Stupid, insensitive doctors!

15 years ago

Hi, this has been building for quite some time and the post from Gina about her mom waiting for test results brought it to the surface. I didn't want to hijack her thread and my thoughts and prayers are with you during this tough time.

Okay, the reason for this post. When my mom was in the hospital after her 3rd heart attack I was on the way to see her after work when my dad called to say he was having chest pains and was driving himself to the emergency room. Oh great, both parents in the cardiac unit I was thinking. Well, a bit of family history....whenever my mom was sick or had anything that was bothering her my dad was always saying 'me too!'. He couldn't be compassionate (my DW is alot like this..sigh) and always had similar symptons. It got to the point of being rather humorous at times although maddening as well. After my grandma died (mom's mom) my mom got so depressed and suicidal she had to be admitted to a mental ward for a while. My dad was then depressed and checked himself in as well and had a great time making crafts, belts etc LOL. Okay, so that is the history behind the 'me too' bit.

Anyway, my dad was in emergency and I was running from one end of the hospital to the other all the while making sure my mom didn't know my dad was also being admitted. She was blind and I was doing a pretty good tap dance avoiding questions about where he was and why he wasn't visiting her etc at that time.

Well, the next morning the heart doc came into to her room and casually mentioned that my dad was also admitted for heart problems. I arrived shortly after finding my mom 3/4 of the way out of bed after having another heart attack...she was so upset about my dad she did actually have another heart attack and if I wouldn't have shown up she would have most likely died right there. I was furious with the doctor and my dad. I vowed to never forgive him, but I did especially after they found out he had a blockage and needed a stent put in. If he would have been faking I would have killed him myself. But the doctor...arghhhh...after all that trying to keep this from her he casually mentions this and walks out of the room.

Okay, after her 5th heart attack within a year they determine that she needs surgery. The prognosis is 70/30 they say....which I tell my mom 80/20....so if I was lying they most likely were too. We knew it was risky, but there really wasn't much choice. The heart surgeon arrives after transporting her to the hospital where the surgery is to be performed. I am in the room making sure she gets fed since being blind she can't find the food tray when the food service people plop it down 4 feet from her bed. Anyway the heart surgeon tells her while I am there that if she does survive the surgery that she will need to require dialysis treatments 3 times a week after that for the rest of her life. Okay, WHY tell her that when we need her to be positive before the surgery? Tell ME..but she doesn't have to know??? My mom was not the most positive person and the doctor might as well as been hammering a few nails in her coffin for the damage to her will to live.

Doctors can be very smart, but they can be so stupid in common sense areas of the human psyche. I had this building for some time and don't really require any responses. I just needed to get it off my chest.

My mom died 2 weeks after surgery. Lungs, heart and kidneys. Couldn't overcome all of that.

Duane

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Comments (9)

loagiehoagie
Original Author
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
...oops. I'm sorry..I thought I was in conversations. Moderator..can you move it please!

Thanks!

Duane
lindac
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Certain doctors seem to be born without any empathy.....and others have lots.
As for the un-empathic ones, they would be better off in a branch where they don't have to see the patient awake. One I know, notably lacking in people skills went back to school and became an anesthetist...outside of a brief consultation often done by his nurse assistant, he sees people asleep....or very soon to be that way!
I'm sorry about your mother....
Linda C
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marys1000
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Duane - sorry to hear really. Its quite a shock isn't it - the difference between the Drs' on tv and the ones in real life.
Terrapots
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
...the difference between the Drs' on tv and the ones in real life. " M1000, You obviously don't watch House.

Duane, so sorry for your mom's outcome. Medical care can really suck. Too bad most patients and family members are left out of the loop of their own care with little control over outcomes.
lpinkmountain
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I dunno, the whole medical establishment is kinda rough, IMHO. There are a few caring people there and they make all the difference in the world, but it is a rough place to work I think. My dad's heart doc had the personality of a computer, just the facts, deadly serious all the time, not particularly personable. But he cut my dad open, messed about with his heart, and saved his life, so I managed to overlook the other! It was so hard being in the hospital, especially with the small posse we had. With all the folks out there struggling with these issues, I wish I could "be there" in person for them and just sit with them and give them hugs and a cup of coffee. That's the hardest thing for me about working such long hours that I do, there is no time to spare for others. I think that's what gets to the medical folks. I am so sorry that you had to go through what you did with your mom! I know how much you miss her and what she meant to you!
Big hug from me to you.
((Duane))
Lpink
BeverlyAL
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Duane, please accept my condolences for the loss of your Mother. I hope your Dad is doing well.

Beverly
sally2_gw
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Duane, how frustrating, and infuriating, to have such insensitive doctors. I wonder if the fact that they have to build a wall around their feeling for their own sakes, so they don't go mad with all the tragedy they deal with, ends up making it impossible for them to be sensitive to their patients. I don't know, but It's awful the way they treated your mother and yourself. Was this recent? I'm so sorry for your loss, no matter when it was.

Sally
happygram
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
My condolences to you and to your family.

I lurk daily and don't usually feel that I have anything cooking wise to contribute, but your story about your dear mother brought back many buried memories about my own mother and the insensitive treatment she received from so many people in a "helping" profession. I tried to make excuses (overwork, stress, home problems, etc. etc.) for some of the more insensitive and impatient issues, but in a metter of life, death, trauma, they don't really apply, do they?

You certainly were there for your mother and father, and I hope you'll find some comfort in that.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
loagiehoagie
Original Author
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Thanks very much everyone for the kind words. This all happened in Jan.'06. Feels like yesterday, but it will be three years already. My dad is doing pretty good. He and my youngest sister sold their homes and bought another house and moved in together. I feel good about that. I don't have to feel guilty if I can't get over every single day. He has my sister, her hubby and my niece and nephew around.

I know my mom is in heaven laughing at the situations and 'fights' they get into.

Duane

Stupid, insensitive doctors!

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loagiehoagie
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lindac

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Stupid, insensitive doctors!

Comments (9)

loagiehoagieOriginal Author

lindac

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marys1000

Terrapots

lpinkmountain

BeverlyAL

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loagiehoagieOriginal Author

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loagiehoagie
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loagiehoagie
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