Even the "garden variety" lythrum causes problems. Scientists have found that the so-called "sterile" hybrids will cross with the wild lythrum. Similar colored/shaped alternatives to consider: Lobelia hybrids, such as "Monet Moment" and Liatris spicata.

You could deadhead now (instead of pruning). Or you could simply do nothing. I leave the spent blooms on the shrubs and, sometime around February or so, the spent blooms fall down on their own. To deadhead, do not touch the stems... cut off the small strands that connect the bloom to the stem and you will be fine. New blooms originate from the ends of the stems in most cases so I suggest that, if you also need to do pruning for some reason, do it before the end of June to play it safe. Here is some information on pruning and deadheading: http://www.hydrangeashydrangeas.com/pruning.html Note: look for the section titled "removing old blooms" if interested in deadheading.

Honey11, You don't know my Dad. ;) The architect plans were about 900sf. Dad changed them up a bit and it was at 1500sf...then 1800sf..then 2800sf. Then the lot across the dam from us went on the market. They spent a month trying to decide, then our builder told him how much the 2800sf would run and he said he might as well build his own house (meaning, if it was built on my lot he would be paying a lot of money to build a house on my property). Can't very well put a 2800sf house (would be about the smallest thing in our community) on almost 9 acres for resale purposes. So they started from scratch. They are both in great shape. Their parents lived long, healthy lives. What kills me is it's only about 25 minutes from their in town house which is a larger. lol Mom would move out here full time but Dad isn't ready. They usually spend three or four nights out here about every ten days. Mom just spent two months while Dad was out of the country. Chisue is right; in some instances it would be better for the person to go to a retirement home. My maternal grandmother wasn't crazy about the idea until she moved into a wonderful place. Loved being around people (most of the time). She had a one room "apartment," so she had privacy. Meals, church services, and planned activities were nice.

The past couple of years of both of their lives was exhausting for us (their caregivers). I'm 49 and have 3 teenagers and own a shop. Days were none stop from the moment I woke until the moment I fell into bed. I wouldn't change it for the world. I had one sister who thought they needed taking care of. Would it have been easier? Yes for us. Would it have been better? Not if its something they weren't ready for, which they weren't. The past 4 months, cleaning out their home of 87 years of life has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do and the most rewarding. I'm still not completely finished. The house is empty and waiting to be sold. I go in about once a week to make sure all is ok and I leave knowing that I was able to help two wonderful people be happy and content right up to the end. I hope If I'm lucky enough to live to be 87 that I'll be right were I want to be when I die. It might be assisted living or a smaller home or right where I am right now. I hope my children will not make me choose which things are important to me by their standards. I understand what you're saying and I'm glad you were able to help your parents live out their lives. I think, however, that the balance is different if there's only one of you doing the caretaking (along with job/career and family obligations) and/or if the "destination" is not death but long-term care. Right now my 70-something mother is caring for my wheelchair-bound brother. He has a degenerative disease that, for better or worse, does not really affect his lifespan. I am responsible for his care after my mother passes on. It is not possible for me to provide my brother with the full-time care he needs and keep any kind of decent-paying job -- nevermind the career I have now. He really will need to move to a nursing home -- a shame, because he will be a generation younger than almost anyone else there and because, at some hours of the day, he does pretty well for himself. Nursing home spots -- especially at good facilities (or, very especially, at one that can better serve people his age) -- don't open up automagically when you need them. So my mother and I have agreed that, if we find a good spot for my brother before it actually is needed on a daily basis, it would make sense to move him there and let him acclimate to this new stage in his life. My brother likely will not be ready for that whenever it happens. At this point, my brother rarely understands the limitations imposed by this disease. We're doing what we can to prepare him. But the time ultimately will not be of his choosing. When my mother passes on, my brother may have to deal not only with that loss, but with a complete change in his living accommodations. Moving him to a care facility - especially before it's absolutely necessary -- is not easy, either. But, for him, we think it will be the better way to go.