LOL Mona I have been so busy making floats and costumes this week I didn't see this...

I did post the story back in December (when it happened) but it seems to have gone the way of most posts of old. So sit down....this is a cut and paste I saved...and please remember, I can hear someone call me an idiot from several miles away so be nice...LOL (could be I just hear voices...) Ok:

From Dec 09
Ok I've got to record my new house experience for prosperity (because I haven't figured out how to Blog yet...but that's a different subject).

We moved in Nov 11th or so (ex husband's birthday...excellent day to buy a new house cooler than his)

Where was I? Ok so we all have new house stories, especially those of us dumb enough to buy a new old house (that's pretty much all of us here right?) Here's mine....

DH leaves town, as he's often known to do, leaving me at home in the new place, which we've been in for ohhh about a month. It's a frigid cold night, perfect night for a cocktail party fund raiser (the pipes froze at the fund raiser so people left fairly quickly after their first couple of drinks were "processed" since they didn't have bathrooms we could use). I gussied up for this cocktail party (my first in the new town) after spending the entire day with movers. Six of the big burley guys, lovely souls, nosey as all get out, but lovely. Full of hints on how to take of the grand old house and it's garden.

We have nine doors to the outside world in this house. All nine were open at one time or another during the move. At one point I found strangers wandering around on the second floor looking for someone to book a room for them (we haven't taken down the Inn sign because it has electronics in it and we're stupid). So...where was I? Oh, tottering home from the short cocktail party, I smacked mom with a big kiss and sent her on her way, thanking her for babysitting our darling son. He and I adjourned for the rest of the evening with the cat and the most annoying dog on this planet to the play room in the basement.

A glass of wine later, nearing ten o'clock DS and I head up the stairs to go to bed. Stupid dog, we'll call him stupid to protect his identity, runs up the stairs barking his freaking head off (as usual) and as he speeds by me I hear the sound of a toilet on the top floor flushing....and the dog goes silent, disappearing up the stairs on the second or third floor. I pause, given that I've not flushed the toilet myself, and we should be alone in the house, and call for the dog, just a tad bit nervous...we've been here a month mind you, and toilet flushing sounds haven't been noted in that time frame.

Well I've got a four year old, and it's been hell keeping him alive so far, the dog won't answer me, and won't bark (highly unusual) and the cat has taken to hiding under the dining room table. Deciding that caution is probably the right approach here, I loudly say to DS that we have to get a bottle in the kitchen, (distracting the house breaker who is absentminded enough to flush a toilet) and then drag DS out by the skin of his teeth once we hit the kitchen; locking myself and said child in the gardeners cottage behind the house. I call 911 and say I believe I "MIGHT" have someone in the home, but am new to the house so it could be an error because I don't know it's sounds yet, but could they send over a couple of guys to maybe do a quick walkthrough and check it out for me given I have the small child with me.

Surely ma'am they'll respond and within seconds, really, quite lovely response, an officer and his partner show up. They tuck us back into the gardeners cottage and one guards us as the other heads to the door closest to him. Stepping in he yells some police stuff and BANG off go all the lights.

I looked at my phone and see quickly it's ten oclock on the nose....I open the cottage door to tell the officer that the lights have gone off because they're on a timer that we do not know how to locate, and as such, haven't been able to change itÂs shut off time, but not to worry, it's normal for us to wander around the house blindly after ten....but he growls "Stay safe, get back inside" Well the man is huge, and he's carrying a very large gun...and when large men with large guns tell me to shut up and go in the house...the strong woman in me turns into a small 3 year old and I got my arse back in the house

Seconds later (really quite impressive response time again) a dozen or so guys with BIG guns swarm the property. They enter all doors at once, yelling something about coming out with your hands up and making your presence known...I swear I almost came out of the cottage but the big dude was still there. I swear I could see two of our local deer in the garden standing on two legs with their front hoofs up to the sky....these guys are seriously scary when they mean business. They swarm over the house for about half an hour (I did call 911 back and tell them about the light issue while waiting) and then determine that all is clear.

