I've been reading this but hadn't posting because I don't really have any advice to offer (having our own unresolved behavioral issues). We found out last year that SS's teacher (in complete disregard of published school rules) was rewarding the class with candy if they'd behaved decently. We were not happy. I have no idea why the kids weren't just expected to behave in school (this was second grade at that time) or why the teacher felt bribery was in order for what should just be a normal requirement, but that's what she did. We briefly talked about asking her to not give SS candy, but that didn't seem fair because he's always been well-behaved in school, so not only would he have been singled out but he'd miss out as well. The problem, of course, is that the teacher instilled the belief that sweets are a reward for doing something that they should have already been doing anyway. To compound the problem, DH was rewarding SS with dessert (pudding or applesauce) but only if he ate his dinner - normal enough, but over my protestations because I could see the writing on the wall on this one. DH kept saying that it was fine because SS was so thin (he still is) - I kept saying very bad idea because he especially needs healthy food and not empty calories. And that's where we are - now SS expects sweets at both lunchtime and dinner, and feels cheated if he doesn't get them. He's not yet been sneaking them (he did once, two years ago) but I wouldn't be surprised if it comes to that - because he's now becoming accustomed to getting at least one sweet on a daily basis. If/when that time comes, I'm putting my foot down and completely banning all sweets from this house until we're all sugar-detoxed! It's appalling to me. When SS hardly ever normally was given sweets, he'd hardly ever choose to eat them - we'd always end up throwing out candy from Halloween and Easter. But after his school, of all places, acted like it was normal to eat candy every day, SS has not surprisingly been asking for a lot more sugar products. And we wonder why kids are obese and diabetic at age six now....

Hi all, I'm new. I just want to say that many of the issues you mention really aren't YOUR issues. Things like her fraudulant lawsuits for example. I have an ex who's always frauding someone...but it's not my problem. The system will catch up and when it does, they'll have to pay somehow. You need to focus on dealing with the children when they're in your care, and disregard what they do in her care, unless they're in danger. You seem to have stopped the spanking but maybe you should make their Dad handle all the discipline. You could even try a "wait until your father gets home" stance when they are in your care and your husband is away. Once you stop engaging with them, they will stop engaging with you. You've only been married two years, so you have a long road ahead. Your nit-picky issues are just that, little nit-picky issues. I'd blow them off and laugh it off as a jealous bio-mom...those do exists sometimes. You know YOU and those around you know YOU...don't waste your time focusing on what she says or does. Keep documenting everything and always anticipate the worst, but hope for the best. If the relationship with the girls is broken, I'd really try mending it. If you're interested in some ways, let me know, maybe we can get creative. If you plan to stay married, you really need to get along with his kids, they don't go away after they turn 18, only the CS.

bry911--your insurance company and mortgage companies would beg to differ. And you'll be begging them in court if anything goes wrong. Mortgages and insurance in condo/co-op type buildings are specified to certain wall surfaces. There are people who work for those companies whose job it is to write and check those things. I have a friend who did that. I have done the entire primer on insurance policies before and I simply don't want to rehash it now. For some reason I did an entire thread over HO3, HO5 and HO6 policies. What is covered and what can be denied. Can you present some reasonable grounds for an HO6 policy to deny a claim based on a two inch notch in the drywall? Please provide some evidence of that happening, because this is something I have looked at several times and I can't find any instance of an insurance company prevailing when denying because of a non-conforming work that was an indirect factor in the damage. Most states (probably every state) will have insurance regulations that specifically prevent this. Let's also not forget that most (really all) HO6 policies specifically protect you from being sued for your own negligence? So the entire assertion is beyond ridiculous. For them to deny your damage they would have to demonstrate that the notch caused the damage. In the end, they are not going to do anything different because you notched your drywall. If they are looking for an excuse to deny your claim they are going to find one and hold to it until someone makes them pay. Finally, if you are actually worried about the wall assembly squirt a little great stuff fireblock in it and be done with it. ----- ETA: Just to be clear (and we are speaking generally because each case is a bit nuanced), insurance has some small leeway to decline to reimburse you for your negligence. However, there are many caveats with this. First, negligence is more than doing something wrong, it is doing something that is unreasonably wrong. I feel confident that I would prevail when the insurance company claimed that making a 4" x 1" notch in drywall to get a range in is not reasonable. I feel confident that I can find thousands of exhibits to prove this is done a lot, and that is all you would really need to do to defeat a negligence claim. Next, in reality that negligence must border on intentional. The classic example given is a water pipe leak that the homeowner lets happen for a week before calling someone to stop it. The biggest reason that homeowner claims get denied is not negligence it is indifference. Written into your policy there is a demand that you act to mitigate your insurance company's liability. You must take reasonable action to stop damage from worsening. Furthermore, the severe negligence must be the proximate cause of your damages rather than an indirect factor. If that were the case insurance would never pay out they would just find something that you did wrong that made the situation worse. For example, you probably have chemicals stored improperly in your home, and in case of a fire those improperly stored chemicals might act as accelerants, and so insurance could walk into practically every home and deny the claim based on that fact. So to prevent this most states (I would presume every state) has rules against using secondary items to deny claims. Finally, insurance would still reimburse your mortgage company if they denied claims on personal property for reimbursement so throwing the mortgage company in was just silly. I could just keep on going, but the point being there are lots of scary stories about insurance but the reality is that insurance is a highly regulated industry and once you have some real insight into the industry you would be surprised how many of those big bad wolf stories are misconceptions.

