Oakley, Kelly and Flyingflower get it. Too bad you don't.

Well, they did pull the thread. It was up to over 100 responses and many of them were pretty outrageous! I haven't seen that very much over here--

Natal, I do get it, I never said I didn't! What bother's me is that "we" are sitting here publicly making fun of a poster on THIS board, a fellow "friend" who has not insulted us. And using the word "dreamer" is an insult in the context being used.

Had I woken up this morning and saw that someone did a very negative topic about me, I'd probably end up crying all day. It's hurtful even if you're right.

Flyingflower, oh yes, I do know what you mean! Some of the topics like that are "exhausting" to read as a dear friend pointed out one time. lol.

But I couldn't call the person out though, I think that's what bother's me the most.

I'm not sure why this topic is even here on this board, but I don't see anyone here "making fun" of a poster. It has been said that the poster "has issues" and "is a dreamer" but those are just the thoughts of other posters. I don't know the poster in question, if she posts here on this board, I don't recall her. I don't go to the kitchen board and did not see the thread mentioned.

We're all grown ups here and I don't think we need to be "warned" about fellow posters. You have the option to not read posts and shouldn't feel the need to respond to every post. We don't know the person on the other side of the screen and we are all making assumptions about each other. We get a mental picture, idea about that person, which may very well be totally off base.

On the other hand, this is a message board and for the most part we do not know each other IRL. There are those we may know more than others, communicate with outside the board and some have even met, but for the most part - it's all based here on the board. Take that with a grain of salt. A post on a board is not going to make me cry all day.

I think this forum has also become more negative. There are those here that I really enjoy chatting with but lately I have come to realize I need to limit my time here, mostly because of the snarkiness. It really makes me think when I see more responses to a negative thread (or a thread someone has turned negative), than say Sue's thread about the wonderful good news she received.

Even if the poster mentioned is a dreamer (and I don't know how that term was meant, it doesn't have to be negative), we don't know her circumstances.

Just my random thoughts on the topic at hand. Now let's get on with enjoying this beautiful day!!

tina

That was a nice post,Tina.
I did read or skim the thread and it seems the reason so many were annoyed with her were for two reasons. One, they offered detailed advice that she ignored while she asked the same questions over and over- not all at once but spread out over years while accomplishing/starting nothing.

In asking these questions, and it appears she posted often, she pushed more legitimate posters threads to the second or third page where they were then ignored.
That's how I saw it anyway.
Don't agree with the vehemence of the posters or their reasoning at all.

I went to the KF yesterday morning to just browse around for back splash ideas and her new post was one of the first I read. I thought the photos and plans she presented were so beautiful.

The part that really hit home for me and I mostly felt terrible about was when one person spoke poorly about her current home and THEN called her a dreamer. Regardless of the situation or her process, it just seemed that someone who already owns their own home should at the very least have more empathy for someone with a different set of circumstances. We weren't able to buy until just a few years ago. For years I dreamed of owning a home while watching other family members accomplish that dream. It was very hard and I totally believe it was the persistence of my dream that eventually brought it to fruition.

I get that a lot of people feel like they're exhausted from helping her, but those pro's aren't there because they HAVE to be, which is what some of them made it seem like. Maybe they should have just edited how much time they were choosing to participate in her journey. They also are not being forced to participate in any one thread. It almost seemed like they were blaming her for choices they made. They are also forgetting about the many many other people who also read those threads and received help from the feedback as well, so was the effort really wasted? Like others have said, they do have a choice and can just as easily pass on her posts and let her be. Other than maybe a post rolling to the next page, (which can easily be bumped) what harm is she really doing to anyone? And there were clearly people who enjoyed posting with her.

Considering the message that was being said to her and how strongly they were wording it, I think she handled it with much more grace than the pro's or people who were upset with her.

I thought that was awful the way she was attacked- particularly in regards to her current home.
Her replies were indeed gracious.

One, they offered detailed advice that she ignored while she asked the same questions over and over- not all at once but spread out over years while accomplishing/starting nothing.

And that's the same scenario that plays out on the gardening forums.

What bother's me is that "we" are sitting here publicly making fun of a poster on THIS board, a fellow "friend" who has not insulted us. And using the word "dreamer" is an insult in the context being used.

I'm confused. Your email had a totally different tone. Please don't do that again.

