Loving everyone's updates and photos! It's especially fun getting progress updates from those who broke ground around the same time we did in September. To the rest of you, yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise! Sorry I don't post much. Our wood floors are in, most of the painting is done, cabinets and built ins are installed, all but one bathroom tiled. Next up is stair risers and treads, banisters, closet organizers and extra shelving, light fixtures, railing on our veranda and finishes to the front portico. Quartz countertops will be delivered in a couple weeks. I can't believe we're still on schedule for moving in by Memorial Day with all the weather setbacks we had this winter. The flurry of activity on finish details at our house is exciting and is definitely worth the necessary headaches and aggravation along the way. Michelle, we have a vacation home at Crystal Mountain, and I agree that the architectural style around the village is fabulous - so charming. We are building a custom home south of you along the lakeshore (with shed dormers and other Craftsman details... a la Crystal Mountain) with roughly 2800sf on main floor, 1000sf on second level and a fully finished walk out lower level for around $100sf not including lot, and I feel we chose quality materials. I certainly don't feel we skimped. My number may sound low per sf since I'm including the lower level in the calculation. Our goal was to downsize since we'll be empty nesters soon, but ... ummm that didn't happen. We expect lots of visitors during the summer months since, and we wanted to have room for them and all our future grandkiddos, who get their own bunk room on the second floor.

yoyobon, "That is a road better left untraveled." I don't understand what you meant by this other than you may feel that it will not help you to move forward and what you define as forward. "...there is nothing...NOTHING...that I can do today to change one moment of my history as a parent." No, you cannot change the past other than to understand it and to acknowledge what behaviors could have contributed to the situation in the present. I don't feel that is nothing. Deep understanding is beneficial. I would not dwell on how you cannot change the past, especially if you are contemplating letting her know of any regrets you may have. I basically don't understand why so many people get stuck here and recite this repeatedly. It sounds too much like they do not want to work on themselves or do the work necessary to make ammends--that point in the relationship where they have deep understanding of the issues. As to making amends, apologizing and expressing heartfelt regret, I also would only take that step after careful consideration as well. It needs to be a sincere effort, not a last resort bandaid to try to fix the situation. People know when it isn't sincere and when someone offers a non-apology, because they demonstrate cluelessness about what happened, stating that they don't understand. They cling to non-understanding in the role they played in the conflict. "I can offer my regrets and apologies...what good are they?" I disagree with the above statement. I think when they are sincere it can make an incredible difference. The problem as I see it as that they usually are not sincere and that there is no remorse or true understanding given. I've also had to learn and to practice grief for people who have died. I've done it for the living too--the new grief that you speak of. I believe that adult children who also estrange themselves do so with full acknowledgement that they are too mourning a loss. In fact, I can assure you that they do. They may just express it differently. "I like to believe that my daughter is better without all of us, her family...for whatever reasons." She may be for this period in her life feel like she is better off or at least feel more peaceful, despite it feeling hurtful for you to contemplate this. I don't know what is going on in her life and what stresses she is managing or coping with. Sometimes people in our lives deepen our burdens and cause more stress to us, even if it is unintended. They do so with their trying to help, when maybe one isn't asking for help. They harm in countless ways which they don't seem to understand. Your daughter sounds like she needs privacy and space and I would give it to her. Be generous with your heart to her and give her this. As for an apology there is the right time and place and it sounds from what you wrote above that she needs a lot of room and space. "Only she knows her true motivation for destroying each of us in the manner that she chose to do it." That is correct. Only she knows her true motivation. Maybe she tried to tell you something, which you couldn't hear. I don't know and saying that to you is not a judgement. Yes, you are not her and do not know what is in her heart. And you may feel hurt and lonely, but she has not destroyed you. If her husband is a narcissist as you describe then she will need you to forgive her. She will have to deal with it on her own or at least maybe she can find what it is that she will need to do without others burdening her heart with guilt, shame or their needs and opionions, whether they intentionally mean to hurt her or not. The best you can give to her would be non-judgement and unconditional love. You can still love your daughter and grandchildren with the full measure of your heart through understanding and generosity--give her time, space and privacy. Maybe what you can do for you now is to consider therapy for yourself. It may help you to cope with this process and grieveing and the pain that is in your heart. Some people don't like taking those steps, but I think it wise to take care of yourself. What you say will stay between you and the therapist and remain confidential, which I believe is a much healthier way for some people to address deep feelings of loss and emotional pain without other people's judgements or personal adgenda's. My in-laws and family members have not taken measures to make amends. It would have made a difference to me, especially if their had been some kind of deep understanding of the issues and if I had been able to have felt their sincerity. It makes a huge difference--it would have for me.

