I'm a teacher too, and I can give you some advice on some of these topics. I am 100% sure we're not in the same state because you make more money than I do (though I have 24 years experience). - First, you sound like you're doing very well for your age. You should pat yourself on the back for realizing the importance of saving and thinking about retirement well before most people your age. - I'll second the point about talking to your potential fiancée about finances ahead of time. Do not just assume it'll all work out. - Buying a house is a sound investment. I assume you'll sell your current paid-for house, so you'll have about 120K to put down on a new one -- excellent. Even if she brings little to the table for this project, the two of you should be able to knock out the borrowed 100K within five years (even if you have a baby soon). With no mortgage, you'll be amazed at how much easier it is to live comfortably and still save! - Do you have a savings account for a new car? Since yours is paid for, I suggest you begin paying a car payment into a savings account. Once you get yourself "a car ahead" (meaning that you're ready to buy a new car when you need it, so that you're not wasting money on interest), it's easy to STAY "a car ahead". - I have the impression she's a teacher too? If the two of you work at the same school, consider becoming a one-car family. We did it for several years (until I started teaching, and our schedules were completely incompatible), and it was a MONUMENTAL money saver for us. It was the single biggest thing that allowed us to get off to a good financial start in our 20s. - If you hate your job (I do at times, really, I do) but want to stay in the pension system, could you do something else within the school system? Could you be the tech guy? the athletic director? could you do something different as a state employee -- a possibility, if your pension systems are linked? - I don't think you need to think about life insurance at this moment. Not to be crass, but if you died today, would anyone be worse off financially? With no wife or children, probably not. Once you're married, you probably won't need it yet. If you were to die, your wife could use your pension pay-out and your other investments to pay off the modest house payment you anticipate taking out, and she'd still have her job to sustain her. You WILL need life insurance once you have a child. If you were to die and leave your wife with a toddler, she'd have years ahead of her in which she'd be a single parent, and although her salary would be enough to put food on the table and clothes on their backs, your life insurance would be there to educate the child in the future. The life insurance would also assure you that your wife would be able to take some time off work, and that she'd be able to put aside a good chunk for retirement. Remember, she too will need life insurance. If she left you with the toddler, you'd need the same help. - The two of you probably need disability insurance more than you need life insurance. Statistically, you are more likely to be disabled than to die young. And becoming disabled is the real nightmare scenario (from a financial standpoint). Consider: You're in an accident or you become sick. You cannot work, so your household income's slashed in half. Yet your medical bills are sky-high. Your wife is still working, but she's also doing ALL the housework and ALL the childcare AND is trying to help you with your physical therapy. She's burning through her sick days taking you to the doctor. THIS is the nightmare scenario: She's overworked, AND she can't take advantage of your life insurance. Avoid it by signing on for disability insurance. - Another thing you should do after you marry is to write wills. As a teacher, you probably have access to your an employee's credit union? They probably offer such services for a low price. - About your pension: Do you know the details for the pension in your state? In my state you're fully vested at 10 years (so, yeah, you'd be a fool to leave at 9.5 years), and you can collect a full pension at any age once you've put in 30 years. You can collect a reduced pension at 20 or 25 years, though the dollar amount is reduced, and you can't begin collecting until 65 (65?) if you don't put in the full 30 years. Once you find out the details for your own state, you can "run the numbers" and see when it makes sense for you to leave teaching. It might be sensible for you to aim for 20 years, then do something else -- but you have to get the facts, then do your homework. - How secure is your state's pension? This is public knowledge, so look into it. You do not want to put all your eggs into the "staying in teaching" basket, if your state's weak in the pension department. As the people in Detroit! - In my state the pension program (defined benefit program) is being exchanged for a defined contribution program. This has its pros and cons, but overall it means that the new, younger teachers aren't going to get a pension. Why does this matter to you? Because if you ever leave, then return to teaching, you'll come in under those new rules! - An above poster mentioned Social Security. In my state, teachers DO pay into SS, so I will collect an SS check one day. You seem rather financially savvy, so I assume you know whether you've been paying into this or not. - I disagree with the above poster who says you're essentially screwed if you choose to have children AND want to retire