I didn't see the thread. But I frequent HD, kitchens, old houses and small homes. LL is a regular presence on all four (and apparently on the gardening side, where I seldom visit). I read a few of her earlier posts, but saw that she was wanting to discuss very general things, or find others who liked her general "likes". And often she would make the initial post and then not really participate after that. I'm more of a transactional person, especially when it comes to these boards. So I usually don't participate in threads like that -- LL's or anyome else's. And once I saw all the overlapping on the forums I frequent (asking for input on kitchen choices on the small homes board) it sort of validated my decision.

I have to say, I have said to myself more than once "enough already with the fantasy pictures!" But that's where it ended for me. I can see that someone probably cracked and posted something similar, and then others piled on. Such is life in the internet age.

I didn't see these threads, but there have been a couple of posters in Decorating, over the years, who seem to have very specific problems that never get solved. (High-end decorating was a common theme, iirc.) Some people seem to have a lot of spare time.

There's one gal on the decorting forum who's still trying to decide which matelasse coverlet to put on her bed...after talking about it for 6 years you'd think she would have made that decision by now. ;-)

I know what you mean ff! Some people take so long to make the simplest decisions and it takes forever, that I wonder if they will ever be able to finish a room before it's totally dated.

And I don't have a single person in mind at all- I don't follow that many threads.
I just feel sorry for those types probably because I always have this urge to finish things asap. It's irks me to not arrive at a solution right away- even if it's only a mental solution. I feel at peace once I make a decision.
The actual shopping part/or painting/or installing is only mechanical and easy enough to do.

However, I have found that those with long term great vision and skill by taking time, can often accomplish masterful things.

Hmmm, I don't think that's me - but it does sometimes take me a while to get what I want. Not so much in making the decision, but most times I have a picture IN MY MIND of what I want the room to look like. Finding everything is not always an easy task. Plus, I'm never finished, always tweaking.

tina

Act 2 ... she's reposted the thread on Conversations.

"I'm confused. Your email had a totally different tone. Please don't do that again. "

I sent you a PRIVATE message, not meant for the masses to read. Big differnce. I just wanted to know the background of this poster whom I compared to another from reading the other topic and this one, so I could understand such venom coming from other's on a public board. LL has basically recieved a public stoning. And no, I won't do it again because I've tried to extend an olive branch to you many a time on this board, in public, so there will be peace here, but to no avail. Sad.

Tina, VWS! I too don't understand why this thread was started.

I just feel kind of "dirty" because we ARE talking about someone here (one of *us*) who didn't ask for our opinions or advice.

Like I said this morning, I would be devastated to come here with my morning coffee and see that someone did a negative topic about me or anyone else....just out of the blue.

Anyway, I hope I can refrain from talking more about this. I'm just exhausted. Because I watched the Grand's all day. lol

Oakley, PLEASE stop emailing me or I'll forward your hateful messages to the moderator.

I don't see what good was done to bring it over to this forum.

Hi Oakley-- now I'm confused! I didn't start this thread to start gossip about LL, or to support her or not support her. Would you please re-read my original question? I said each response to the original was getting worse and worse! I was confused and surprised by all the mean responses and wondered how others felt about it.

Now I've learned a lot more about the background story of all this.

I agree this thread is somewhat negative, but if there wasn't interest in the topic it would have gone down. That said, next time I'll give it a little more thought before I start a negative thread.

I wasn't referring to you, Tina, not at all.

I went to check out her new thread, didn't see the old one and I'm glad. She has one beautiful house plan and great ideas. I'd chalk up the negative and insulting comments to her as jealousy, because if she pulls that farm house together, judging by those photo's, it's going to be one gorgeous house.

I doubt that people are jealous of someone else's pipe dreams.

i wouldn't be surprised if she's pretty used to creating a stir/controversy in other areas of her life.... and probably what makes some people on these forums very uncomfortable has much less of a negative effect on her.
just my guess...

I had to look, curiosity got the better of me. It appears whatever was said in the original thread has rolled off her back. Personally if I were her I'd want to crawl into a hole and hope the topic got buried with me but she seems to be unaffected by it all, and has started the topic over like nothing happened, posting the same pictures. She's even acting like she's running the conversations forum now, inviting people to come talk. I find that rather funny actually. Oh well, might as well play along, if you can't beat 'em join 'em! I like the pics she's posted actually, just my stle, oohlala french country. Maybe I'll start dreaming along with her...of my french country estate. :D

So, someone is planning their dream home and wants input and opinions about her ideas and some people on this forum don't like that.
Interesting.

Where I come from, it's called brainstorming.
Don't want to participate? Don't.

I've seen some of the threads in question and, to me, she seems gracious, happy, positive, creative, and looking forward to the future.

