Suzieque, don't forget the financial arrangements. Most banks are not happy with POAs, unless you use their own forms. Make sure that you are on all her bank accounts. Remember that a POA expires with the death of the person. Does she have her will in order? Are her assets in a trust? Now's the time to make sure. In Mother's last two years, she started obsessing about various things. Drove me crazy. She would balance her bank statement several times a day. She thought that if the SS auto-deposit was made on the first of the month, and also later on the 31st (for the next month), "they" were going to take it away from her. She became less and less able to understand things like that. I finally had the bank change the address to my home, plus her social security address, because she'd also stress about any piece of mail that she would get. I had trouble lying to her, but I learned how. I had a long talk with a neighbor of hers who was a retired nun and school teacher/principal about lying. Talk about taking me back to my childhood! But Sister Noreen was a wonderful help to me. See if you can find someone like that to unload on. Someone discrete who won't blab, but will let you talk. And let it all out. I had to jiggle her savings. She had two CDs that paid a good rate, about 6% (those were the days!), and she had about $30 per month too much income to qualify for a rent reduction. So I took out enough from one CD and opened another at a lower rate, reduced her income and saved her more than $300 in rent for the $30 lowering of her income. There is NO way she'd ever have been able to follow that maneuver, and she'd have fainted to have learned that she was losing income, but it was the right thing to do. But I had to lie to her, naturally. I was completely stressed at that time. I learned to set boundaries with Mother. She might call and say that she needed something from the store (her meals were provided), and I learned to NOT drop everything to go shop for her. I learned to not be available every single day, even if I actually was free. Of course, I was available for an emergency, but I learned to put her off a little. At least it gave me a sense on control in my own life, if you know what I mean. Figure out something to do just for yourself on a regular basis. Take a long walk, an exercise class, a massage, go to a movie, whatever you can do just for yourself. Turn off the cell phone for an hour or two. I'll think of more hints that you might be able to use, but I do recommend finding someone to talk to. And keep posting here, of course.

When my sister and I were dealing with our father long distance, she found a terrific book that we both bought and used: "How to Care for Aging Parents," by Virginia Morris. We were so lucky that he could afford caregivers at home and that we had wonderful contacts in the town where he lived (where we grew up). Here's another tip: call your local office of Council on Aging and ask to speak to a staff member. Those professionals are an incredible resource for all sorts of issues, including Medicare, Medicare Part D (the Medicare drug plan), plus lots of other problems you may have in dealing with elderly parents or other loved ones, whether around the corner or across the country.

I hope the OP did something because this situation sends up HUGE red flags everywhere. My folks are getting older and we have had some conversations about how they want things handled when they are too old to make decisions for themselves. I am grateful that they are willing to discuss this beforehand. I have read everything I can in order to acquaint myself with giving them suggestions about the best/worst ways they could go about this. Here is a good book I found at the library: "The Retirement nightmare-How to save yourself from your heirs and protectors". I am posting just one example of how you can have your life turned upside down if you don't make arrangements for a trustworthy family member (or friend) to be able to care for you before something happens. "In the first chapter of THE RETIREMENT NIGHTMARE, I give an example of this egregious fact drawn from the pages of The Los Angeles Times (November 1997). Glen Hawkins, 89, had bicycled two miles from his Orange County home in Leisure World, California, to confer with his investment counselor. Once there, he was told that the $380,000 in his account was no longer his to control. A professional conservator had been assigned to manage his financial and personal affairs. As Mr. Hawkins soon learned, he already owed almost $1,200 in conservator and attorney fees. How could this be? A social worker at Glen Hawkins' retirement community had filed a petition for an emergency conservatorship over Mr. Hawkins, claiming that he was too ill to attend the required hearing and too addled to understand the legal proceeding. Glen Hawkins had harmed no one, and he clearly was not a danger to himself. He had planned to live out the rest of his golden years in his Leisure World condominium. Unfortunately, his wish to be left alone had led him into dangerous new territory--territory that is made unsafe by the legal reality that each state in America feels free to intrude into the lives of its elderly in ways that would be unthinkable if the objects of its intrusion were young." Read the section titled "Freedom lost" as well. A link that might be useful: www.retirementnightmare.com/q06.htm

I totally agree with the above posters. Don't like their politics...they sold us seniors out for the Health care Bill. I didn't renew because it served no purpose to us. We also have AAA and get better benefits using it. I don't share their politcal viewpoint and that was probably the main thing that caused me not to sign up again. Just don't care to support some of their lobbying efforts. I cut up my cards and sent them back..and when I get junk I send that back in envelopes that have return postage. I haven't miss their membership.....You don't need them.