Haven't had one personally, but many of my friends who went back to work after the birth of their children found it very convenient to have a live-in. How many children do you have?

Boop, I though I mentioned it on the other site. I had a couple of friends with au paires when their kids were small. You have to remember that some of these girls come from very different countries and some of the younger ones, 18 or 19, are still kids themselves.

I sometimes used them for babysitting when my friends didn't need them. They liked the extra pocket money! They also quickly meet other au paires and plan their own social activities. Each person is different, but the better au paires seemed to be from Germany and at least 20 years old.

Will you be providing a car or letting them drive a family car? Something to think about. You need to set expectations upfront and not assume they know how to do things the same way you would. Language can be a bit of a barrier. Once again the German girls seemed to have less issues with English.

One of my friends was considering a German au paire, so she found a friend who spoke German and had the friend interview the au paire in German. The friend got a lot more initial information by speaking in the same language. The girls come here to improve their English, so many times they start out with basic English.

Overall the relationships worked out well for all my friends and no one ever had any accidents or major emergencies with the kids.

Boo, none of my grown kids have had a live-in, but have had 'sitter's who were licensed nanny's. I'm not one who likes to think negatively, but do install surveillance cameras to protect your child AND yourself. My 'ex' son-in-law worked for a surveillance business in San Diego, and most of the business came from homes where both parents worked and someone was there alone with the children/child during those hours. Things can happen.

The only thing I could add is to not let a nanny use your car. You will be liable for anything she does. And it could hurt you big time financially and even legally.

What about finding someone to come to your home in the mornings and leave when you get off work?

i've had some friends who have used au pairs, and i would 2nd what chispa said about choosing one who is closer to 20!

alot of people worry about the kids when the year or so is up and a new au pair needs to be selected, but it seems the parents are often the ones who are affected the most negatively since it can be such an adjustment having someone new live in your home and deal with your kids.

my understanding is a nanny from the us will be significantly more expensive!

At the moment we have one child. DH had been caring for him and would like to go back to work part time (from home) (and who knows, maybe there will be child #2 at some point in the future)

So basically DH will be home 95% of the time as well. I probably should have said nanny instead of Aupair. We are looking for someone from the US. It is more expensive, but I feel more comfortable being able to have some one come for a week or long weekend before moving in to our home. Maybe that is short sighted of me, I am not sure.

You did answer on the other site Chispa and thank you. :) Just looking for more thoughts on the subject. I only know about 3 families that have had live in help, and I am torn on the subject frankly.

The drawback, from what I can see, to hiring someone from the US that might not be local is they won't have the network of the Aupair agency. Depending on the person though there might be other networks that will enable them to quickly build a social network.

Thank you to those who have responded so far!

Where I live (just outside of Boston) child care costs are astronomical. Having a private nanny is only slightly more expensive than having a child in daycare and IMHO you get a lot more bang for your buck. My sister actually IS a full-time nanny (not live-in) for an 8 month old and she loves it. The couple she works for has nanny cams and she's totally fine with it. My one piece of advice would be to get the word out that you're looking! My sis was unhappy at her previous job (preschool teacher) when she started looking around on the internet for nanny positions. She found the couple she currently works for, but as it turned out the woman was one of my sister-in-law's best friends. That my sis-in-law could vouch for my sis gave the couple a lot of peace of mind. If the couple had just told sis-in-law they were looking for a nanny, my sis-in-law would've set them up with sis much sooner (they had been looking and interviewing with no success for a long time)!

I was an au pair in Italy. The mom was from NYC and the dad was Italian. She stayed at home and the place wasn't very big at all. The kids were 4 and 6.

I never had a chance. I was miserable trying to live in one little room in their house, but maybe I could have gotten used to that eventually. The worse problem was that the mom was home and there was no way I could be in charge -- they'd just go running into her. Of course they wanted to be with their mom, and she was right there! It was unworkable.

Oh, and my main job was to try to make theme eat. Make them eat?! I was outa there after a couple of days.

DD2's sister-in-law just moved from GA to AZ to be a live-in nanny for a young boy. She loves it. DD1 leases a cottage and the landlord lives next door. They've had 2 nanny's in the almost 3 years DD1 has lived there. First one was from Sweden and lived in a very small "studio" in their backyard. She was there almost a year. They moved to France for a year (did a house swap), but after they returned they briefly had a nanny (also lived in the studio) she didn't have her long. I believe she was in the Bay Area temporarily as well.

I could see doing it both ways, but depending on whether or not you really want someone living under your roof full time. Is there any privacy given in the evenings? Nannies in studio didn't have a kitchen but did have a bath, they were off in the evenings unless the couple were going out.