There are people on this forum who, to me, are out and out, obvious braggarts but, for some reason, they're given a free pass and are usually fawned over.

It seems that the rule here is... if you can't impress some strangers on the internet with your wealth and ostentatious consumption - preferably with pictures - then you deserve to be insulted.

Joanie, it's not quite that cut and dried and obviously other people here have seen that. She's a sweet person ... I'll give her that.

I've never understood why people can't just scroll on by.

Truly one of the mysteries of forums.

If one wants to chime in with constructive disagreement and information and commentary - great that's what forums are about.

Otherwise, why go looking for opportunities that are primed to help one choose to be offended. And I do think sometimes folks are just lookin' for an opportunity to be offended and are trying to find something to b!tch about. Just scroll on by and move on to something else. Geeze.

Nancy, don't feel bad. I don't think either of us expected the replies to become so negative about one of our posting family. I think that's what surprised me the most, even though other posters have made great points and have really opened my eye's to the situation and .....I've seen other posters here do the exact same thing as LL and boy can it get frustrating! lol.

FlyingFlower, you said it well! I too feel the same way.

Joanie wrote: "There are people on this forum who, to me, are out and out, obvious braggarts but, for some reason, they're given a free pass and are usually fawned over.
It seems that the rule here is... if you can't impress some strangers on the internet with your wealth and ostentatious consumption - preferably with pictures - then you deserve to be insulted. "

J - you are SO right!! It took me months of lurking to post in the HD forum and I got tarred and feathered (to put it mildly) when I did my first topic, on how do decorate the toilet area of a bathroom. Everyone remember that one? LOL!!!

I'll give you the perfect example of what you said above, regarding pictures which shows different replies between the "moneyed" (to which I don't begrudge) and just "regular folks" and I'm of the latter.

Sorry if this upsets anyone for me bringing the toilet topic up, (I was relentlessly made fun of because it, & I think it got over a 100 replies, 99% negative) but it opened my eyes bigtime on how people here are treated differently because of their obvious wealth.

Here's just part of it, but I found it to be hilarious in the end.

I did a topic asking how people decorated around the toilet. Simple as that. I didn't show a picture but wanted to see pictures of other's toilet areas to give me ideas.

The strangest reply was that poop fumes travel through the air which gets on EVERYTHING, so we shouldn't decorate it. Ever. Most agreed. I was on the floor LOL at that one, even if it is true. Burn the toothbrushes and towels if that's the case.. Better yet, we should go back to the old Outhouses by their theory. lol

ONE DAY LATER, a poster with obvious "money" who happened to have a toilet area like mine, posted some pictures of her house. One of those pictures was her toilet area, very elegantly & beautifully decorated.

Now the same poop preaching posters in my topic making fun of it, started oohing and awwing at the other decorated bathroom! LOL!

Fortunately, most of the ruder posters are gone now so it's not happening near as much as it was. I think other's have become brave now to call the "ruder's" out instead of leaving the board in embarrassment. :)

I think one of the issues that folks in the kitchen forums have is that she has asked for very detailed plan help many times. People fall for it and waste hours moving this and moving that all to find another post with a different plan posted yet another week for which someone will fall...it gets a bit old and for those who have worked on plans for her it probably turns them off to doing it again. I know I quit doing plans after being hooked like that a few times.

I will give you she's a sweetie and I love some of her ideas but they are very far fetched from her reality (the house is really a tear down on a farm, it is not habitable) and they don't have the funds to put the plans into place (or haven't since I've seen the last big public flaying of her.....and no this is not the first time at all).

Personally I hope her dreams do someday become a reality, but I've forgotten who said it, she should probably be dreaming in this forum verses in a forum geared more towards folks who are in the process or close...or actually can live in the homes they are discussing.

I'm envisioning LL standing out in a field oblivious to all the arrows shooting past her. Opposing sides are rearming and she's thinking, "now which would be better, a lavender toilet seat cover or a pink one?".

Since Oakleyok brought it up, I googled the infamous toilet thread. Glad to say, all but one of my pictures are still there. :D They still make me giggle. I don't think anyone tar and feathered you for wanting to decorate the back of your toilet, but that's my take. What matters is yours. As you can read (again, if you wish), I apologized for my part in it early on. Then SusieQ started posting....

Here is a link that might be useful: and the rest, it seems, is history.

Well that was an eye-opener. I'd heard about the infamous toilet thread, but never read it.

Oakley, if it's any consolation it didn't appear you were the butt of the jokes even though you thought you were. SusieQ owns that one hands down.

Toilet Thread Resurrection!!!