Sorry I'm chiming in so late. My dad passed away 3 weeks ago just after finding out that his prostate cancer had just moved into his liver. He'd been in the hospital getting ready to start chemo, was getting better, sent home and he died the next evening with most of his family in his home. Bittersweet. I'm executrix & am very overwhelmed with all the stuff I need to do altho not very complicated. I am 58 yo and keep trying to figure out was 60 looks like. I've seen some "older looking" 60 somethings & some that look like I feel. (None of you GW'ers fit that older look!) I was born & raised in W. Michigan; then lived in and taught in Costa Rica where I met my dh. We moved to NC 29 years ago with a 1 year old son. My dh is Materials Mgr in a chemical co. My oldest is now 30 and a research chemist; 27yo dd is a bench chemist; youngest is a business major with a minor in...chemistry. I was a pioneer in homeschooling & hs'ed my own from K-12th grade. I was a hs curriculum rep for NC/SC & worked the bookfairs. (NC's is one of the top 5 in the country) I got involved in hs co-ops where I taught high school/middle school Spanish. I just "knew" it was time to quit at the end of last semester. Dh & I buy run-down houses, fix them up and rent them out. We weren't sure Social Security would be around by the time we retire--and our 401K has been having its ups & downs. Our real estate venture has done well; we were 2 blocks from a local university & rented to students until the U decided to make a 1-mile rule that students had to live farther than 1 mile off campus. Last fall we sold 2 to the U & made a handy profit. In this venture, I've redone 2 gut job kitchens, done some simple remodeling with painting & new counters & selvaging cabinets we found in the basement. All get dishwashers--it's the first thing the women(and students) notice. There is another one that we have done a partial remodel on--the base cabinets. Between the next renters we'll go to Part B, taking out a huge unused chimney that's on a non-supporting wall & redoing the uppers for this house from the 1920's with a chopped up-floor plan. Actually, I thought we would be building our retirement house right now. In 96 we bought a lot in the NC mountains; it's a 1/2 acre lot that overlooks a small lake in an older gated community. It's my "Still Waters", where I go to restore my soul. We were close to having the plan done & working on the kitchen plan when I discovered GW--the plan I originally wanted wouldn't work when we actually put it on paper & looked at it 3D--not enough upper cabs. I was about ready to post it for comments, but alas, with my dad's hospitalizations, I've not had the time. We're close to blueprints & I'm tweaking the rest of the design with an interior decorator friend. Worth the $$$. At my own home, a 70's ranch, we'll update the kitchen that we remodeled in 92 from a country look w/honey oak cabinets with granite & a new backsplash. We put in wood floors 4 years ago. So I don't know what project comes first. We've just completed our biggest fixer ever and the renter comes in next weekend. What will we ever do with all that spare time? We have a severely leaky shower in the master bath--we think we'll need to gut it to fix it. I think it will be sooner rather than later. I like camping, Bible study, travel, photography & scrapbooking. I enjoy going to crops & doing my scrapbooks with other women--it's creative, and for the most part I get to relive all those wonderful experiences I have captured on camera. I've read everyone's storied and have found it enjoyable. This board relaxes me in the evenings. Thanks all.

Note that wood filler will crack over time as the wood moves if you are intending to use it to fill cracks between wood pieces. You'll need to use caulk to avoid that and caulk can not be shaped and molded like the woodfiller. I had the plywood style cabinets you have, but in much much better shape and was just going to do a replace the doors and hardware and re-configure a bit because I saw in person how the added wood to the doors looked after a few years in my friends home (looked nice when just done and they did spend a lot of detail work on it). However since my boxes were built in large pieces I couldn't reconfigure and ended up completely replacing the boxes too.. This was my old house. In my current house we have plywood built cabinets that all looks nice on the surface, but are cheaply built IMHO. We've fixed slides twice, the doors are a bit warped, drawer boxes need some help soon. I also installed some IKEA cabinets in our dining room which holds all my daughters toys. They get as much use as our kitchen cabinets and have held up so much better as well, plus they have been handled by little people who are not careful. They are low VOC and has the nice bells and whistles of full extension soft close drawer glides and soft close doors. I really want to switch my kitchen cabinets to IKEA, but for me to do that I need to come up with a better layout to satisfy the other issues with my kitchen. Unfortunately for you it doesn't look like cabinet grade plywood was used on your cabinets due to the roughness which is another huge difference between yours and irmaly's starting point. If you insist on keeping the boxes vs. getting the nice bells and whistles you could with IKEA cabinets, then at least save yourself the frustration and get some new doors/drawer fronts and also some new drawer boxes. In my old house I used Scherr's to replace the doors in my 2 bathrooms and for a master vanity I built and used all wood in poplar - a cheaper paintgrade wood if you want to avoid the MDF. However having MDF as the center panel in a door makes the door more stable and less prone to wood changes with humidity. I agree with most though that starting from scratch would be worth it vs. the amount of time you'll spend on what you have and then how long it will last after that. You'd also have a better starting point with new cabinets and re-configuring the space. Sure you can do what you want and end up with it looking a whole lot better- but you said you were short on time and working with what you have is going to take a long time to make it look pristine. That is a lot of filling and sanding needed. Never mind how you plan to fix the edges so it looks good. That line would bother me to see the line between the applied wood and then the ratty edge underneath that will need a lot of work to made look good again. Sure you wouldn't see it when closed and looking straight at them, but when open or from the top or side it will be hard not to notice. Also are your existing doors the right overlap to be able to change to concealed hinges?