ladyinredfromokla-homey, Are there girls living nearby that may be not in that school with whom she might develop a friendship? Does she have some hobbies or other interests which can challenge her brain and provide other outlets for her energy which are separate from the school issues? Sometimes physical activity, such as the Tae Kwun Do mentioned earlier, can help work off surplus negative energy. When Dad got mad, he'd often go split some wood to fit the kitchen stove ... and when Mom got out the dust mop for some energetic dusting ... it was a often good time to make one's self scarce for a while! Does she have an above-average academic record? Though many in our society, especially boys, pooh-pooh such achievements, especially around that age level, the young generation are in global competition and many young people from other countries have better scores in academic tests than our kids do. Those of ours who do well will be thankful, in future years. Often having other strings on our violin is helpful. Would it help to let your daughter come and read the messages that have been posted here? Does she have a close, warm relationship with her siblings (apart from occasional outbursts) and Dad? You didn't mention anything about her relationship with her Dad. Often, especially for a daughter, having a feeling of being respected by, close to and good buddies with Dad does great things for their self-esteem and confidence that they can handle the issues that develop in other areas of their lives. With aunts, uncles and cousins, as well. A feeling of solidarity with extended family often helps young ones feel that they have a solider foundation to their lives than if they feel that they are sort of alone. Assurance that they enjoy understanding, respect and affection from cousins or other friends can assure them that the nasty words that they hear from the down-putters are only a minor part of their whole life. Good wishes to the both of you and to all in your family. ole joyful

In my experience, elderly females rarely enjoy the company of other cats unless they've been raised in a multicat household. If you really want to bring in another feline for yourself, however, I would recommend either a young female kitten, or an older, very mellow, neutered male with a history of living peacefully with cranky females. I would NOT recommend a male kitten, as they tend to be obnoxiously active and demanding of play. If you want a male kitten, then adopt two so that they can wear each other out and hopefully leave the older female alone. If you adopt an adult, your husband's old girl may be more accepting of a mellow, neutered male than she would be of another adult female. Of course, these aren't hard and set rules. Individual personalities always override any generalizations about age and gender matches. Laurie

You know, I was a shy, picked on kid. And during college, I made a very concerted effort to come out of my shell. I became skilled at choosing friends who were as sensitive as I was, and at negotiating social interactions with more prickly types, to prevent getting offended. And I learned how to "be" in group situations, without so much self-consciousness. As an adult, with kids whose temperaments and sensitivities are very similar to my own, I see now a clear path toward, not protecting them exactly, but giving them tools to "deal" with all kinds of kids, and how not to be bullied. I have been, if I do say so, very successful in this. I have used some of the strategies mentioned here: get to know the bullies a bit, have a playdate, have them become very good at SOMETHING, to build confidence. And have a few effective things to say to the "bully". I do agree that the word bully is overused. Insensitive is a better word, or actually, unskilled-at-helping-behaviors is even better. What I have observed at school recess is a kid getting made fun of by an insensitive kid (or a nice kid having an insensitive moment), but the kids who stand by and laugh, are not skilled at a more grown up behavior, which is stepping in to ease the discomfort of the laughed-at kid. Many adults can't do this. Some teachers can't do this. It should be modeled and role-played, and taught. And the bullied kid needs to defuse the discomfort somehow. To that end, I see Snidelys point of view, in that, (sadly) there IS something the bullied can learn to do, and it does NOT have to be losing the weight or changing their orientation or identity, but it sure would be helpful to learn some fresh coping strategies. I knew an obese girl in high school who bullied me horribly. It's not always the "differences" that are the problem, tho sometimes it obviously is. And, let the insults fly, I guess, but I find Snidely entertaining, and I don't have to agree with him to respect his point of view, as it helps me tap into what I think. Piling on anyone for their point of view, even if it is despised, isn't giving the helping behaviors that indicate maturity. And I point it out to kiddos all the time in my duties as playground mom.

It's great that he has bonded so quickly with your older dog and that is probably helping him settle in much faster. When using the water bottle, the key is to spray it before the cat is actually chasing the dog......it's all in the timing and sometimes you have to wait until the last minute. If you end up running after the cat with the water bottle, it has then become a game. Another option is to distract the cat(s) with a toy and then give the bully cat a treat if he starts playing. It's sad the 16 yr old cat is getting bullied. If you haven't already, try using at least 2 of the Feliway (Ceva) plug-ins. It made such a difference in my two cats adjusting to each other and helped keep my diva female in check. Also, try rearranging the cat towers (hope you have one), adding new interesting toys and perches for the bully cat and play with him more to use up his energy. Sounds like some of his antics may be due to boredom. I know it's not easy with a bully cat. I fostered a 2 yr old that just wouldn't leave my 2 older cats alone. He would totally ignore any distraction from me when his goal was to charge my docile cats and one could tell he had claimed my home as his castle ;). Fortunately, he was adoped a month later.