*%#@* Refrigerator, Again - Perspective Please
rococogurl
9 years ago
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RealHousewifeofNJ
9 years agorococogurl
9 years agoRelated Discussions
I Need Some Perspective! Arguments related to kids.
Comments (20)" The way you phrased the question "Do you feel guilty about preventing me from having children" is really a cloaked attack. You aren't really asking him if he feels guilty, you're telling him he should feel guilty" That's true. It wasn't my intention actually - I was reading something on the internet where a woman didn't want kids and said she felt guilty about depriving her husband of what he wanted. I asked immediately after reading that without thinking about how the question would come across. Believe me I don't normally communicate in a passive aggressive manner (at least not intentionally), but if he had asked me the same question I would have been irritated too. And you are right, I DO feel that he SHOULD feel guilty! LOL. When he responded the way he did I became furious because I was surprised at his response. But I can see why he reacted like that looking back on it - he didn't know what I had just been reading so had no background. He was very upset that he upset me. I'm also upset that I upset him. It was funny, I was talking to one of my closest friends about it today, and I said that I thought the only reason I wanted kids was hormones. She paused and then told me that she thought I was telling myself that to try and shake off the feeling and that from what she's seen that's not the case. I think I have a lot of work to do, to try and unravel my feelings on this. We both come from divorced families and when I asked my Mother what she thought about having kids, her response was "I think it destroys perfectly good relationships". To be fair I don't think she really meant that, but I certainly feel like I don't have a lot of support with it. None of our parents ever ask if we are planning kids. I don't think they mind much one way or another. I also worry as we have no family close by, so we would have to do everything ourselves. I did tell him (in a calm conversation) that I was very afraid of becoming accidentally pregnant and that I would be terribly afraid to tell him if it happened. I asked him if he would want me to abort. His response to that was reassuring, he did say that if it happens of course we will do all the necessary things to make sure that things went as well as possible and that he couldn't possibly abort our child. That has to be a good sign? He knows for sure that I would never have a deliberate accident ( I would NEVER do that), and I know that if it did happen he wouldn't be marching me to the abortion clinic. I am on the pill and have been for years and years, so a mistake is unlikely, but you never know. I don't think we will ever start deliberately 'trying' though, and I have to either live with that, bully him into having a kid, or leave. I'll probably live with that knowing the doubts I have myself on the subject. One more comment; I realize that it would have been sensible to talk about kids before marriage. I get that. However many women simply change their minds about kids as they get older. Then you have even more of a problem than we have as now someone has gone back on what they said. So discussing things 5 to 10 years earlier doesn't actually always solve everything. Cecily; that's interesting. I agree there do seem to be lots of reasons not to have kids and only a few reasons to have them! The thing is that I have no doubt that my dh would be a fantastci father. I really think he would. He has a strong personality, no doubt about it, but he does care a lot about me and he is a nice man all around. When he gets home he loves to play with the dog (who is 5lbs). Again I know it's not the same, but the instincts are there, I can see them. He's just worried that he would be a bad father. His Dad wasn't the best role model - not terrible, but he can be a jackass, and he was mean to DH's Mom when he left. Then he had another son with wife number 2 before he divorced her too. That son is less than half DH's age and my DH has seen his Dad crippled by child support for the past 17 years. His main concerns seem to be that he wouldn't be a good dad, and the cost. See where this comes from?? I know he would be a good Dad and he thinks I would be a great Mother. He's just afraid. Now that he's opened the door a crack I will back off for a few months and revisit this later to see if it has opened more, or slammed shut again. I'm 30 so I do still have some time....See MoreYour perspectives please
