Wow. You guys sure cover alot of ground in a short time. Two days ago I had a couple of doctor appts, then I dropped my phone in the toilet and had to spend a day getting a new one and learning to use it, and by the time I got back to GW, y'all had moved on and on. So I sat down to write some stuff anyway - ok, alot of stuff - but I forgot I had accessed from my email, and when I tried to post the whole thing disappeared in a puff of "error, error." Don't have time to write the whole thing again, opportunity will present in the future I'm sure, so just wanted to address a couple of small matters. Al, yes, I'm very interested in porous mixes, because I'm interested in helping people grow plants successfully, whether just a few to beautify their homes, or to get into it as a major hobby. Thanks to you, I now have another subject to research. (Having come late to the internet, like 6 months, I find myself almost overwhelmed by the possibilities of inquiry, research, and questioning - damn you, internet genie)(Just kidding. I love it) Anyway, I want to set straight a misconception that you mentioned upthread (love that word). Maintenance, as in "professional plant maintenance" doesn't mean maintaining a plant at a particular size through contorted horticultural practices. It means maintaining the plant's appearance/beauty as long as possible. When the plant grows too big, if it can't be pruned or trimmed, it is replaced with one of the specified size. The removed plant is used in another account - the usual action - or it is given to the customer or the plant tech, or it is offered for sale to the public at reduced cost. BTW, look for interior landscape companies under 'plants' in local directories to see if they have any good bargains available.

SG, Thank you so much for your insight--I believe you are a true "dog whisperer"! Let me clarify a few things and ask specific training & environmental questions: First I'll say, due to you and Annz' kind help, I believe I have corrected one of my problems. When I designed our new home I made space under the wall cabinets in the laundry rm for the dogs' kennels--next to each other. I thgt I was so smart doing this, but for my dogs' personalities, this may be one big problem. So hours ago, I moved Tiger's kennel to a different room (pantry next to L. rm) and he went right in! So now they will have their own space--away from each other. ~~I am also not going to allow either to sit under my desk while I am working--maybe that made Pepper (the Wheaton) think Tiger was getting special treatment (?). #2: The dogs do know I am TOP DOG for I, also, use their food & bowls to show my dominance--pretend to eat a kernel from their bowls before putting bowl down--pick up while they are eating & touch them/their food while they are eating. Never a problem--never a growl or resistance. Also, when we pass thru a door outside I am to go first, after I have them sit-stay & wait for me. I have them sit/lay/stay on command from time to time during the day to reinforce this too. ~~A trainer I consulted after the first attack told me that they both knew I was top dog but I did things to allow Pepper to think she was my equal--that we were BOTH top dogs. So I've been doing these things for a long time---more strictly for about a yr--but now you'll see NOT STRICTLY ENOUGH. ***Let me be specific in my info and question: When I open a door to let them out, Pepper does bolt out the door ahead of me about 1/3 of the time. I use my correction sound (Ehhhhh) and she immediately returns to my side to sit/stay until I give her the "OK" to move. (Sometimes just hearing the correction sound from me, she stops & returns to my side.) Specifically, WHEN I say sit/stay--she ALWAYS obeys. If I give NO command, she will start thru the door. ~~~Writing this out, I see I'm slacking and creating top dog DOUBT in her mind. So she isn't totally convinced that I am top dog? Or am I teaching her that I AM top dog but if she "assumes a top dog behavior" there is no real consequence besides "re-doing the situation" and moving on? SO, I need to go back to square one and take better control--using a lead to control, give commands EVERY TIME AND be persistent. But is it as "simple" as that? I can & will do these things correctly now but what else am I doing or what else can I do. Surely my "allowing" her to even consider disobeying my top-dog status isn't the only reason she's "comfortable" risking punishment in order to attack Tiger? I believe Tiger knows Pepper is Alpha dog and is comfortable with it. It has to be ME & my behavior that affects Peppers attacks. Hope I've been somewhat clear about what I do & don't do in order for you all to help give me instruction & advice. tks again in advance, CB

I've been reading this but hadn't posting because I don't really have any advice to offer (having our own unresolved behavioral issues). We found out last year that SS's teacher (in complete disregard of published school rules) was rewarding the class with candy if they'd behaved decently. We were not happy. I have no idea why the kids weren't just expected to behave in school (this was second grade at that time) or why the teacher felt bribery was in order for what should just be a normal requirement, but that's what she did. We briefly talked about asking her to not give SS candy, but that didn't seem fair because he's always been well-behaved in school, so not only would he have been singled out but he'd miss out as well. The problem, of course, is that the teacher instilled the belief that sweets are a reward for doing something that they should have already been doing anyway. To compound the problem, DH was rewarding SS with dessert (pudding or applesauce) but only if he ate his dinner - normal enough, but over my protestations because I could see the writing on the wall on this one. DH kept saying that it was fine because SS was so thin (he still is) - I kept saying very bad idea because he especially needs healthy food and not empty calories. And that's where we are - now SS expects sweets at both lunchtime and dinner, and feels cheated if he doesn't get them. He's not yet been sneaking them (he did once, two years ago) but I wouldn't be surprised if it comes to that - because he's now becoming accustomed to getting at least one sweet on a daily basis. If/when that time comes, I'm putting my foot down and completely banning all sweets from this house until we're all sugar-detoxed! It's appalling to me. When SS hardly ever normally was given sweets, he'd hardly ever choose to eat them - we'd always end up throwing out candy from Halloween and Easter. But after his school, of all places, acted like it was normal to eat candy every day, SS has not surprisingly been asking for a lot more sugar products. And we wonder why kids are obese and diabetic at age six now....

Hi all, I'm new. I just want to say that many of the issues you mention really aren't YOUR issues. Things like her fraudulant lawsuits for example. I have an ex who's always frauding someone...but it's not my problem. The system will catch up and when it does, they'll have to pay somehow. You need to focus on dealing with the children when they're in your care, and disregard what they do in her care, unless they're in danger. You seem to have stopped the spanking but maybe you should make their Dad handle all the discipline. You could even try a "wait until your father gets home" stance when they are in your care and your husband is away. Once you stop engaging with them, they will stop engaging with you. You've only been married two years, so you have a long road ahead. Your nit-picky issues are just that, little nit-picky issues. I'd blow them off and laugh it off as a jealous bio-mom...those do exists sometimes. You know YOU and those around you know YOU...don't waste your time focusing on what she says or does. Keep documenting everything and always anticipate the worst, but hope for the best. If the relationship with the girls is broken, I'd really try mending it. If you're interested in some ways, let me know, maybe we can get creative. If you plan to stay married, you really need to get along with his kids, they don't go away after they turn 18, only the CS.