Rude and mean neighbors

16 years ago

How do you handle rude or mean neighbors? They roll their eyes when you speak and are disrespectful. I have no idea why they are this way, I've only been nice to them. They act very childish. We are adults between the ages of 35-25. I can't stand trying to talk to them anymore, but I have to see them. What would you do?

Featured Answer

greg_h

15 years ago

I wasn't offended by the way vacuumfreak quoted his/her neighbour. But by making it obvious that english wasn't the person's native language, in my mind it sort of caused vacuumfreak's point to backfire.
The way I see it is that if the person's native language isn't english then odds are pretty good that they grew up in a different culture. Maybe in their culture, asking a question like that is not a big deal and isn't considered rude at all. So cut them some slack.

Personally, I don't even understand why our (North American) culture considers it rude. A ball park figure for big ticket items can be found out in any number of ways. Why is it so wrong to ask someone who definitely knows the answer? He could have just as easily gone home and looked up the value on AutoTrader.
Would you have been offended if he pointed to a random car that was driving by and asked you how much you thought it was worth? Probably not. So why do you care if it is a car that you own?

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Comments (36)

nightcrawler1961
16 years ago
Just ignore them, and don't talk to them anymore.
remember, they are neighbors, not your friends. They just happen to live in the same place as you do.
I always seem to find that neighbors always want to be all up in someone elses buisness. I hate that crap. I am a nice neighbor in case of emergency, but anything else, yuck !!
ie: New neighbors just moved across the hall from me, we introduced, said hello, all that.....2 days later, knock knock....6pm, can I borrow a cork screw..... Ok...
knock knock..11pm (not acceptiable) do you have a microwave, (yes) can you pop my popcorn.....so like an idiot I did it and made a face..... I had just got out of the shower and was still a little wet, when the inside door knocks at 11, I would think it be an emergency...isn't that around bedtime??? well for me it is... Ok, that was my gripe of the day..... so sorry !!! :)
lucy
16 years ago
You are absolutely not obligated by incidental proximity to talk to anyone at all - it's not as if you have to work with them every day, or anything like it. Just ignore them completely unless there's a real mutual issue, and if you can't deal with it or them, let the super or your landlord handle it.
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organic_farmer_bob
16 years ago
Why do I have this suspicion that these eye-rolling conversations have been about these neighbors and there "bad habits". Noise complaints maybe? Leaving their garbage outside the door? Maybe not...just doesn't seem like a friendly "Hi" as you walk past would cause an eye-roll, or that you'd even see them do it...

Call me childish but I lived in an all Chinese neighborhood (and I do mean ALL) and got called Gweilo a fair bit. When people are rude your best bet? Learn to laugh, LOUDLY. Nothing pisses off people like that more then not getting upset!! Besides, someday they will knock on your door, locked out of there apartment, needing to use your phone....Just laugh and say "Gweilo" (or roll your eyes) and know they will enjoy the next 8hrs in the hallway... :)
nycity2_verizon_net
15 years ago
I have these neighbors two houses away. We basically moved in to our houses around the same time and we got along(6 years ago). He does all the work on his house car etc. Never hires anyone. One day I said to his wife, he should take a break and hire someone. Well after that, COLD,MEAN,VERBAL and PROPERTY DAMAGE. Have made reports to the police about the damage to our cars. Which was paint on one and paint stripper on the other. We have security cameras around our house now. Wish I had them then. You see with the damage the Detective said there is no proof (because there were no cameras than). Another time paint in a plastic bag in front of our house to make sure we stepped on it when we came home that night (the color paint was the exact color which he painted his fence). Thank goodness we saw it. Hey, this guy is always using these products. He lives in his garage 24/7 working with this stuff for whatever he is making. The police will not do anything. THIS IS A VERY DISTURBED PERSON. I FEEL BAD FOR HIS KIDS. Oh yeah the other house he lived in he sneeked selling it (no one knew) and snuck out late at night using a u-haul so his neighbors would not see him because he was very disliked. That should tell us something there.
HELP!!!! WHAT CAN I DO ??????
lucy
15 years ago
Move? It's not about 'backing down' if you move, because it's not about 'winning' anything. If the guy is mental, there's nothing you can do (legally) short of taking him to court, if you really have lots of documented evidence. It's also quite possible that what his wife understood you to have said, for whatever reason she didn't hear it right, was then passed on to him with a 'mistake' in it (relative to what you really said), so he may think you're a real $*#&%, which is unfortunate, but just one of those things in life. Maybe you could get some kind of intermediary person (who you think he'd respect) to try and sort it all out.
vacuumfreak
15 years ago
My neighbors are that way too... just look right through you like you aren't even there. I got a new(er) car about 3 months ago... I went from an 80's jalopy to a 99 Accord that I paid cash for... I was in the parking lot washing the windows and a neighbor walked up and said in very broken English, "That one car is more pretty than oder one jou haveee. How much jou paying for da one?" I almost fainted! A complete stranger walking right up and asking how much I paid for my car! Then he had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to buy a homemade cheesecake from him! Some people!!!!!