Comments (22)My opinion 1. Dad remarried so he wouldnt' have the responsibility of taking care of his kids. Bad on his side just alone for that. OR he thought it would be better for them to have a mother figure and dad in the pic. BUT bad point again because he didn't let his children mourne the loss of their mother. Hence the rejection of the woman or any woman who would have been in the pic. Even if she wasn't TOW , this person would have been in a bind. And would still have problems with the older child. Being in the teen years and knowing how to express their feelings. 2. The other woman : is an idiot to not see this. There was no plans for a wedding before the biomom died so its quite obvious. SHe should have said we will wait on the marriage until you settle in with your children and they mourne the loss of their mother. From that perspective alone she should have also held back 3. THey are both to blame for rushing in. 4. THe teen although has a right to his or her feelings but there is a thing called respect. He or she is under the fathers house and lives there. He or she doesn't have to act disrespectful. He or she has to realize that is was the fathers decision to marry and that regardless of how he or she feels towards the SM, she is the adult, taking care of them and is human. I do understand where he feels she deserves no respect considering she was the other woman. If i was him or her...i would consider living at an aunts house or grandparents. Knowing full well who she is i would not live under this roof. BUt i would be civil towards her for the sake of my younger siblings. 5. The SM now has to realize all the kids are mourning and she will have to have the patience to deal with them all. She put herself in this situation and shouldn't whine about now. 6. THey need family counciling. My father moved in a woman after 3 months after my mothers death as well. He thought it was a mothers job and he needed to get one for us. WE turned around after 6 months and told him no one will replace our mother, find a woman who you will love and care for you. And who we can be friends with. After that family talk he moved the woman out with her kids and started to date other woman until he found the right one for him.Not for us....See MorePuts things into perspective
Comments (4)I was nodding my head in agreement with everything the author said. It's true that, well, EVERYTHING discussed on this board is a "1st World Problem". And it's good to keep things in perspective. But this is a kitchen forum. People come here to discuss kitchens. The same people who may be working at meaningful jobs, teaching and caring for children or elderly parents, volunteering in their community and schools, etc. I get a little defensive about how those of us with an interest in home maintenance, design and decor are sometimes characterized as being ungrateful, self-absorbed or unaware of other more important things. For most of us the desire to create a functional and attractive kitchen/home is a big part of how we express ourselves creatively and where we choose to spend our time when we catch a break from the really important things we are committed to....See MoreChoosing Appliances for my Kitchen Remodel
Comments (36)I'm in my new kitchen for a year now. Have the Bosch Benchmark Double Side-Swing Ovens and am very happy with them! Work like a charm and look terrific. Have a 36 inch Benchmark gas cooktop which is also terrific, The center burner is incredibly powerful and the simmer works well. My 36 inch integrated Sub Zero with double freezer drawers has worked well and Sub Zero really stands by their products. Needed water filter replaced (should replace it every year as my model has interior water dispenser) and they threw in a freebie. Love my Liebherr Beverage cooler RU500 although I think there's a newer model--it's very quiet and keeps drinks at the perfect temp leaving more room in my Sub-Zero fridge (integrated models are shallower) Bosch Benchmark Dishwasher also running complaint-free. My only complaint is my XtremeAir Range Hood-----it's THE WORST! I wanted a stronger model (and with baffles rather than mesh) than Bosch offered. Was also looking for a modern aesthetic and though I was a bit nervous about going with a newer brand, I decided to give them a go, plus they said they were made in America (not all together true, I came to find out) Within the first week, the touchpad malfunctioned and couldonly use the remote. I contacted them and I was shocked to be informed that they have no service or tech support to come to my residence for repair. They sent another touch-pad for my husband and I to try to install. I was off-put by this but went ahead and took time out of our day-off to remove the old one and install the new one. Well, that worked for all of a month. Then the overhead lights started blinking on and off----like seizure-inducing on and off! I called, I emailed begging for them to send a tech (still under one year warranty) and all they did was send another part with an "instructional install" video so shaky and poorly produced, that it was useless. They couldn't even take the time to have someone hold the iphone and film while the tech was showing the procedure--it was like a selfie instructional with nothing on camera but a dizzying, shaky shot of the ceiling and walls. I mean, at this point, don't you think they could've called a local repair company and footed the bill (as states on their warranty) instead of dealing with a very frustrated and disappointed customer! I repeat..DO NOT BUY XTREME AIR!!...See Morexedos
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