Ohhhh, I can relate! I had the same type of problem three weeks ago, lilliepad, it was my right arm. My cancer inhibitor drug says it can affect joints and the oncologist had told me if it ever got really bad, to quit taking for a week and then start up again. When it hit, I wasn't sure if it was something I'd done to strain the arm, or if it was the meds. I bound my arm still for three days, which helped tremendously, and I also quit taking my pill for five days. All pain went away. Now that I'm back on my meds, I'm getting twinges in that arm from time-to-time. I see the oncologist again in April, and we will discuss this. (at $175 an office visit, I don't go any more often than I have to!) I hope a simple meds change will take care of your son's problem. It really was excruciating.

DH and BM had mediation today. SD has asked him three time is she was going... she wasn't even supposed to know about it. DH said it went fairly well. The mediator started to give him crap over the pants... (my jaw hit the floor when I heard that!) but I guess BM wrote that DH intentionally threw away the pants BECAUSE she bought them. He told them they were too small and didn't fit her, we buy her most of her clothes and he thought it was petty to fight over a pair of pants... then said we had to throw away her pants from last weekend because they came back ripped. BM jumped up and asked him if he was accusing her and he told her no, but it IS in your nature to do something like that and it might be retaliatory because she angry about the other pants. He basically said SD goes through clothes and we buy new ones every few months as she grows, seasons change, etc. Other than that, BM lied her ass off. She said SD was injured when we took her on a serve at 10pm. We never took her to do a serve at 10pm. I went to serve a subpoena on a guy that was expecting it... it was scheduled so no chance for conflict and we were coming home around 8pm when our window broke out on the side of the car. SD was sitting behind the driver seat and the passenger window shattered. We think it was a rock.. maybe kids using a slingshot because we were passing a ball field when it happened. It had nothing to do with being on a serve, we could have been on our way to dinner. She said SD was cut up from the broken glass. It scared her (it scared ALL of us) but no glass got on her or cut her. We stopped at a firehouse to call 911 and waited for the Sheriff to make a report for our insurance. While we were waiting, DH took pictures of SD in front of the fire house for her school project on CA. She was wearing her coat (yet BM said it cut up her arms) and smiling (yet BM said she was hurt & terrified). That was the only other thing DH had to really explain but BM tried to explain why her other DD does not live with her, why she has waited 2 years if this was 'temporary' and then BM told the mediator that SD absolutely wants to live with her. That got the mediator's attention and she asked BM "How do YOU know THAT?" Well, it was in the paperwork handed out before mediation that the child should NEVER be asked where they want to live because no child should EVER have to choose between their parents. I guess BM didn't read it or didn't think it applied to HER! BM also lied when DH said he believes she only filed for custody because BM doesn't want to pay support. He said it is a coincidence that she was served shortly before she filed... BM said she filed two weeks before she got served by DCSS. lol, the mediator can easily check that out in the court case because DCSS served her on 4/13 and BM filed for custody on 4/16. I really hope her lies bring her down! I guess the mediator wanted to see SD so when they left mediation, they went into the clerks office & I went in with DH so they could schedule it. The mediator looked a little annoyed and BM was right there next to her. Then the mediator said when SD comes in, there is no parental involvement at all so it does not matter who brings her in. DH asked if I can bring her in so he didn't have to miss work and BM volunteered to pick her up from school & bring her in. The mediator again said it didn't matter who brings her. So, they set it up for 4pm after school and I said (and it just came out without thinking) that she can pick her up from the house at 3:30. BM practically snarled at me "WHY?" and I said so she can do her homework since she gets out of school at 2:20 and BM nearly bit my head off.. snapping at me that SHE can help HER daughter with homework. I said fine. The mediator said "there will be none of that in here!" So, in hindsight I should have said nothing. Of course, it shows the mediator that BM really has a huge problem with me. I guess at one point, DH said I am available to talk to her too if she needs to and BM jumped in and said "there's no need for that" or something like that.. basically saying the mediator does not need to talk to me at all. The mediator jumped on BM saying she'll talk to whoever she wants in order to make a recommendation but I am guessing BM did not impress the mediator. BM stormed off down the street and when we were getting on the freeway, BM got behind us and then drove around us really fast and sped off. She was pissed. She does not like to be called on her lies and she also told the mediator she had an email where DH agreed she was to have SD on her birthday from 9-6, not 8-8. Well, she is supposed to bring that back when they see the mediator the week after SD sees her. It doesn't exist. They did not email each other about her birthday, it was discussed when we picked up SD. Besides, even if it WAS 6pm... she left SD at 4pm to go back to her BF and left SD with grandma! DUH! She is also supposed to bring letters she says SD has written about how terrible I am to her and how she doesn't like me. When BM told the mediator how SD and I don't get along, DH presented a stack of letters & cards SD has made me over the last two years. She gave me one yesterday that said "Happy early Mother's Day". I can only imagine she is going to make SD write letters to 'prove' what she says is true. If she does, I can't believe she thinks the mediator is going to buy that! She is something else!!!