I really wish that our community was such that everyone knew each other's name and we felt comfortable "borrowing a cup of sugar" or what have you from each other... that just isn't the way it is!
lucy
15 years ago
Boy, you sure are tolerant... I'm sure making fun of peoples' accents is a riot too. So he doesn't have the greatest manners, but did he do such a terrible thing that you had to come here to tell everyone about it? Are you suggesting he's the only person who ever asked what you paid for something? That must be an interesting world you live in... Just ignore him in future.
vacuumfreak
15 years ago
Since when did repeating what someone said the way they said it become making fun of them?

I think what I said was appropriate. Is this thread not about rude neighbors? Since when is it OK to ask someone (especially a complete stranger) how much they paid for something (especially a car, it wasn't a gallon of milk)?!

My dear, I wonder what world YOU live in?
lucy
15 years ago
Actually, the forum is about apartment living. If you were to go to a country where they don't speak English and someone made fun of your attempt to be understood, would you really think it was OK?
vacuumfreak
15 years ago
Maybe your monitor has some fingerprints on it. I didn't ask what this forum was about. I asked what the thread was about. This thread is indeed about rude neighbors.

I was much nicer to him than I should have been. Once again, repeating someone isn't does not equal making fun of them. If someone told someone else what I said, that would be fine with me.
dreamgarden
15 years ago
Hey Lucy, organic_farmer_bob commented about being called "Gweilo" by his chinese neighbors and you didn't say anything.

Do you have an opinion about THAT? Or are you only interested in bringing vacuumfreak to task about what you perceive to be 'inappropriate content'?
lucy
15 years ago
My 'daughter' (ex Hong Kong, met her first at age 12) has called me Gweilo for years (now in her 20's) along with some other not so cute things, so it's no biggie around here. I'd post her (beautiful) pix, but don't think it's very appropriate of course.
sonopoly
15 years ago
I'm with Lucy here. I'm Asian, so if I told you all that my neighbors called me a chink or a jap would you attack me for being racist? Organic Bob was just telling you what his neighbors called him but he didn't make fun of them. I took great offense to vacuumfreak's comment -- what difference does it make that they spoke in an accent? She was offended that they asked how much she paid for the car. Why didn't she just say a neighbor asked me how much my car costs amd she was offended by it!!!! What if she said this black guy had the nerve of asking me how much I paid for my car? What difference would it make if he's black but she went as far as mimicking the other person. Ugh, and now she's going to try to defend herself .....
vacuumfreak
15 years ago
I didn't call anyone names. I didn't even mention race! I was repeating what they said word for word... not derogatory at all. Had I used perfect English when I quoted my neighbor, that would have been dishonest.

I'm "flattered" that a true anecdote of mine had the power to offend people on an internet forum.
sonopoly
15 years ago
You were annoyed with a neighbor so you actually went through the trouble to quote verbatim????? What did you do -- turn on your spy tape recorder and then run into your apt. and put on your transcriber headphones to get this all down word for word? What I meant and maybe you can answer me -- is why did you need to do this? WHY, WHY, and again WHY, did you need to detail the accent? Most people (read all the posts here) say a neighbor did this, a neighbor did that, but they don't mention that the person is white, black, foreign (which YOU did - I never met an American that had an accent other than southern, NY, Boston), asian, or purple. Personally, I don't think asking how much a neighbor paid for a used car is bad at all or letting them that they sell cheesecakes. I would love to know someone who sold homemade cheesecakes in my neighborhood.
vacuumfreak
15 years ago
Why NOT? People quote other people all the time...