at a reasonable age. The key is that you have to choose to live FRUGALLY. My husband and I are 48 and 51, and we have two college students. When we married, we had between us $200, college degrees and jobs, one car, and a brand-new mortgage. We chose to be frugal from the very beginning: We maxed out our 401Ks, even though it meant we couldn't afford vacations. We built an emergency fund, then started a savings account, putting away 1/4 of our after-taxes paychecks, even thought it meant we rarely ate out or bought new clothes. When our savings account grew, we started investing, even though it meant we had to remain a one-car family. Today we live in a house that's paid for, have significant investments, and are easily able to pay for our two college students' expenses -- they will graduate debt-free. My same-aged friends who wail that they can't afford their kids' college tuition don't like to hear that we buy used clothing, drive an 8-year old car, etc. The key is knowing the difference between needs and wants -- and being self-disciplined enough to stick to a budget. - Finally, I think you're off to a good start. If you and your wife are both about 10 years into teaching, then 20 years from now the two of you can expect the following: 1. You'll be about 55 years old, and as a person who can "see 55 from where she's standing", it's not "old" -- at 48, my knees hurt sometimes, but I can still hike all day and can pretty much still do whatever I want. 2. You'll live in a house that's paid for. 3. You'll have two teacher pensions. 4. You'll have teacher health insurance in retirement. 5. You'll have two Social Security checks. 6. You'll have the investments you've already begun. 7. If you have a child soon after your marriage, that child will be finishing college (and beginning to support himself) about the time you retire. You'll be able to have all these benefits AND you can work part-time (or seasonally) so you can avoid dipping into your investments too early. Though you're not earning big bucks now (or ever), you'll be well prepared for retirement. If the two of you put in a total of 60 years of teaching to earn these benefits, you'll have WORKED for every penny, but you'll have a comfortable retirement.

Hi again Jimbg, I imagine that you've had some interesting thoughts regarding your retirement nest egg during the last half year or so. I hope that you have not been so smitten with fear of the stock market that you've decided to stay out of it. There are losses suffered from time to time, which can be substantial ... but over the long term, carefully chosen stocks, ETFs, etc. have produced well for their owners. As have mutual funds ... but, despite their substaial claims to superior performance, about 85% of mutual fund managers are unable to produce a higher rate of return than their chosen portion of the market. As you encourage your friends to start a retirement plan, you can follow a savings plan that's specifically geared to setting up a payout system during one's retirement, but many choose to carry investment accounts that are not geared toward retirement, as well. If one chooses to build a regular investment program, with a view to having it available to fund one's retirement, though unwilling to be tied up with the restrictions that govern retirement accounts, there's an extra benefit that can be used during one's lifetime. When I own a number of stocks or mutual funds, I can have the certificates issued to use as collateral when I make loans, often allowing me to pay a much lower rate of interest that if I must use other kinds of collateral. For example, if I want to buy a car and use the car as collateral, if the lender wants to repossess it in case of my delinquency, there's a hassle to collect it, then advertise it for sle, or go through a brokerage, which charges fees, etc. and they must wait for their money ... plus, if I didn't take good care of the car, they may not be able to collect all of the amount owing, plus costs. So they usually charge high interest rates on such loans. If, however, one has some stocks or mutual fund certiicates to use as collateral and isn't able to pay, it's fast and easy to liquidate the stock or mutual fund collateral, so the borrower almost always enjoys a much lower rate of interest on the loan. Should one have an emergency, it is a great help to one's financial and emotional well-being if one has some assets on hand to either liquidate or, perhaps more frequently, use as collateral to make a loan to cover the need, and the interest rate will be advantageous. Such a cushion helps a great deal in case one suffers long-term layoff, as many have experienced in the past few years. When one uses money that one had planned for retiremen for either an emergency, or to fund one's living during long-term layoff, one should make a strong effort to replace the money withdrawn, plus allowance for inflation, when one's financial stability is restored. Good wishes as you proceed with your plans ... and encourage others to do the same. On the day that you began work, you had brains and hands at work ... but no money. On the day that you retire, you have brains and money at work ... and no hands. If you've set aside a substantial amount regularly over the years, and learned how to manage it for a reasonable rate of return, plus some tax savings, you may well have developed enough assets in order to provide you with sufficient money to retire early. Good wishes for increasing skill in managing your income and assets. ole joyful