**faint**

Just re-read the toilet thread. Wow, that was over two years ago and still the funniest thread ever!

I wonder of in two years I will remember to check on the farmhouse progression. It will be interesting to see if the basement is cleared out. I really hope it is and she is moving forward. I'm rooting for her anyway.

Oh geeze, that toilet thread is a hoot. Some of the pics posted were hilarious.

Bumblebeez, I'm with you, I hope she'll be moving forward with it too. Loved some of the pictures I saw the other day.

I got tarred and feathered (to put it mildly)

Oh, Oakleyok, I can't believe you are bringing up the toilet thread. Not again. But I will say it again - no one was attacking you. The comments were about the photos posted by Susieq07.

I too find it amusing to read posts by germ-phobes. But again, none of that was directed AT YOU.

Isn't your husband a lawyer (or am I confusing you with someone else)? Ask him to read that thread and get his take on it.

The way a person feels, sees, perceives, and interprets any given situation is personal and belongs to them - it's their life and they're certainly entitled to own it - regardless of anyone else's opinion or analysis.

Joanie, the thread is linked above. Read it and give us your opinion about whether you agree with Oak's interpretation.

I woke up this morning from a nightmare (think 30 Days of Night set in the Midwest) and needed something light so thought I would check the home forum. The toilet thread made me snicker (not at you Oakley!) Thanks for the giggle everyone

funcolors, I totally agree!

"I've never understood why people can't just scroll on by.

Truly one of the mysteries of forums."

FTR Gray, I'm not the only one here who brings the toilet thread up from time to time. I do it about once a year when it pertains to a topic.

Joanie made a statement and I backed it up with what happened to me, and then the opposite reaction to another who pratically got a standing ovation for her toilet. lol.

I do find it interesting though that those of you who participated in my thread by turning it into a joke are the only one's who are claiming innocence now.

I'm not angry anymore about the thread, if I were I wouldn't have brought it up in the first place.

I told a few of my friends IRL about it, they read it, and thought it was pretty rude to turn a serious (to me) topic into a laughfest at MY expense. And that's what happend. I don't care how funny the pictures are in the thread, you all were making a joke out of my topic.

I don't believe anyone has done that to anyone else since. Oh wait, it was done to me two other times afterwards...sofa table and Mantel. ;)

Notice I never show my LR? It's because the mantel and sofa table are in tjhere. lol

Gray, I am interested in your interpretation to my interpretation of the thread which pertains to what Joanie said above.

And because of all the sweet emails I've received because of the 3 topics, they're the reasons I didn't let anyone run me off.

Gray, might be easier to just bang your head against a wall.

Oak,

I've read that thread a couple of times and although I've respected that you were upset, I could just never quite figure out why; as others have mentioned, poor SusieQ seemed to get the brunt of the snide comments and thankfully, so it seemed anyway, she was pretty good at ignoring the hits and going with the flow. I'm not saying you had no right to be upset, just that why was a mystery since there was nothing in it that I could interpret as being rude to you. I could be wrong, but I don't think you've ever actually come out and said what you've just said to Gray which is WHY you found it offensive but now that you have it's at least easier for one to put themselves in your shoes and try to see it from your perspective. With that said, I honestly don't believe that anyone reminiscing about that thread whether they participated or not had any intent to hurt your feelings then or now or to tread inappropriately through the topic. It just morphed into what it was, as so many threads seem to do.

Threads do indeed morph - and none of us can predict where ANY OF THEM will end up.

When you choose to participate, you kinda just need to hold on for the ride and accept the fact that you cannot control how other people respond, what they write, or how they "say" it.

Only thing you can control is how you choose to internalize the content and how you then respond. If you choose to be offended by stuff you read on the forums, then that's a hole no one else can help you climb out of - maybe a boost up every now and then. Essentially, however, ya have to pull yourself out of that energy and time sucking vortex of hurt feelings and/or offense that truly only you are responsible for creating in the first place.

I personally have learned to make an effort to simply choose to not be offended. It's a lot of work sometimes. :)

Here's just part of it, but I found it to be hilarious in the end.

I must have skipped over this yesterday. I didn't remember it venturing so far with SusieQ.

I don't believe anyone has done that to anyone else since. Oh wait, it was done to me two other times afterwards...sofa table and Mantel. ;)

There have been several threads, and many in the Building forum (its Conversation side also), that have gone off topic into humorous discussions.