Your DS is very outgoing and very active. I know he's young and you like him at home and I'm not suggesting he go to a daycare situation daily. That said, even at a young age, kids love to interact with children their own ages (and older). Have you considered a learning pre-school setting two days a week? At his age, it's usually only a 9-12 thing. Would give DH a break and DS time with other children.

DD2 was a nanny to a 2yo for about 18 months. She worked out of their home (did not live with them) and was always taking him to park, reading at the library and bookstores, etc. to get him around other children. Also local zoo, children's museums, etc.

A comment was made about never letting a nanny drive your car. This isn't a problem if it has been cleared with the insurance company, the nanny has a license and good driving record. If a nanny is going to use her own car to drive your child somewhere, you would also want to check their record and insurance.

Boop, you are in a major metropolitan area, you should be able to find a very good pre-school. I was/am a SAHM and both of mine went to pre-school for a few hours. I did sign up DS2 when he was born so he could attend the 2-year old class!!! It was a great pre-school and always had a waiting list. DS2 started out with 2 days per week and he went 9-3. They had just morning options too, but it made a big difference having 2 days were I could really get stuff done. DS2 brought in his pack lunch and they had nap time. You would be amazed how 2 year olds who don't listen to their parents :-) will sit quietly, wait their turn and follow the rules of the classroom!!

Just my 2 cents worth because I don't have kids. This is an interesting subject though! Allison makes some good points. For me personally, I cannot imagine having someone else live in our home.

Jamies - how interesting!

Chispa, I thought that about the car also. When my grandfather was still alive, and my mom was helping them out (he got to the age where he shouldn't be driving LOL), he would want her to drive them places in HIS car, not hers. All they did was have her name added to the policy as a driver or something like that.

Boop - forgive me if I missed this, but I am unsure why you are looking for live-in help?

Keep us posted - like I said, this is an interesting topic.

tina

Danielleg - it is good to hear your sister is having a good experience.

Jamies - that sounds horrible!

Allison and Chispa - I wonder if it varies region to region. I do have my eye on two preschools for DS. I am a montessori girl and would like him to go as well. There are two within a reasonable distance to me. Neither one will start a child until they are 2 yrs 9 months which means really not starting until Sept 2012. That is a ways off!

Tina and all. :) Let me just say this. Having a DH be a SAHD seems to be much different then having a SAHM. :) He takes care of many things around the house, but not so much cooking, laundry, cleaning up after DS and we are both in our early 40's. I work many hours. :( I would like to be able to spend the free time I do have on enjoyable activities with DS. We just feel that it would be good for our son to have a 20 something around to keep him entertained, teach and nurture him and help with his laundry etc and just keep up with him. He is VERY active as Allison and Chispa said. Could hold up his head when born, scoot around at 4/5 months and was walking by 7 months. He has been on the go a long time already.

Maybe I am crazy. Y'all can tell me so. Isn't that why we come here. :) Live-in vs Live out is really the question. For 1 child, a live-out part time person is probably OK especially as my son gets a bit older. Live out full time is much more expensive then live-in, and we found this winter especially, that there were many days the nanny could not get to us, had to stay home with her kids, etc.

We have also debated finding someone for the summer and that way we can see where we are and if there will be a baby #2 at some point. It would also be a way for us to see how it is to have someone live in. I really can't see DH home with 2 kids and no nanny. It isn't financially feasible for us to switch roles completely, and we like having one of us home.

We are planning basically a sort of apartment with a full bath, kitchenette, and separate entrance which I think will give privacy as needed. Worst case my stepson (19) can use it. :)

I'm from a part of the country where live in nannies are common. If that is what you want, go for it. Just make sure you have the rules laid out, especially when your nanny is off. I have only seen very positive results that resulted in life long relationships (ie, nannies have come to high school graduations, weddings...)
If done properly, it can be wonderful.

Jo

My sister was a live-in nanny for years. She had two very successful positions and one horrible position. The good ones treated her like part of the family (someone living with you permanently and caring for your children deserve a lot of respect) and allowed her to do her job and showed their appreciation. The bad one treated her like a servant and allowed their children to be disrespectful.

That was years ago and most of the children are grown. She still is in contact with them and will occasionally go on a shopping trips with the girls or invites the kids to her house for a BBQ and swimming.

Your description of your son reminds me very much of my older son when he was little - another baby who held his head up the day he was born. Bright, curious, highly active children seem to be a great match for Montessori, so I'd maybe get him on some waiting lists for when he is the right age... Please also know that not all Montessori schools are created equal. We had 2 wonderful and 2 not-so-good before we were done.

