I had to have two surgeries while caring for my MIL for 5 yrs.
I was worried and scared, family said they would help, but I knew that it would be hard, so I looked around, There are many agencies that can help. Yes it cost money, but it was the best thing I did. It got me through the surgeries and as time went on I needed some time just for my self, if I was going to continue the care giving for the length of time it was to be, so I hired help for 4 or 8 hrs a week and it was the best thing I did for my self.
The old saying--Take care of the caregiver is so right on
Connie
Look into getting some help.

Thanks, Connie. I looked into some services that run errands, do grocery shopping, and assist with chores at home. The fees avg. $20/hr., + mileage for chores involving driving, with a 3 or 4 hr. minimum. I'd do it in a heartbeat, but after I spent several hours researching & making calls, dh informed me that he prefers to do the chores himself. While his intentions are excellent, follow through leaves something to be desired. He wants me to write more lists for him, which I realize now is necessary since he doesn't remember half of what needs to be done otherwise.

The next task will be to figure out the logistics of managing things when dh is at work. My original approach (ignore the pain and act as if nothing's broken) resulted in additional damage, so clearly that must change. This has been an eye opener, and once things are back to normal in a couple of months, we need to look hard at how we will manage when dh & I are the ones in need of long term care.

$20/hr is reasonable - out here labor is expensive, so one of our friends does personal asst. work and easily gets $35/hr with a 4-hr minimum.

A good idea to start your planning now. So many people don't realize that they will need help to stay in their homes as they age, and that help must be paid for by their own funds. Home health services is the fastest growing segment of healthcare expense in the US.

In my case, I did as you did a lot of times--bit the bullet and continued to help her, even when I was in pain and needed to take time off to help myself.

Luckily, I have 3 siblings--and I made it very clear from the start that when I needed help, I expected them to be there when needed to help out. I always took off summers to teach summer school (one sister was a teacher, so she took care of mom then) and a month in winter, when DH was on vacation (they all would rotate weeks to help out then).

It does mostly, though, fall on the shoulders of the one person the others see as being 'available'.

Toward the end, the last few years, it became too much for me to do it all, so we did hire home health aids to come in a couple of days a week to help out.

A few suggestions.

Does your mother have any specific health issues? If so, home health aids may be partially or totally paid for by her insurance. Check with her dr. and/or the local visiting nurse association to see if you can get something like that going.

Does your mom live in a senior apt. building? If so--the management usually has a lot of helpful suggestions. There is probably even a shopping service available for the residents (you may be able to find one, even if she's in a private home--but that will mean a little more legwork on your part). How about checking with your church or local Good Neighbors Club? They usually have people who volunteer to help out seniors in those situations.

I know you said your husband would do the work, but you could always get around that by telling him how much YOU need him at this time, and of course, he doesn't want you to be worried and stressed when you need to be concentrating on recouperation. You just have to approach this the right way, and you can get him to let the professionals help out a bit.

You might also check any local agencies that offer help--depending upon your mom's condition--The alzheimer's Association, the Heart Association, etc often have free helpers who can come out a few hours a week.

And most importantly--take care of yourself and feel better!