I have to start by saying that I have never joined a forum in my life. I saw this and felt pulled to do so for about two days prior to giving in. I just want to support you in your grieving because your story is my story. My sister overdosed on 6/13/13. She had mental illness(bipolar and addiction), was 28 weeks pregnant at the time, and "they" were taking her off her meds the past month due to the pregnancy. I became a counselor 16 years ago in a sole effort to help her. It worked for many years and then she is gone. Just like that. I am not working as of 07/03/13. I can't think of anything else, so like you the burden of guilt and sorrow is consuming. (yes, I have been to alanon for years) Grief changes everything for me and I can't even begin to describe what it is like for my parents. I guess I wanted to tell you that someone really "knows." I found some help in the book entitled "Surviving The Death of an Adult Sibling" by TJ Wray. She also has a website and forum. The book addresses the sibling connection and how in some cases it falls under "disenfranchised grief." I feel that becoming a counselor in order to understand and better help my baby sister takes it to a new level. I feel like such a fraud and a failure...in so many ways. I hope you are OK and that you are getting support from those that know you best. I can't say how this is supposed to get better or different but hang in there.

The only advice I can think of is for you to find a good Alanon group or the narcotics equivalent, if such a thing exists. Alanon helps those who love addicts or those who are dysfunctional in other ways, and helps them deal with the terrible frustration, anger, and sorrow that comes from watching someone they care about destroy themselves, and being powerless to help. The other thing I want to say is that I'm certain on some level your mom is aware that her child rather miraculously grew into a good person living a good life. Even if she can't bring herself to say it, I'm sure she's filled with pride for you. You come across as a very caring and wise person, and I send you my sympathy. You're in a difficult situation. I hope it resolves in a positive manner, but if not please assure yourself that you've done your best. Susan

I wonder if it would be possible to return to Jen_C's original question, you guys? Seems to me that's what these forums are for.....as for anything else, well...you guys can start your OWN forum and duke it out amongst yourselves over THERE. ___________________________________________ As to the original question(s), seems to me you're asking the following: 1) Is it normal for a baby to have their days and nights mixed up, as far as sleeping? The short answer is yes, lol. If you think back to when your baby was still inside you...try to remember what time of day or night the baby was most active. For my DS, he was most active inside me from about 11 pm to about 4 am.....so when he was born, he was most active during those hours. Seems like it took me forever to get him onto a somewhat "normal" schedule. 2) Is it ok to let your newborn baby cry herself to sleep? For me, personally....when DS was newborn, my DH and I rocked him to sleep, or cuddled with him on our bed until he did. We didn't let him cry himself to sleep when he was newborn. 3) How long do you allow the baby to cry before you pick him/her up for a cuddle? Again, for me personally.....in the beginning, when DS was newborn, I picked him up immediately. As time has passed, however, I'm letting the amount of time he cries to be a little longer. He's 6 months old now, and I let him cry maybe 10 mins before I go back in to reassure him. I don't necessarily pick him up, though. Standing over or near the crib reassures DS just fine, most of the time. Sometimes, though....even after giving him 10 mins to get to sleep on his own, and then reassuring him from above or near the crib...he still needs a cuddle. So, I cuddle! Just for a few mins, then it's back in the bed. Sometimes this gets repeated about 3-4 times before he actually goes to sleep. He's falling asleep a lot more on his own now. For me, gradually increasing the time I allow him to cry has worked, and it's teaching him to be a little more self-reliant, while he still knows that we're there. 4) How long in between feedings? My DS woke up about every 2 hours anyway, so I NEVER had to worry about him going too long without food. Of course, at night...this meant I didn't get much sleep, either! :) 5) and finally, WHEN CAN YOU CATCH UP ON SLEEP? LOLOL...this is the question for the ages. I don't think I'll EVER catch up. Now, mind you, there are babies that sleep much longer (envious sigh). A friend of mine had twin boys, who slept 7-8 hours STRAIGHT, right from birth!! She had to wake them to feed, but holy cow, they were NEVER in any danger of starving, lol. They're 8 months old now and they weigh upwards of 27 lbs each. (when they were born, one weighed just under 8 lbs, and one was just over 8 lbs. At 38 weeks, no less! Can you imagine if she'd gone the full 40 weeks??)

What better use for scraps then spark the immagination of a future quilter. Never too young to begin a new quilt. She is a sweet little thing and knows just what to do with that sewing machine. TFS Jayne