That said - I had a nanny for older DS when he was little, and it was *wonderful*. She was a lovely young woman (26) originally from Africa but raised and educated in Sweden. She lived out (which kept my work hours reasonable) and drove her own car (excellent driving record - I checked). I gladly allowed her to run her personal errands with baby-DS provided she kept her cell phone on and respected his nap times. She enjoyed the flexibility, and I know DS enjoyed the outings. She stayed for 2 years before moving across the country to finish college and reunite with her lost love (now husband). During that time, we became dear friends, and I know my son and I still have a place in her heart as she does in ours.

Sounds like the kind of help you would most like is part-time nanny (while SAHD tries to work) and part-time housekeeper?

Here in Texas, there are many 'grandmotherly' women (mostly Hispanic with limited English) that fill that type of role. I don't know if that's a viable option where you are, or one you would consider -- but it might be a more comfortable fit for the whole family.

By 'fit', what I mean is that a pure 'nanny' role doesn't normally include any housekeeping that isn't child-related. In other words, she'd do your son's laundry, but not yours. Fix lunch for him, but not Dad. For most European girls and Au Pairs, I think this is a very meaningful distinction. (I know it was for our nanny, a distinction that drove my Ex nuts.) Anyway, in those cultures, nannies are treated as quasi family members and housekeepers are 'domestic servants'. A nanny would be insulted at being asked to do 'maid's work'.

My only other piece of advice? Look, look, look until you find the right person. You'll know it when you do. And it's as much 'heart' and 'judgement as 'qualifications'. Then pay them well and treat them well, remembering that your son's happiness and emotional health depend on it!

Allison and Chispa - I wonder if it varies region to region. I do have my eye on two preschools for DS. I am a montessori girl and would like him to go as well. There are two within a reasonable distance to me. Neither one will start a child until they are 2 yrs 9 months which means really not starting until Sept 2012. That is a ways off!

Most nannies in my area are not live in's. Most do not do house cleaning. Only meals, laundry, driving, etc for the children.

Preschool here you need to register early early early. It's NOT to early!

He takes care of many things around the house, but not so much cooking, laundry, cleaning up after DS.

No comment. ;)

Have you considered a house keeper rather than a nanny? And then some sort of part-time childcare for your son? That would take care of both situations and then the time you are home could be spent with your son.

We have friends who have used the Montessori schools and they seem excellent! The usually seem advanced if/when they switch to regular schools.

We have a woman at work who works full time and for now, her husband is Mr. Mom. This is not a young couple either, they are in their 40's. Mr. Mom does alot of things around the house, all of the activities/appts./etc. related to the 3 children and all cooking. (Mrs. cooks some on weekends). While he does some basic housekeeping and the laundry, they have a housekeeper come in bi-weekly to do a more thorough job. Seems to work out well for them.

tina

I had a nanny for the third son - she was with us for 3 years. She also did light housekeeping/laundry for some extra $$. She got bored during nap times etc and wanted something to do. I do think though that the housekeeping was more what she liked to do, and not so much on the floor playing with my son.

That said, I agree with Tina that you need a housekeeper. Believe me, that alone will relieve all stress between DH and yourself. As well as free up your own time at home to play with your son or other activities you enjoy. Having children later in life hopefully allows you the financial freedom of paying for some extra help around the house. Someone who does cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping.

Your son is just a year old? That is a little young for daycare if you have other options. It seems the little ones get sick quite easily in daycare, and it may not be worth it. Our son went to daycare when he was three. He needed the social interaction with kids his own age since his brothers were so much older.

I would look for a sitter to come in parttime 4 hours a day and a housekeeper to come in at least once a week or more if you can afford it.

Life will be good with just a little more help!

I am remiss in giving an update. :) We have found a temporary nanny locally. She is wonderful, and we shall see how long we can hold on to her. She is part time. DS LOVES her. I think she will be setting the bar in some ways for any future person.

We still have been interviewing for the longer term spot, but feel a lot less pressure.

You are right sweeby (as usual. :) ) As much heart as qualifications. Makes total sense. We do want to focus on someone younger. We are both 40 something and feel it will be beneficial to DS, which is the main objective of course, to have someone half our age around. (I hate saying that!)

We do have a cleaning service every two weeks and that is great. Also little things like groceries delivered. For now all is much better. :) Oh, and DH and I have agreed if we do get a nanny that is focused only on DS, that DH will do the other things around the house. You would be amazed, or maybe not, at the amount of girls looking for nanny/housekeeping/assistant/pet sitter work on different sites. Many many grads that can't get jobs. It does make it even harder to find the right person I think.

I did call one of the Montessori schools and there is no waiting list. I am curious Sweeby on your thoughts of how to pick a good one. I can probably do some searching on the subject and should probably get going on that and then go visit both of the schools near me.