Hi new here have a ???????? LONG

22 years ago

DH is now our sole income...as I sold my business last year and retired....We lost our home to a fire a year and a half ago...and rebuilt...he did our new house on a 15 year mortage and out of his 2nd payck. it takes all but 200 dollars to live 2 weeks on...including groceries...etc....soo my ? is would it be better to go to 30 years lower our house payment..as basically now all we can deduct substancly (sp) wise is our mortage....and not be strapped as if a big expense came up we would not know what to do....say a sudden out of the blue something?? He is adamat about not going longer I am wanting to not be strapped...for money and pay extra when we can but have the extra if we need that month....he pays all the bills and is in control so it is not like I would go nuts and spend spend spend...what would you do????????? Stacy

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Comments (6)

cowboyind
22 years ago
I would be more in your camp than his. Life is too short to keep yourself financially strapped for years at a time because you want to keep a 15 year mortgage and get the house paid off sooner. Rates are now low, so it'd be a good time to go for the 30 year mortgage, drop your payment, and have a little breathing space.

But I doubt you have much chance of changing his mind. This is largely a matter of differing values. While it's definitely financially beneficial to pay a house off sooner and reduce interest expense, there is also value in enjoying some of the scenery of life along the way. None of us know exactly what the future holds for us.
CindyBelleZ6NJ
22 years ago
Go for the 30, live a little-you can always add extra principal payments when/if your financial situation improves, you will have the tax deduction on the interest. I was in a very tight situation for sometime, not my own doing, I refinanced so that I could have a little breathing room, and as things improve, I add a little more principal payment every month. The flexibility is worth it, and I can eat right again, get my dog his medicine, and breathe.
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This was a post that I thought I didn't need to post on at first, but I will offer up my $.02 anyway. When I met my current husband, he was a bouncer in a bar. Not the kind of bar that has too much excitement, but I am sure he had his chances. (Hey, I thought he was cute; I couldn't have been the only one.) He was also a friend of my brothers. One of the reasons I dated him was because he never went home with any of the women there, didn't waste his time flirting with them either. He had friends that were girls, but he didn't hang all over them either. I also got a pretty good recommendation from a rather over protective brother. LOL. You would think that with me being the oldest one, I wouldn't need protected, but my first husband did more wrong than you could imagine and I was pretty fragile afterwards for a while. I wouldn't even date for nearly a year. Back to the point. Later I found out that DH worked as a bouncer at a few strip clubs before he met me. I had to deal with that. He knew what they were like and told me stories that would curl (or straighten) your hair. Some of them might just make it stand straight up. I was really insecure for a while. I took it hard. I finally swallowed my pride and told him how I felt. He knew something was bothering me, but didn't know what. It was just a part of his past, like his first marriage, after all. He told me that it was just a job, one that paid pretty well. He also told me that the last thing he wanted to touch was a woman like that after seeing how some of them behaved when they were off stage. He could never have made enough money at his day job to support himself and still pay child support, and help take care of his mom. It was just a way to make ends meet. I know that there are other jobs, but I guess he just looked the part. He is about 5'9" and looks as wide as he is tall with little fat on him. Most of the time he didn't have to do much, but sit and glare at idiots. That was enough to settle them down. The point is that sometimes what men do doesn't make sense to women, but that doesn't mean they are wrong. They just think differently than we do. It is what makes them the way they are. Unless you are lesbian or bi, it is best to be thankful they don't think like we do. That would change everything. Even the best men make choices that don't make sense to us and we don't have to agree with them. But we can't expect them to be something they are not. Your husband shouldn't do things that cause you pain, but you need to keep in mind that what he did was in the past and you have to leave it there. If he knows how you feel, then that is something that he is unlikely to forget and if he is considerate in every other part of your marriage (most of the time, anyway) then he is going to respect your feelings. That is more important than one bad judgement call. He obviously wasn't comfortable there, and I doubt he will choose to go to a place like that again. I think you need to approach him like Amy Fiddler suggested and make sure he knows how you feel without making your past his fault. You may need to talk to someone else about your past because you are still carrying baggage from your first marriage. It might be hard to put it down, but your marriage will be a lot better if you can leave your ex and his problems out of it. Good Luck
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grinch_gut
Original Author
22 years ago
Thank you both...I am going to show this thread to my dh...he means well he does...but I don't think he is thinking about how tight it is now...and what is something happens to either after struggling to get by for 15 years..then we are ready for fun...and tradgey hits...we struggled for nothing....IMO....Thanks again...sTacy
dave_donhoff
22 years ago
GG,
Go with the 30 amortized loan. Get that cash-flow in better shape.

Tell DH he can squeeze the rock all he wants and stuff the monthly savings into CDs or Bonds that he can cash in at year 15 to wipe out the mortgage. If he pays as much (or close) into his (semi)liquid savings instruments, he'll be pretty much able to accomplish the same thing without causing you both to live as paupers along the way.

Tell him this;
It is FAR SAFER AND MORE CONSERVATIVE to have CASH ON HAND, rather than real estate equity on hand.

Having CASH should only scare the irresponsible.
(It "should" but it doesn't... because hey! They're irresponsible! ;~)

Cheers,
Dave Donhoff
Just some mortgage guy ;~)
gardenspice
22 years ago
A couple of things to consider. Refinancing will cost you. It may be able to be rolled into the mortgage, but it is still money you will have to pay, and if rolled into the mortgage, pay with interest.
If you decide to go with 30, have a very detailed plan on how much emergency money you need. Save that money, then try to go back to paying your mortgage like a 15 year mortgage, by making extra payments toward principal each month.
I understand your husband's feelings. I consider my mortgage to be a noose that I can't wait to cut. However, I have cash on hand in case of emergency/unemployment and I did take a 30 year mortgage, so just in case I have a financial downturn, I can stop paying the extra I pay to principal each month.
Good Luck!
trekaren
22 years ago
We have chronic health problems so we tend to live conservitavely. We chose a 30-year mortgage, but as long as we can afford to, we are putting a lot extra each month down against principle. This has the effect of turning it into a 15-20 year mortgage in the long run, and over the last 7 years, has made a big dent in our mortgage. And if something should happen to DH's health situation, we have a very affordable mortgage, and can simply stop putting so much extra down.

We refinanced with our credit union for almost nothing in closing costs. There are low-cost refi's out there. Just shop around.

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