At this point the prettiest police man in America comes to the cottage door and tells me all is well. Seriously I didnÂt care what he was saying, I just wanted to suck in my gut and comb my hair.... Lovely man, really aren't all men in uniform lovely, but this one....if I had a sister (I'd give her my husband and kidnap this gu...umm never mind that thought) he politely tells me all is well, and offers to escort me to the house with DS while I go calm the damn dog down (he's crouched in a ball under the bed whimpering like a coward, still not barking). And then he casually mentions....he sort of had a feeling he knew "Who" the intruder was, but wanted to be sure, hence the response (that and perhaps they haven't had a swat team call in say 20 years given the sleepy town we're in)....you see , he tells me, there were two sinks left running on the third floor and it was the water clearing the drains that I heard as I climbed up the stairs....not an absent minded criminal or lost houseguest from earlier in the day, not an evil mover intent on taking one of the 500 boxes all labelled "kitchen" (though none of them are in the kitchen) back to keep for himself....a sink drain....thank god it was dark...how embarrassing!!! I'm a sensible woman dang it....I don't call the police if the drains are clearing....ok I didn't use to anyhoo.

Now kids, I don't leave the water running, which is why I wasn't expecting to hear water coming down said drains...and I had never heard it before.

Either Mom* or the movers turned the water on to protect my little hiney so the pipes wouldn't freeze because they appear (in those two rooms) to be on an outside wall (they're not, but no one asked).

I had to bake a lot of apology cookies for the police dept the next day and DS still asks if his friends (he really liked the big guys with big guns) are coming back soon.

Some day I'm going to run into one of them and have to pretend IÂm not me, as it's still too embarrassing of a story to share locally...though given the sleepy town, I do expect it will make the paper soon...I'm not buying it (the paper, itÂs a rag) so I'll never know.

Next time I hear an invisible, absent minded burglar, axe murderer, etc, on the floor above where we are...I'm going to go clear the house myself....and I'm not sending the dog up to save my hiney first....better a quick end than having to face the lovely SWAT team commander again because my water is running in the restroom sink!

This is a totally normal thing for new home ownerÂs right? P

The only plus to the embarrassing story is that the dog didn't bark for 24 hours after the incident and apparently the deer were scared to death by the screaming men with big guns because they didn't return to the yard for a week I'm actually thinking it might be worth having them back occasionally...for tea....or just to scream and wave their guns around to scare off the wildlife (the real stuff not the ones I imagined were flushing toilets).

I did mention the dog's name is killer right?

{{gwi:1507313}}

Grrrrrr he's scary huh?

You need to print this story and save it. Enter it as a short story to a magazine, that's how good it is!

The part about Killer was the funniest! Hey, dogs are people too, they get scared, so leave him alone! LOL

Seriously, I've seen your house, how do you NOT stay scared when you're home alone at night? Even as a teenager left alone at night in our two story house, I'd walk around talking outloud and say, "dad are you cleaning your gun?" lol.

This is funny!! Thank goodness it was only the sink draining. I'm surprised you stayed so calm; I would've been hysterical.

KILLER??? Talk about naming against type!!

hee, hee, hee.....excellent story! You have quite the way with words. And the complicated life to provide tons of amusing material for your stories. I don't know how I missed this if you posted it earlier, but thank you for doing it again.
Jean

I read that hours ago and am still snickering.
I would get calls in the middle of the night from the security alarm company for where I used to work. My sweet dh would usually go check it out and meet the police when that happened. Normally it was a trapped bird setting off the alarm.
One of the few times I went, a lone officer was waiting at the gate. We proceeded through the building with him BEHIND me with his hand on his holster. I guess I was his human shield
I got Barney Fife and you got a SWAT team and the prettiest police man in America.....

What an adventurous life you lead. Moose making butt prints on your picture window in the Alaska house. And dangerous drains requiring not drano or a plumber, but a macho swat team in the Washington house.
Oh and bravely living with a Killer.
It could only be Igloo.... :)