Hi Dotz. I don't know how to answer you. Relationships are complicated enough when I'm one of the two in the relationship (parent/child, spouse/spouse, child/parent, etc.) but being on the "outside" as a SM with biodad/child on one side, and Sdad/child on another side... I just can't hope to ever understand those relationships completely, let alone what may have happened between your dh's kid and him to make their relationship less than ideal. People take out their anger on those they think will still love them despite the issues. Hopefully your skid will realize that dad means more than money and they can have a relationship beyond that later. I think, in my situation, where bio-mom keeps sd from us (by not contacting, etc), we will probably have a tough row to hoe coming up here soon as she becomes a teenager with angst. But, if her parents didn't have issues, the issues with her would be lessened. It's due to the parents setting up expectations that makes the kids resentful. My SD expects to be driven around in posh cars and going to outrageously expensive schools and if her dad doesn't contribute to the lifestyle BM has set up she is resentful. We prefer to place value on good manners, wholesome activities, enjoying being a kid instead of designer outfits for 9 year olds...Oh well... we simply don't have the same values. Having to straddle both value systems is difficult for children. And, outsiders, without all the little cobwebs floating around of past conversations/hurts/angers, can see any situation a lot clearer than the participants. As Sm's, we will never fully understand the nuances. Sooooo... my response Dotz, is just be as supportive of your DH as you can while he goes through this stage with his son. In my experience, my Ex and I have issues my DH could never understand, and my DH loves me, so automatically my Ex is the bad guy... and he hates his Ex, but I do my damnedest not to internalize that. I channel Switzerland. I attempt neutrality. I try to look at all sides, and I try to do it with love. It's far too complicated to figure out their issues. So I'm a cheerleader. Go (broken and taped back together) family of mine!!! win win win!

It says the parents will have joint legal custody and share in the responsibility and confer in good faith on matters concerning health, education, & welfare of the child. The parents must confer in making decisions on the following matters: Enrollment in or leaving a particular private or public school or daycare center. Out of Country or Out of State travel. In all other matters in exercising joint legal custody, the parents may act alone, as long as the action does not conflict with any orders concerning the physical custody of the children. There is also a 'special decision making' section that reads: The father will be responsible for making decisions regarding the following: 1. Participation in school & extra curricular activities during the school year. 2. Non major or routine medical care. (Of course, the activities cannot be on BM's time, and apparently she has a problem with medical care on her time too) That's all it says regarding decision making, so he really can't tell her anything. He has primary physical custody & BM has three weekends a month, so it isn't any different than a non custodial father taking his child to get their hair chopped off... my oldest son's father did that several times to piss me off. When me would send my son back with a knit beanie, I knew what he'd done. He even had little lines shaved into the side, just above my son's ears. The result ended up that my son was teased because the kids in my son's school thought it was weird. It was a trend in the town where my son's father lived but had not been picked up here by the kids and he was made fun of for being different. In my SD's case, (or maybe moreso when it comes to girls just because they usually care more about their looks than boys do, in my experience anyways) it should be on the person that has primary responsibility for the care of the child since it would be easy for a NCP to take a kid to get a high maintenance hairstyle and then they expect the CP to keep it maintained? It's really not fair to expect the CP to now have to buy special hair products or spend extra time to maintain a style that the NCP wanted and only sees a couple of times a month. With older kids, it would be on the kid to maintain it themselves, but it was a challenge to teach my SD how to pull her hair into ponytail... that's why DH took her to get it layered. She didn't want to wear a ponytail but it was the only way to keep it from looking like she didn't comb it. I don't have time to flat iron it in the morning and she said she loved it layered. Maybe she is just going along with both parents and who knows what the hell she wants? All I know is that now it's going to take extra work to send her off looking presentable and I have to listen to DH complain about it.