Half as many clothes and twice as much money! That's what I always bring when I travel. But seriously, regarding clothing...I have friends and family in the Netherlands and England with teenagers and 20-somethings. You know what they wear? ABERCROMBIE, J. Crew, and GAP. Youth styles seem to be the same, no matter where in the world you go. I barely shop at all when I am travelling anymore because nearly everything I see in Europe can be had at home for a lot less $$$$. Plus, the exchange rate is so bad for anyone spending American dollars, that jacks the cost up more. When I was 21 I travelled for four months in Europe with a backpack, a rain coat (which was also a bathrobe and a pillow in the train!)and a good ole' Eurailpass. The more you brought, the more you had to carry, and it slowed you down, plus you had to worry a bit more about your "stuff" than I wanted to. Even now (20 years later) I pack ultra-light. For a three week trip to Provence and Amsterdam I recently took one small carry-on. My husband just came back from another 3-week trip to Singapore, Germany, Belgium, and Holland and again...a carry-on. It can be done, but only if you're serious about streamlining. Maybe this is a chance for your son to learn to live with less? Oh, the biggest hassle packing these days is all the electrical equipment and chargers. I took my kids to Europe recently and I swear, the iPods, digital cameras, Nintendo DSs, and cell-phones were the biggest pain. You need chargers to convert the plugs and all the chargers...practically one whole backpack for that stuff. If your son has all that, plus perhaps a laptop since he's going to study, it may very well be that the high tech equipment forces him to streamline... Also, make sure you make copies of all his travel documents (passports, tickets, visas, etc.)and photocopy charge cards, front and back, health insurance cards, etc. Keep one set at home and bring a second set on the trip. You never know...I did once lose my passport abroad. Copies help. Another thing, be aware that certain medications are different abroad. If you have a headache you might be taking paracetol instead of Ibrupofen. If he has certain OTC medications he prefers for colds and headaches, bring them. You'll find equivalents, but you won't get the same stuff. I had a terrible experience once, I picked up a Johnson & Johnson product abroad that seemed to be the same as the one I used in the US. Well...it had the same labelling and same name but was a slightly different formulation. I had a really awful allergic reaction. And...since it was an Ortho Gynol product, you can imagine how unpleasant that was! Nasty, nasty. But I've never had any trouble with soaps, shampoos, or moisturizing products. Once you start loading up on all the non-clothing necessities, you'll begin seeing that there's even less room for clothes than you or he thought initially.

From your post, it sounds like you have a real problem on your hands. I assume you have already considered and had him tested for drug and alcohol use--while I hope not, it could be a factor here (and sadly, if he's as depressed as he sounds, if it isn't yet, substance abuse could be right around the corner for him). He definitely needs some interests. Sports would be good if he's inclined. Music or dance, if his interests lean that direction. How about something like learning how to animate cartoons--DD loved doing that some years back. Volunteering is a great idea--about half the 'candy-stripers' at the hospital when my daughter was in high school and voluteered were guys (they weren't called candy stripers and had MUCH better uniforms to wear than the poor girls did). How about getting him involved in raising seeing eye puppies--check with your county 4-H on that one, they usually run those programs. Or perhaps some Saturday classes at the local college--many offer programs for high school students. A parttime job might even be a good idea if he can find one at his age--something like working in an ice cream parlor, perhaps--for a teenager, money is tangible evidence of his worth. I think at this point, it would be a good idea to look for some interests outside of school for him--once he starts to feel better about himself, he may find he can deal better with the pressures at school. I wouldn't give up on the couselling--do your research first. Interview several counsellors and find one who seems to understand your problem and who can come up with a plan. Maybe if you persevere, after a few sessions, he'll feel comfortable enough to open up. Let's face it--it's pretty hard for most of us adults to tell our problems to an outsider on the first or second meeting, so give him a little time. I'm sure you've also been frequent visitors to his guidance counselor, teachers, etc. Have you considered changing schools? Perhaps a vocational high school, where he can learn practical talents might be both more interesting and more useful to him. You're certainly right to be concerned--you want him to live up to his potential, not throw away his teen age years, then wake up in his 20's finding he has no preparation for a job, life.... Good luck.

Wanted to share what I've found out as well as to thank all these wonderful responses! So many of you indicate that ATMs seem to be the way to go for cash, so that's what we'll do for pocket money. We have discovered that we need to put down a deposit for lodging and an outing we've planned. That means that before we travel, we have to pay using a CC. I have discovered this. Credit cards issued through credit unions don't sock users with a 3% foreign exchange fee. They pass on the 1% that they are charged by VS & MC, but don't tack on the extra 2% that most banks add, for the total of 3%. Hooray for credit unions! DH is a member of one that issues CCs. (The two I belong to only have savings accounts and simple loans -- they don't even offer checking!) So we will apply for the CU CC -- to be used for overseas transactions! We are cautious/intentional about using CCs and pay our entire balances every month.

Emotionally it could be, like FD says, that she has always wanted MORE of a relationship, so I'd ask BF if he thinks that's the case. Has she been pining away for him during the past two years? How long have you and BF been together? I have to ask: were you dating BF when he had this one-night stand with her? Was she hoping he'd dump you for her? (I highly doubt this last scenario is how it went, but if so it would shed light and wouldn't say much good for her motivations.) As for financial, she may be worried that he will stop helping with expenses when there is someone else in the picture (you), which will of course change in some ways but not entirely. In all reality, whether BF is with you or not, he is still going to be obligated to pay child support and to help out financially with SOME of his son's expenses on top of it, which BF will help with unless he is a deadbeat. He should reassure her that he will always do his part to make sure their son is adequately and FAIRLY provided for, and hopefully this will allay some of her fears. While I hope the days of buying her big-ticket items and paying her debts are over, if it is an expense that is directly relevant to the welfare of their child (and heck, a car is arguably one of those expenses if it is her only car)*** then he is likely to continue to contribute *something* in certain cases. His contributions will at least continue to be a very delicate and controversial issue between all of you, whether money is actually paid out or not, and that alone is worth considering. Remember, $ is the top reason relationships end so it's always going to SOMEHOW be an issue, especially in blended families. And depending on where you live (b/c I think it varies but someone correct me if I'm wrong), if you have additional kids with him, the CS will not necessarily reduce because of that. And every year kids are alive, they get more expensive. So I don't see the financial outlook changing that much in dollars and cents, except for getting, all around, more expensive. In a wierd way, just being aware of that should make all of you more at ease with the ievitability of the situation. It is an issue everyone has to accept regardless. As for how much control she has over how much you are around and whether or not BF marries you, she just doesn't have that control. If she did, it would be called a "relationship" they are in, which they are not. It might be rough on her emotionally, and I think it's wonderful that you have the empathy for her situation and I agree that kindness doesn't hurt anything, but at the end of the day she can't control or prevent the relationship between you and BF. I would do what you've already thought about, making sure father & son get some alone time, and I would not push myself onto the scene with her until she is ready. It is very sad and difficult, but hopefully she will ---like all of us have had to at some point in our lives--- go on to recover from the breakup and be happy with or without another guy (but of course without your BF!) [***= I am no expert on child support and how most courts/agreements view custodial parent's cars as a child-rearing expense, so somebody with more experience in this area than me should speak up about that]