if she refuses to go, how long it will take, what are the legal rights of grandparents in your state, etc. Information is ALWAYS the best way to go. Arm yourself with it now, so you know what you have to do, and if you may need a lawyer down the road. Trust me on this--it's far better to ask question and get the answers BEFORE you need them, than to let a situation progress until it's in the critical stage--that can cost a LOT in both money and emotional stress. I wish you the best--sounds as if you've got a tough road ahead. Oh, and while you're about it, start keeping a journal about what your daughter is doing/not doing around the house and as a mother. Documentation may save you down the road.