I have never been to this forum before, I usually hang out in the garden areas but I needed to get some relief this morning. This post has helped me just to break down and let all that 'strength' and pain go. I do not wish to take away from the purpose of this thread but I would like to share my story with someone. It has been about a month or a little more since we lost Fred; Fred was a beagle that we adopted from a couple who left him in a crate almost 24/7; he was about 2 years old when he was sent to us.... that was 15 years ago. In that time , I have lost my two shepherd mix girls at 15 and 14 years old.... I have taken in three more pups as they passed my way in need... but Fred was special. Independent, never needing attention and so appreciative when he got it. About 6 months ago , he went blind and my husband thought it was best to help him cross over, I disagreed. I told him that if that were the case, I would know but Fred seemed to be adjusting well and he did...... most times, you could not tell he was blind to watch him. Physically , he was still pretty active, his teeth were getting pretty bad but the vet said none were in need of removal YET.... Long story short, I made the decision that the time had truly come about a month ago because it seemed that everything that moved began to startle him and he seemed to be in constant fear and that was not the purpose of adopting him; it was to give him love, freedom and a carefree life......he had that. That morning, I told him how much I loved him and we spent an hour or more just cuddling...I explained that I was ready to let him go and I knew he was ready ..... I had contacted my vet and we were to be there at 3 pm; at 1 pm, I went to get him and spend just a few more special moments and I found him in his bed; he had taken the journey on his own after receiving my permission to give up..... he now sleeps under a newly planted magnolia (in his honor) with a beautiful marble head stone that has his picture on it....and I spend some very nice quiet times there just as we did together for so many years..... Thank you all for letting me share this here and please know that your thread has helped me get through yet another day without Fred...

For all my old pets I give subcutaneous fluids at least once a week. Most of my older dogs and cats have had some degree of kidney insufficiency in their later years and hydration alleviates the nausea associated with it and perks up their appetites. I believe this has extended most of their lives, but more importantly it keeps them comfortable. Probably of all the things I've done to help my senior pets, this has made the most improvement to their lives. My older cats enjoy(ed) their heating pad covered with a towel. In or near their 20s, they have all lost weight and it was/is harder for them to generate enough of their own body heat to stay warm. I have a 4 foot wide gradually sloping ramp that I built so that my old dogs do not have to climb stairs to get in and out of the back door into the yard. I covered it in that fake grass indoor/outdoor carpetting so that it is not slippery. It is tough stuff and I can scrape snow and ice off it without harming it. For my collie in the last months of his life (He had an inoperable tumor in his abdomen that I believe caused him to be incontinent) I wrapped his beds with plastic tarps and covered that with washable and comfy fleece blankets. (His beds were 2" thick blocks of dense upholstery foam that I had made for him when his arthritis made it too hard for him to get up on the couch.) When he slept urine would just run out of him, so I could just change his blanket and sponge off the waterproof tarp-covered bed with soap and water. I had about half a dozen blankets that I would just throw in the washer everyday. It was a system that was easy for me and comfortable sleeping for him. Likewise my last two cats in their 20s were "leaky" when they slept. I lined all of their beds with plastic waterproof tablecloths, cut to fit. Then I covered that with soft cloths made from old towels and old clothes that were disposable. I affixed the disposable bedding to their beds with masking tape that I could tear off the next day. I had boxes of discarded fabric items cut into cat-bed-sized linens. When the supply began to run low I bought a box of hospital pads and used those. When my dogs were very old their appetites waned. I home cook for all my pets, and I cooked only those foods that they liked the best in their last days, because it was most important for them to eat to keep up their strength and to get adequate nutrition. Poultry was a favorite, and I cooked many a 25 lb turkey back then. Toward the end it was too hard for my guys to stand to eat a meal, so I hand fed them so they could eat lying down. For my dogs, glucosamine/chondroitin and fish oil capsules have helped their arthritis noticably. Eventually old age gets the upper hand, but these remedies stave off the crippling effects of arthritis for some time. I hope some of these suggestions will help you with your older pets. I find it very rewarding to care for my pets in their later years. There are so many ways to make their lives more comfortable, and to provide them with contentment. They appreciate the extra care and enjoy this phase in their lives, even though their world and activities have shrunk from what they once were. And now that I, too, am old I can empathize even more with the difficulties they have, and instinctively take steps to alleviate them.

