This is a good start, but beware, just because the nursing home has a good rating on this site does not mean it's as good as it is rated. I recently chose a NH based on this and with some prior experience with them, but was sadly disappointed with the level of care on the second visit. It troubles me greatly that when we are left to put our loved ones in the care of others that there is so much that still falls through the cracks. My experience with the NH's I have had to to use ( all well rated) is that I still ended up having to be there on almost a daily basis to make sure things were taken care of in the manner they indicated they would be. Whatever happened to doing things right and caring about your job, especially when the care of helpless are involved? I am glad this site exists, but this country still has a long way to go to take care of our elders with the respect and dignity they deserve. LBF

Here's one site where you can search by City, County, or State: http://www.freep.com/article/20081218/BUSINESS06/81217076/1232/data Here is a link that might be useful: Check Nursing Homes

Not a frequent poster but I've certainly enjoyed following your home posts Bodica. You are in an intense phase of grief. "Did I inconvenience.." that is blaming the victim; don't do it. Remember that even though it was not installed, your mother knew that you were advocating for her right up to the end. Institutions can cause so much pain. I don't have experience with nursing homes yet, but the pain the hospital caused me and my daughter at her birth and in the following days took years for me to recover from. I wish I had spoken to a counselor or therapist bc it was very hard on my husband and I. What eventually healed me was the natural process of how dendrons/memories change in the brain (softens the memory; it's been documented), and also looking at how happy/free from hurt my daughter is now. Your mother is free from the pain now, I hope that is a comfort to you. Unfortunately many of us have gone through these nightmare experiences of intense pain; loss of loved ones, injustice. Some say call a lawyer, in certain cases I might, but also I just try to be more loving to the ones I've got left. That is what heals me and honors those who are gone. Best of luck, and fwiw, I'm sure this thread will help countless others. I'd never given a washlet a second thought before, but now it's high on my list for older loved ones and someday me.

My Grandmother had a massive stroke 11 years ago. She was far, far too well off to qualify for medicare. So the house was sold, the assets were liquified and my Aunt has had to use Grammys money to pay for the nursing home...for the last 11 years. The first place she was in was nice, a private home converted to a small place, she had a private room. It was very expensive, but no one really expected her to survive too long. About 3 years ago she was moved to another place, shared room in another facility that is not nearly as nice. I hate that she's there, but no one is equipped to keep her at their home (she needs 24 hour medical attention). The place is your sterotypical nursing home, and she's just gone downhill so much, yet she still lives. She told my cousin last year that she just wanted to die, but she's got those damned genes...longevity is in her system. Sorry to be such a bummer, but this is a situation that really bugs me. I hope your coworker can find some respite care...is there an Alzheimers support group? They might have some options or suggestions. My next door neighbor's mother has alzheimers, and she's finally gotten to the point where she's basically bed ridden now, so he can finally get out of the house on occasion. But it's really, really tough on the caretakers in the meantime.