Great post! Wish I had met you years ago!....but luckily I ended up just fine (secure and comfortable), and retiring early (48) anyway.....could have been earlier, more secure, and more comfortable I guess. Now if I could just retire from this little bit of housework I quit putting off, I'd really have it made. Sue...who would rather play on the computer than 'work'

Hey LouiseDawn, I can at least offer a silver lining of hope that I see in your situation. If SS is in college and SD is in grad school, there is at least some hope that they will be successful and eventually make enough money to finance their own lives. I also believe your situation will get better with time. I look back and I don't know how in the world I got through the last six years with my husband's family, but I did which is the important part. Having no prior experience at all in a step situation as step mother or step child, I was CLUELESS and felt guilt for the feelings of resentment I had and still sometimes have towards them and their father. I at least feel better to know that I am not this evil person for having these feelings anymore. That's a start. It seems that the biggest hurdles towards happiness in these situations most of the time are SDs for SMs. SSs seem to have a different relationship with their fathers that doesn't trigger that "drop everything and go be a hero" button in their fathers like SDs. I finally won the trust of my SD (I think) and she doesn't try to push my buttons anymore to create conflict. She had a bad experience before me with SM #1 so I have tried to take all that into consideration to cut her some slack and focus on the long term goal of all of us getting along. These days SD's biggest offense is using the guilt her father feels to manipulate him into openning the checkbook for her whims. All children manipulate, but steps have an easier time because they can use the guilt of their broken home life to loosen the purse strings. This has been the core of my own turmoil but has nothing to do with the purse at all. There is no reason for their father to feel guilt other than simply building a life with me, which hurts me because I have no regrets and his guilt feels like regret to me. BM left them all when the children were toddlers. There were 12 years between the time BM left and I met my husband so that breakup can't be put in my lap. He's paid for their tuition solely and provides for them to be more than comfortable. Why should he feel guilt? I FORCED him to discuss these feelings this week and it seems to be helping. He's finally recognizing that his guilt isn't all meritted here. Sometimes his children just didn't go to classes that we paid for and sometimes they told us stories that sounded good while they just did their own thing. They are in their 20's and should have some accountability in their lives. Other than walking them to class and doing their homework, I really don't see what else we could have done. He finally seems to also understand that my concerns aren't dollars and cents but the part we are playing in a pattern that insures failure in the future of our children, who just aren't prepared for the world. The biggest part of our job as parents is to prepare our children to become adults in this world (I think women get this where men don't. Men seem to want to be providers or heros.). If they aren't prepared, their growth is stunted and they lack confidence in themselves and their decisions in life. I am hoping that now he is getting past the guilt and focusing on helping to prepare them for the world (NOT dump them, just set boundaries and expectations that aren't forgotten later) we can work together to repair the damage. Is that such a terrible thing to be want for your children? I want that for my own bio son so how can that be a bad thing? I do not "know it all", but I feel like in your case, you should hang in there, support your husband and insist that you communicate on these issues together. Divided you fall, after all. Try to look at everything with honest objectivity. Yes, it is normal to have these feelings of resentment, but then take that knowledge and do something positive with it by feeling a new liberty to discuss it with your husband and grow from it. Understand that your stepkids also have their own feelings they aren't sure how to deal with. (I've found that it has helped me to read some of the few posts on here by stepkids, to understand their perspective.) We should look at what drew us to our husbands in the first place. What we loved about them from the start can't also be a reason to break us up now. In my own case, I had to offer him my trust that he would do the right thing for all of us. I just assumed he would go and make some terrible, crazy decision that would stunt all of our lives. I was asking him to trust me with his children, when I didn't trust him with his children. Again communication helps to work together. Hang in there, girl. I know you are hurting from the behavior of your stepkids right now and you are justified in that. Stepkids are notorious for behaving aggressively towards us at least in the beginning. Be the bigger person, gain their trust and when they have grown enough to hear you, explain your side to them and hear theirs. This takes time and doesn't happen overnight. My husband is a good man. He's worth the time and the strength it takes to get through it. His children are too.