I tend to tell my children that it is never okay to fight unless you cant walk away.... I especially stress this because these days (in our school system at least) it doesnt matter who started the fight and it doesnt matter why it happened. If you get caught fighting, you are suspended if not worse. There is a zero toleration policy in school. Although I realize we are talking about on the way to school here, I just dont want to get them confused as to when and where you would be allowed to do it. For me, if you can walk away then you need to. But, here is thought for you.... When I was younger (cant really remember how young elem/middle school age) there was this boy. He was bigger than most of the other kids and just plain mean. He pushed, he hit, he said mean things. No one wanted to go near this kid because he was such a bully. My mom was picking us up from school and saw the boy and said (outloud actually) "enough is enough" She told all of us kids (there are four of us) to follow her. She walked right up to the kid and asked him if it was fun for him to have no one to play with because he was so mean to people. I think he mumbled something to her along the lines of no or something. So she told him we are going to play a game and all of these kids are going to play with you... but there will be no name calling hitting etc... So very very begrudingly all of us kids started playing hide and seek I think it was. After a while we were all having fun and the bully wasnt being a bully any more. When we got home my mom told us that sometimes some kids just dont know how to play nice with other people until you show them how. And we should never assume a bully is being mean just because he can. She told us sometimes just being nice to someone can change them for the better so we should always try to be nice and make friends... maybe they are just desperately looking for someone to like them. After that day we never had a problem with the bully and I have to say it was one of the greatest lessens she ever taught me. It was amazing to me at the time to watch this mean hateful kid turn into someone who was laughing and playing with us with no problems.... and someone who would say hi and be nice from that day forward. ..... Ofcourse she also taught us how to defend ourselves if the time came for that as well.

You know, I was a shy, picked on kid. And during college, I made a very concerted effort to come out of my shell. I became skilled at choosing friends who were as sensitive as I was, and at negotiating social interactions with more prickly types, to prevent getting offended. And I learned how to "be" in group situations, without so much self-consciousness. As an adult, with kids whose temperaments and sensitivities are very similar to my own, I see now a clear path toward, not protecting them exactly, but giving them tools to "deal" with all kinds of kids, and how not to be bullied. I have been, if I do say so, very successful in this. I have used some of the strategies mentioned here: get to know the bullies a bit, have a playdate, have them become very good at SOMETHING, to build confidence. And have a few effective things to say to the "bully". I do agree that the word bully is overused. Insensitive is a better word, or actually, unskilled-at-helping-behaviors is even better. What I have observed at school recess is a kid getting made fun of by an insensitive kid (or a nice kid having an insensitive moment), but the kids who stand by and laugh, are not skilled at a more grown up behavior, which is stepping in to ease the discomfort of the laughed-at kid. Many adults can't do this. Some teachers can't do this. It should be modeled and role-played, and taught. And the bullied kid needs to defuse the discomfort somehow. To that end, I see Snidelys point of view, in that, (sadly) there IS something the bullied can learn to do, and it does NOT have to be losing the weight or changing their orientation or identity, but it sure would be helpful to learn some fresh coping strategies. I knew an obese girl in high school who bullied me horribly. It's not always the "differences" that are the problem, tho sometimes it obviously is. And, let the insults fly, I guess, but I find Snidely entertaining, and I don't have to agree with him to respect his point of view, as it helps me tap into what I think. Piling on anyone for their point of view, even if it is despised, isn't giving the helping behaviors that indicate maturity. And I point it out to kiddos all the time in my duties as playground mom.