MBAK, Well, maybe not so much help....sometimes my mind goes somewhere bizarre, then common sense gets in my way..."you can't do that!" says my husband....makes him crazy, but sometimes I am right! ;-) Like the straight stairs...might not be enough room. Or the bedroom 2 doorway that is bumped to the right. Maybe it needs the space. Personally, I feel you are doing really well, and at the end of the day, if you like the powder room where you put it, then do it....as long as architect or GC has no problem with it. We are just here to offer things you may not have thought of. Take what you like and discard the rest. Plus, something we say may lead you to think of something close. Just bouncing ideas off. The powder room in the center...I didn't like the bump in. It just looked weird and looked like it was a place to catch anything blowing by like leaves or trash. Cpartist's plan of the buffet in the dining room or switching it to a deep living room closet gave me the idea for a split closet/buffet since it looks to be 3 ft 4 in deep (???), but her plan is a great plan. Do you have a place to store the vacuum cleaner or are you having a central vac system? I miss my central vac, and now is the time to add one if you want one. They were not that expensive when I bought on in on my last new build 10 years ago. A Dyson pet vacuum was half the cost at the time, but the Dyson doesn't last that long. Main part goes in your garage, piping in your walls, and wall connections are almost invisible on the walls. Just lug that extra long hose around with your vac head (with or without the power brush). I believe they now have a carry thing for the hose. Beats carrying a vacuum up the stairs, but you could also have two vacuums. The central vac company will look at your plans to decide where to put each wall connection. You can also have a vacuum pan underneath your toe kick in the kitchen or any room with a cabinet toe kick. I loved it! I could sweep junk to the pan, kick the lever with my toe, and junk would get sucked up, and I could sweep a little more to make sure it got everything, then kick it off. I fell in love with that little plastic device!! My next house will have a central vac. The only downside I know of is if someone vacuums up something like a sock (kids, because how much fun would that be when cleaning their room!) or dryer sheets or other things that shouldn't be vacuumed which COULD eventually clog the pipes at corners or angles. I used it for ten years, and the only problem was with the power head, and I think I had to buy a new one. Cpartist, your sketch looks so nice. What do you use to create it? All I can figure out to use is to take a MS snipping picture, then edit it with picture draw, and hand draw with my mouse. MBAK, I thought there was a basement, the way the original stair plan was drawn. I think you can get an understair closet on the lowest level and the highest level of the stairs, but I may not be "seeing" it in my mind correctly. It happens quite often! You could also have the upper stairs in one location and the lower stairs in another location. Not sure if that wastes space or not. I have seen coat closets that have space for coats, then also has a set of stairs going down. The basement would be closed off by the closet door. So, a 2nd door in the coat closet that leads to stairs going down??? I might be reaching for this one. LOL When I was searching for pictures I found stairs in a mudroom. Maybe your basement stairs could go down in the mudroom and your upstairs could be somewhere else. On your plan B, how tall and wide do the windows need to be per zoning? Can you put low, 2 ft deep cabinets under and also above or beside the windows? Picture below...can you put your powder room where the door is in the picture? The stairs go up 2, then turn right, up, then turn right again (over the powder room). No, that would put your powder room door in your living room...never mind. I left this in case it helps you come up with a different idea. Bob Vila website has pictures: https://www.bobvila.com/slideshow/17-clever-uses-for-the-space-under-the-stairs-46247#:~:text=%2017%20Clever%20Uses%20for%20the%20Space%20Under,enough%20to%20have%20a%20laundry%20room%2C...%20More%20 The shelves and door could be the closet or a powder room. Either living room stairs going up or basement stairs. The 2 ft bump out at the window gives you a landing to carry dressers and beds upstairs and make the turn. A coat closet under the stairs instead of the baskets. Maybe stairs in the kitchen with storage underneath on other side. Stairs going up to bedrooms. Stair idea either for basement or upstairs. I just realized that moving the stairs to the right means the window bump out on the landing will be 7-8 ft off the ground. (unless the foundation has to be bumped out too.) If you have the living room stairs going up only, you have storage under stairs in the living room AND in the dining room. You could have mudroom basement stairs, but it depends what else you are putting in the mudroom. Basement stairs could have a door or be left open. I am liking the dining room by the living room. Guests would probably be in the family room so you can talk with them while you are cooking. Then they can use the wide door to go into the living room and you could use the hallway and other dining room door to bring in anything last minute. If the window bump out plan will let you put a cabinet under the windows that could be a place for a serve yourself buffet...electric food warmers, etc. You could have a built in China cabinet 10- 12" deep or use that space for a larger living room closet. You should have under the stair space in the dining room if basement stairs are elsewhere. Very important questions or we are flying blind with ideas... 1. How many more years will your children live with you? This should drive your decision to the number of upstairs bathrooms. Will you need that many in ten years, or will a Jack & Jill bathroom do? 2. Are you allowed to have a storage building for lawn equipment? If not, your garage needs to be longer to store the mower with a car in the garage. If you have lots of rain and snow, you will miss parking the car in the garage. 3. What is going in the mudroom? Cabinets? What is in the mudroom will help you decide where the inside garage door will be. 4. The bathrooms (total #) will be more expensive than your kitchen. Are you sure you need two back-to-back upstairs? 5. On the bump outs...does it have to include the foundation bumping out or just windows? Peke