Oh, Kathy, BTDT! been there done that. Ugh! In 1989 my DH's Dad sold his 10 acre land and homeplace (MIL died in '83), and he moved into an assisted living place. Became "involved" with a certain 50 something year old nurses aide who gave him special back rubs. They eloped and got married without telling his 4 kids first. Didn't sit well. Two weeks after they had gotten married, she wrecked his car taking him to the doctor, didn't hurt her, but he had a serious head injury. He lived on life support for about 3 months after that. She ended up with a free (practically) brick home that he had hastily bought when they married 2 weeks prior to the accident. Luckily, his checking account was still in his and my SIL's name. That saved the money that was left after buying that brick house, because the 4 siblings took her to court, took a year, and a chunk of the money, but she got the free house but no money. She had to mortgage her house to pay her legal bills because we were dead set on not letting her have a dollar. Then, my SIL pissed everyone off in the family before it was over, over the way she got more than everyone else and didn't want to explain it. Took about 15 years before we even spoke much again. Now we're gardening buddies, but I wouldn't want to involve any money with her lol ... Anyways, Kathy, I understand. It's a pain. Just a complete pain. Hang in there, and try to take the high road. When you look back later, you will be glad you did. I know that y'all are, and the brother you described is not. He won't be easy to deal with throughout the whole affair of settling the estate either. You might need an Excedrin, or something stronger lol, before it's over. Hugs ~Tenderlee

Sally2 said:"That's so very sad. My heart goes out to his family - they must be suffering terribly. I am sorry for your loss. As a sort of side note, a former pastor of mine spent some time as chaplin at the county hospital's trauma unit here in Dallas. He told us there was a poster up on the wall that said something to the effect of, "Give your son a motorcycle for his last birthday." Shawn was riding his mother's motorcycle. AS far as we know he had gone after some food for his mother and great grandmother since great-grand mother was not feeling good. Last evening we went by the place where the accident happened and we could see the skid marks and the impact marks on the concrete light pole. We also saw the food items that had been lost in the crash that had not been cleaned up, they were scattered along the road in the gutter. It is a tragedy for the family in that Shawn was the youngest son and had not yet married any one.

corgilvr, We have 16 windows of varying sizes and in varying stages of health. (Most open and close just fine, some don't open, pulleys need replacing due to breakage or fraying, all are slopped with paint/stain, etc. etc.) The estimate to restore all 16 windows according to this description: "Labor cost for the restoration of the existing sash. All brick mold, sash and casement trim will be stripped, sanded, primed w/ oil-based primer and coated w/ two applications of oil-based paint to match existing." was $5525. Additionally, we requested a quote to have him build new wood storms. Click here for pictures of his sample storm. We currently have aluminum storms which make me crazy. The quote for 10 custom storms was just over $2500. I can't remember why we didn't get quotes for the rest of the windows. We had been considering postponing the window project anyway because we're planning to build an addition on the back of the house in some years (five-ish) and at that time will completely remodel the exterior of the house according to some of the guidelines in the book Bungalow Colors - Exteriors. It would be nice to roll the window cost into the remodel/addition loan but it would also be nice to have new storms now. Anyway, with the death of my FIL in late spring, the matter of the windows fell out of our heads completely and we're just now getting to a point where we can think about such things again. In fact, the quote above was emailed to me the day after FIL died so I haven't even looked closely at it until today. (I did reply the contractor to thank him for his time--he spent a couple of hours here with us one day--and explain that we had a sudden death in the family and would have to put the window project off indefinitely.) I am not surprised by the expense. The restorer seemed extremely reluctant to do the windows himself; I'm sure he intentionally charges an arm and a leg because it's such a pain. He strongly encouraged us to hire him to come in for a weekend and teach us how to do one or two of the windows, and then do the rest ourselves. My initial thought is that I should take care of the windows myself (me and my trusty copy of "Working Windows" along with the info provided by the restorer), and hire out the storms. On the other hand, we are trying to start a family and I don't know about working with paint, strippers, etc. while potentially pregnant. Sigh. So many complications. I'm interested in knowing what you think but I've now completely hijacked this thread so maybe I should start a new one. But to answer your post - Tell your husband what our restorer told us - it would be cheaper to replace the old windows with medium-quality new windows than to hire out the restoration project. You're doing well! :)

alisande -- Thank you for the link to the eulogy. It's beautiful. Yes, the absent parent... Every child's biggest fear is abandonment, and that's how a child can experience a parent's death. It's usually an unacknowledged feeling. I think the new children's grief groups (sometimes an outshoot of hospice) are a wonderful! I think that these events and feelings -- looking at them, examining them -- can make us more tender and better human beings. I was impressed with the *goodness* in Rosenblatt's story. There's such sweetness in the children's ongoing lives and the efforts made by the adults. The adults took up the burden of grief and loss without letting it completely ruin their lives or those of the children. They'll be as OK as possible, which is all we can expect. The tragedy can't be undone, but we can cope well -- or not.