Well, I can see why you would be frustrated. It's annoying to plan things out to the detail and then have to deal with someone who doesn't understand some of the intricacies. Or to be looking forward to an evening with someone, only to have it changed.

At the same time, I do think you may be taking it a little too personally. I doubt it's a reflection of the value of your friendship. There may be more to the story - say the sister was in town and your guest wanted to spend the evening with her, and her husband. Maybe she figured there's no harm in asking since many dinner parties are rather informal. Though I DO agree that she should have taken the hint! She shouldn't have pressed the issue. I would have been annoyed at that.

As for the birthday dinner...maybe she wanted to spend her birthday with her daughter as well? I mean, if it's a tradition between the two of you then I can maybe see it as a little rude but I personally like to spend my birthdays with family and friends. Maybe she didn't realize you wanted a more intimate setting and she just wanted to celebrate. Maybe she's a little hurt that you would rather cancel over spending time with her and her daughter for HER birthday.

Life's short. My advice would be to value your friendships and don't sweat the small stuff. Part of friendships is annoying each other. ;)

Good luck with your party!

Perhaps you need to find some different friends.
When people are so rude as to suggest bringing a friend to a sit down dinner...I feel no need to be polite to their request.
In the case of the dinner guest I would say..."No, I'm sorry, I can't spoil the party for the other guests, I'll find someone else this time and You and I will get together later.
And to the friend who wanted to have her daughter join you....say something like Oh no you will want to be with your daughter, you and I will just do lunch another time.

I have one "friend" who makes rude requests like that, I don't often let her get away with it but sometimes do because I am so surprised by the request that I don't know what to do!
Linda C

Welcome peanutbutter! don't think I have met you before! Don't be a stranger now ya hear? AND....have you seen the discussion side of this forum?
Linda c

I'm usually surprised when other people have different expectations (in other words, their own), especially when I'm the one making the effort to have a dinner party, which means not only cooking the food, setting the table and cleaning my house. I also understand why it's easy to take it personally, especially when it seems to keep happening. (Yes, Been There, Done That.) I've actually quit inviting people over much anymore, because no one seems to want to make an effort on anyone's behalf but mine. Yes, people will happily arrange your invitation to include their agenda. I'm sad to say it, but I'm also one who thinks graciousness and courtesy have laid down and died. Personally, I wouldn't care if someone was cool to me because I chose to make my own arrangements. I would just tell them how sorry I was they made other plans with ____, and they'll be missed. (No longer.) Then, secure in the knowledge you no longer need to accommodate them, happily move on!

The request to bring her sister to a dinner party was really out of line. Perhaps you should have suggested she bring the sister instead of her husband. I think you had every right to say "sorry, no" and not have to give a reason why.

As for bringing along the daughter, I would have just gone along with that and arranged a one-on-one lunch with your friend later.

UGH!!! I cant even touch on this for fear someone I know may read this!! I feel for you I experience something similar often!

Yes, situations as have experienced happen all the time, with friends, relatives, coworkers, and recently in various internet forums. People can be inconsiderate, nasty and mean. You do get the feeling that graciousness and courtesy have gone out of style. When that happens to me, while it annoys me to no end because I am only human, but still I try to look at things this way:

When stressful situations as you have described happen, it could be:

Your friend might not be socially cultured in just that one aspect of behavior, but otherwise completely normal, or your friend could be an inconsiderate SOB on purpose in all manners. You will have to the only one to make a decision to cultivate your friendship further or not, because there are so many other factors in friendship maintenance.

However, not to disagree with you, it can also be a matter of perception.

I remember in General Psychology 101, there was a topic, which I canâÂÂt remember the technical name for.

If you are waiting for a bus on a two ways street which also has a bus stop going the other way. You will always feel that there are always more buses coming from the opposite direction.

As humans, we seem to remember adversity more than good times.

Off-topic?:

There is a couple, good friends, who I try not to invite to my parties. Each time they come, they would come with may be a variety of 7, 8, or a doz. bottles of very expensive wines. That always turns my parties into more of a wine tasting theme party.

dcarch

To answer your question - YES, it sure seems it has around here too. I've actually had friends laugh and tell me they invite themselves all the time and they sure have where I'm concerned. Very frustrating. There is something very liberating about growing older, however it is no excuse for rudeness as many seem to think it is these days. Do not take it personal though. It seems to just be a sign of the times.

peanutpeanutbutter, Came looking for you on GW. Hoping you will also come back to the manufactured home board. There are some replies to your post and I also have similar situation as you with our house.Ideas to share. Sorry to butt in here.

Gads social structure some times sucks.Makes me wonder about people too. Hope you can get it worked out.

Chris

Thanks for sharing your own stories and observations with me. It's frustrating and really is difficult to not take situations personally. Glad, but sad, to know I'm not alone is noticing the decline of etiquette!
PPB

I think graciousness and courtesy are missing on a few cooking forum posts too.