Education is only part of the experience of high school. I have great high school memories because I had a great group of friends. My sister had a very unhappy high school experience because she didn't fit in. Same school, 1 year apart. This may already have been voiced above, but a few additional things to consider, which I have seen happen to other people, are the lifestyle issues and the donation issues. Specifically, will your child feel left out if they cannot afford to do the things their classmates do? I can remember being the only one of my friends in (public) high school who didn't get to go to Europe senior year (in my case it was my mother worrying rather than money, either way, I was left out). I've seen the activities and things friends' kids want. Will your child feel left out if they can't go skiing in the Alps over Christmas break? Will there be an issue if he has a beater car rather than a BMW? Another issue which I was a little surprised by was the "donation" issue. A good friend of mine has her only child in a $30k per year high school. They can easily afford it. However, the school also expects a sizable donation every year, and it keeps going up (he is in his third year). Think thousands - extra. They also do expensive things to raise money for the school, like auctions. Regarding treating kids "the same". It is very difficult. My parents didn't pay (or even help pay) for my law school because my mother didn't think they should do something for me that they were not going to do for my sister. But they weren't going to do the same for her because she wasn't going to go - she dropped out of college. I didn't argue with them about it at the time. In fact, it wasn't until after I graduated that my father even knew they didn't help. He assumed they had. My mother handled the money. So now all the money they saved my father is spending on his chi-chi girlfriend (my mother passed away). I have to admit, it irks me now. But it wouldn't have bothered me if my parents had used the money together. My in laws took the "equal" thing to a ridiculous extreme. DH was the "perfect" child. He was the oldest, and was a great student, athlete, and was very handsome (voted "best body" in high school, which we have a good giggle over). His parents wouldn't even give him praise unless they could give the same praise to his 2 younger (and less stellar) siblings. One story he mentions is when he came home with all As in all AP classes. His mother said something like, "well, Sally and Billy tried very hard to". My MIL was an early example of the dangers of praising trying as much as succeeding. His siblings learned they would get as much credit for failing as DH would get for succeeding. No one lived up to their potential as a result. I guess my point is this, you can't treat kids equally, and you can't be perfectly fair. Every kid is different.

This discussion was about PAYING to send children to private school, because the public schools weren't good. It's just not true that you have to spend a fortune to live in an area that has good public schools. If your area doesn't support public schools, then you either need to fork out the bucks for private school, home school, work to change your public schools, settle for substandard public schools, or you need to move. My public schools are excellent, mostly because parents care about their kids' education. It is not because the parents are rich. There are scores of families in our school district who work in the local car factory, the local hospital, local small businesses, or in other local factories. If you really think that only private schools provide a good education, then you are living in the wrong school district. These people are not wealthy, they were just smart enough to consider their children when they chose a place to live.

It seems to me that there must have been a good reason for bm to not have visitation rights per court order. That is what was decided, correct? If that is the case I think I would contact child protective services and let them know what is going on. If you let her see the kids aren't you in violation of a court order? I think that you and dh have put yourself between a rock and hard place for no reason. I would let the legal system dictate how I would handle this situation. Unless you do that you are always going to make decisions based on emotion instead of what the law says. Let the law be responsible for your choice and let the kids know that. That would take you out of the middle. Bm should be calling your husband and giving him a number that she can be reached by regardless of whether she is allowed by law to see the kids. She's going to screw you around as long as you let her. Make some phone calls and find out what a case worker would say. If this woman is on drugs then those kids should not be anywhere near her out side of your supervision. You don't know who might show up while they would be with her alone. Dealers and users carry guns, have needles laying around and so on. Not to mention the way their perseption of reality is altered and their percept of what right and wrong is. As a kid I was around a girlfriend's mom's drunk boyfriend and it wasn't long before he tried to put his hands on me. I think if she continues to contact you without supplying a number then I would call the police.

US car companies have struggled to produce successful diesel engines, It's funny because their subsidiaries abroad (like Ford and GM's Opel in Germany) have been selling diesel engined passenger cars since forever. I've had at least one, sometimes two, German made diesel-engined cars continuously since the late 70s. They're fast (turbochargers), fun to drive, get great mileage and last forever. US versions are bound to be better now than before, but I'm not sure what their problems have been. I'd avoid bio-diesel. Vegetable sourced diesel fuel contains one or more substances that can cause parts like hoses and seals/gaskets to break down. I know in the two cars I have now, it's a no-no. There is a blend called B10 (which is 90 % conventional, 10 % veggie) that's supposed to be better tolerated but I, frankly, can't think up an advantage to using it. Good luck with your new toys.