Thanks Kimmsr, for that dense and concise post. I wish I could be more concise. [g] Very good advice. Even after gardening organically for 30+ years, I appreciate the reminder of growing plants that attract beneficials. You can never have too many. I'd like to encourage the OP that it is a journey and a very rewarding one to go chemical free. When I started gardening I was fascinated to discover that there was a whole ecology in my backyard. And while I make the effort to identify pests when I see them, often I just accept that there will always be more that I don't know than I know. I try to leave the garden to work out the balance itself because they know what they are doing better than I do. I try not to interfere unless the damage is major and even then, I search for a non toxic solution. On the other hand, I do try to see what my role is and work at that. Long ago, I took to heart the often repeated advice, to improve the soil with organic matter. The more I have worked at that the more I have seen my garden evolve in a positive direction. I also pay attention to growing clean and keeping up with the weeds, mulching, taking care of any disease issues quickly and growing varieties that are resistant to disease. I am focused on adding plant material that attracts beneficial insects and when that works out, it makes me very happy to see that. I'm always looking to add more and more. This year, I have more parsley and dill for the small parasitic wasps that take care of a lot of pests. I add alyssum for those small predators. Lots of long blooming perennials around the vegetable garden for the bees. I keep trying to sequence the bloom so there is always something to feed the beneficial insects. I've seen aphids on plants disappear in a week after ladybugs had a feast on them. I still get leaf miners on my columbine, but I cut all the foliage back to the ground after bloom and they grow a fresh batch of pristine, leaf miner free foliage. The leaf miner leaves go in the trash. I still get small amounts of Oriental Beetles which I knock into soapy water to dispose of them. Same with Red Lily Beetles and used the same technique two seasons in a row when I was overrun with earwigs. So it's learning as you go how to manage your garden in a different way. You won't get that in one season, it takes time. I haven't used any chemicals beyond an occasional home made spray made up of 1 drop of soap, garlic & red pepper. And in 30 years I can count on one hand the number of times I've used that. Later today, I'll take a photo of one of my vegetable beds that is looking pretty good at the moment and post it here. Interestingly, I was forced to purchase organic soil for raised beds when we increased the size of the vegetable garden in the spring. I was curious to see how the beds that had the soil from our old vegetable beds grew in comparison to beds with the new soil. There were two large beds of our soil and three large beds of new soil. Every year in our old beds the peppers were wonderful. Full, bushy plants with a very good amount of peppers. This year I planted peppers in the new soil and the peppers are pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. I don't think there's anything wrong with the soil. It is organic soil that had 10% organic compost added to it and other organic amendments. It does seem to have a higher clay content then mine. The water is puddling on the top of the beds when it rains. But I can stand over the beds with the soil from my old beds and spray the hose full force with the nozzle set to shower and the water just drains right down even standing there for 15 minutes. So I am about to pull those peppers. They are not going to produce much if anything and I don't want to have the same problem next year, so I'm going to add more compost and sow a cover crop, let it grow until the end of the season and turn it in come Fall. It won't be perfect next season either, but I'm on the road to improving it and at some point it will be as good as what I had in my old beds. Am I disappointed that I'm not going to have peppers this year? Sure. Peppers are one of our favorite crops. But I know it's a temporary setback and an investment in next season's garden to work it out this way now. I spent a lot of time reading books. First, the book by Ruth Stout on the no work garden. Later, Eliot Coleman's books on organic gardening. I'm sure there are a ton more books to read, but I spent a lot of time on GW in the Organic Gardening forum, many years ago when there were a lot of very dedicated organic gardeners happy to answer questions. I'm happy that I did, it's worked out very well for me. Good luck!

Caligal, it really sounds like you want to stay with your current home. However, I'll just point out that right now the inventory of foreclosed homes gives people unprecedented chances to obtain homes they could not hope to have before and many will not be able to afford in future (let's hope no more such "wonderful" home markets). I don't mean go looking just for a bigger home (although in your case some additional size would be nice), but rather a lifestyle improvement: A decent home in a location that is particularly desirable to you. You know, location, location, location. Things like good schools, a pretty sociable neighborhood, close to family, en route between friends and mall (they'll be dropping in), favorite amenities close by (cows in pastures or high-density shopping, your choice), good proximity and transportion to work. Whatever floats your boat. If you're not already in a place you'd really like to raise your children and even be happy growing old, this current opportunity to make your home there should not be passed up for any but the most important reasons.