I don't recall your sofa table or mantel threads, so I can't comment on those. I agree with what funcolors said. And I don't think it had anything to do with having money or not having money. It had to do with what everyone felt about things in the bathroom. I, for one, never said it was wrong to decorate in the bathroom, but wouldn't be comfortable with something on the back. I'd be afraid it would fall in... then I'd have to retrieve. :-/

I hope there are no hard feelings still lingering.

Regarding that bathroom thread... my, I forget how friendly's SusieQ is.

I get what Oakley is saying to an extent. Yes threads can morph into something else. We're all allowed to like different things and express our opinions but it's polite to try and use common sense. A large chunk of that thread was comical but not helpful. And, at the time, it didn't appear that people stopped to think about it. If I had posted that thread, depending on my mood, it might have upset me at the time even though that wasn't the intent. I'd imagine she felt slightly embarrassed by the whole thing.

That said, lots of people apologized and tried to explain yadda ya (which was all anyone could do after the fact) and I really think it would be best if the thread stopped coming up. It was a few years ago. I'd imagine lots of us have had threads that turned south at some point but the only thing we can control is ourselves and we can choose to be offended or not.

Shee, that was awfully gracious of you. Don't you agree, Oakley?

Back to the OT ... I think LL is a lot like SusieQ ... that stuff just rolls off their backs.

Gray, I am interested in your interpretation to my interpretation of the thread which pertains to what Joanie said above.

Let me get this straight, you want my opinion on your and Joanie's belief that rich braggarts here are given a free pass and fawned over and regular folks (non-rich people) are subject to being insulted.

I believe we "fawn over" (not sure that's the best phrase but I will go with it) people with good taste, clever ideas and/or strong decorating abilities. Mythreedogs is clever and has a great eye and she gets rave reviews every time she posts a photo. Similarly Palimsest, Funcolors, Magnaverde, Les917 and ChiJim (to name a few) are revered for what they bring to this forum and how they help us all learn to be better at this craft. I don't know whether any of these people are moneyed or not. It's their ability that we admire and "fawn over." I fawn over a couple of the guys on the Paint forum too - I have learned so much from them.

Braggarts with big fancy houses who post photos: I may be guilty of fawning over a picture of someone's beautiful house or kitchen - not fawning over the poster, fawning over the beautiful thing. And that brings me to where I disagree with you on the infamous toilet thread - I see a distinction between the poster and the issue:

I don't care how funny the pictures are in the thread, you all were making a joke out of my topic. Yes, we were making a joke out of your the topic. It wasn't about you. It was about the subject of decorating around a toilet. YOU were not being tarred and feathered. You didn't even post a photo on that thread. And then the over-the-top ridiculous pictures from catalogs of dressed up toilets had us all rolling in the aisles.

I guess it comes down to how we view ourselves. Some people deeply personalize their ideas - if you don't like my idea, you don't like me. Other people make a distinction between the person and the idea - the person can be good, but their ideas can be flawed.

In your defense, however, I will say this. As a first time poster, I'm sure the responses caught you by surprise and were unexpected. But really, girl, you have been around here long enough to know we like you and those responses had nothing to do with you.

Maybe LL should go to the Remodeling or Old House forums. She'd most probably be better received there.

flyingflower I'm with you, love her ideas and photo's. I'll take part in her dream world. LOL

At one point I think LL mentioned the house was her grandmother's. There may be more there than "just a house" which can lead to dreams and hopes. There could also be many memories, although I haven't read this to be the case.

I do agree on the constant ideas and wants being shared with little started. She is struggling with maintaining and creating the landscape too.

Unlike LL (who seems to be a kind person) there have been many we get caught up in. I tend to just start ignoring the posts. One I remembered though was a person in what I'd call denial. Her posts would go on forever with great suggestions and she never did follow any advice which wore people down. She even got someone on GW to mow her yard and clear out all the mess, take to dump. Still, there was never any satisfaction or completion.

On smaller homes there is a gal that completely redid an old building on her property which looked like there was no hope. In the old house forum they told her to just tear it down. You should see it now...took 2 years. She even landscaped and the whole picture is beautiful. Her decision was to restore rather than rebuild due to a number of codes which would considerably up the cost of all.

Over the top posters and threads are going to happen. The world is a huge blended group. I too sensed a never going to happen. But in life we need to go on if it doesn't feel good to our own being.

This thread has thrown me a bit, but I remind myself why posting from this end is rare. Maybe all needed to vent this week.

Agree with the list of those who have endured and given us so much help, whether small or large. Oceana has been a wonderful idea lady for me, many which I have followed through on. I never get tired of looking at her inspirations and always seem to find something that fits just right because of her enduring time spent finding photos for all of us.