I just wanted to say that everyone has an opionion and that is great. Not all stepmoms or dads are bad people and I think sometimes we all get displayed that way. I did leave out somethings with this mixed marriage for there were several dealings with the law on his son and a lot of money was dished out from his father and myself. Held a job for about 2 months then decided hanging out with his friends was more important, so they fired him. Was kicked out of the same school twice went to go live with grandparents. They enrolled him into school where they live and he did graduate from that school, which I think is great. Still not holding a job all the while he is living with his grandparents who are retired and living on a fixed income. Sued his father for childsupport(per his sons mother)and won. Put us in a hole for 3 years while I was working 40 plus hours a week just to make ends meet. Yes my daughter also got herself into some legal trouble but she had a parttime job and I made it quite clear that she would be paying this all herself. It was a costly lesson but she learned from it and I saw a 180 degree change in her. Am I saying she is an angle no, and she is a typicial 18 year old who knows everything. Just like we all were at that age. She is very protective of me for what she saw when I was married to her father, which is no excuse for the anger. We have raised our kids 2 diffrerent ways, one not having any rules and lets his child do what ever he wants. Then you bring in a family who has had rules and you try to inforce those it just is not a good mix. Everyone one of us here live by the rules that are in place which are very simple, if you go somewhere please leave a phone number and their address incase we need to contact them. No my youngest does not have a cell phone my rule is when you get a job you can get a pre-paid phone and take care of it yourself. No phone after 9:00pm and that goes for any cell phones too. Yes there are ecceptions to that rule and the kids know that. They have a crefue 10:00 on school nights and 11:00 on weekends, with my oldest working she does not get home until 10:00 durring the week and that is an exception. If they are at a event up to school then that is also an exception too. Keep your room picked up and bring down your dirty clothes, and to help around the house if asked. Quite simple rules and not that hard to follow.

My Dad was an abusive alcoholic. Not to put too fine a point on it, it was a tremendous relief when my parents divorced when I was 13 and he left. I had no contact from him after that, not that I was bothered. Then, when I was 16, I had finished school and was spending a year travelling. Since I would be passing through the city in which my Dad and his new wife lived, my mother insisted I should at least visit him for an hour or two between landing on the plane from home and boarding the ship for overseas. I didn't particularly want to but my mother was a hard person to argue with. So, he and his new wife picked me up from the airport and took me to their apartment for afternoon tea. It was awkward. I was too young to really ask the right questions. Like, why did you hit me? That said, he was so locked into lying about everything I doubt I would have got a truthful answer. New wife had some adult children from a previous relationship who were older than me, who apparently would like to have met me but were unavailable. So I had to speak with them on the telephone, again an experience I wasn't all that keen to have. They chastised me for being an ungrateful daughter: according to my Dad he had been sending me birthday and Christmas cards and gifts, money, the whole works, and not once had ungrateful me replied or sent thanks. This was more fantasy on Dad's part: I never received anything and have no reason to think that my scrupulously honest mother would have prevented me receiving anything that had been sent. I disabused them of the fantasy. Eventually our awkward afternoon tea drew to a close and they took me to my ship and I left and never saw him again. When he died some years later I reacted to the news with total indifference- he was out of my system. I think this was due to my mother insisting on our final meeting, I got to see him with more mature eyes and process my feelings about him. So, I think you might consider at least one meeting with your father.Ask him any questions that have always niggled (and there are always niggly questions after the end of any relationship). If you suspect he is being fast and loose with the truth, let him know you're not interested in hearing BS. But I do think you'd benefit from hearing him out, even if you decide afterwards never to see him again. At least then you won't have any "what ifs" that can never be resolved after his death, wondering how things might have gone if......they are the hardest things to deal with after a person dies because then there is no hope of there ever being a resolution.