I'd like to let you know that you (and Lucy) missed the mark in the slamming doors thread. The OP said OF COURSE the woman is the one slamming the doors... that sounds a little sexist to me. Since you both responded to that thread, I wonder why neither of you would have said anything there. Doesn't seem very consistent.

I cannot believe a person who thinks it is socially acceptable to ask a stranger how much they paid for a big ticket item is judging me for quoting someone. Maybe you would buy a cheesecake that a stranger made in his own home... I bake myself, and I do NOT need to be solicited when I'm in my own apartment complex minding my own business.
lucy
15 years ago
Quoting someone is usually looked on as a compliment, with the quote being attributed to the quoter. What you did was absolutely unnecessary, personally revealing in ways that do not at all compliment you, and showed that you stoop to mockery when you need to make a (negative) point. That's not my idea of quoting anyone, just a cheap shot at someone not around to defend himself.
vacuumfreak
15 years ago
Just because quoting someone is "usually looked upon as a compliment" doesn't make it wrong to quote someone for another reason. Do you think that just because something is different, it is wrong?

I should give the guy a chance to defend himself, you are right... for asking me such a rude question. Tell you what, I'll tape a link to this thread to his front door.

Now, go read the slamming doors thread and get offended (if you're a woman... there's no way that couldn't offend you). Why would a non-racial quote bother you, but a sexist remark wouldn't?
sonopoly
15 years ago
All I can say is that I can't confirm that I am right and that you are wrong, but I can say that you totally offended me and upset me. I hope that this is enough for you to re-think your future posts.
sonopoly
15 years ago
Greg, that's what I thought. I didn't think anything the neighbor did was offensive, rude, or mean at all, but the way she described him WAS and so all I can think was that it wasn't what the neighbor did but who the neighbor WAS. I wonder if the neighbor was a blond, fit, attractive American guy, we would have seen this post. I think we would have but it would have been -- "Wow, I have this great neighbor, I was out washing my car and we started talking, he asked me how much I paid for my car and then said I got a good deal and he sells homemade cheesecakes to boot!" and then a few months later, we'd see a post saying "OMG, I've gained 20 lbs. from all these delicious cheesecaskes, I've been eating!". I always toss around this thought in my head -- who's worse or what's sadder A***holes who know they are, or A***holes who don't....
sonopoly
15 years ago
So, vacuumfreak can understand, "Mus be bohn dis way, can't tich"
greg_h
15 years ago
Just to make it clear, sonopoly, you only agree with half of what I said.
I WASN'T offended by vacuumfreak's quote. In this day and age, I think political correctness has gone way overboard. People are offended way too easily. An innocent comment can be totally taken the wrong way.
Sure, it's possible that vacuumfreak was trying to insult their neighbour, but it is also totally possible that they were merely relating the event as it took place.
So just like I think vacuumfreak should cut their neighbour some slack, I also think that everyone else on this board should cut vacuumfreak some slack.
And as far as the question 'why include the broken english quote in the post when it isn't relevant?' I think that if everyone merely only stated things that were directly relevant that this world would be a boring and quiet place. There would be no small talk between strangers and novels and TV shows would be condensed down to practically nothing. Details make a story more interesting, even if they aren't directly relevant.
vacuumfreak
15 years ago
Sonopoly, what would make you think I don't understand English when spoken or written properly? Perhaps it is YOU that doesn't understand proper English and that is why you were offended by my QUOTE. Why can't you tell us why a sexist post on another thread wouldn't offend you, BUT a quote on this one would? Your comment was uncalled for, and I should report you to gardenweb, but I'm not that kinda gal (I'm a male btw... but thanks for calling me a she, I'm flattered... I haven't even had the "surgery" yet, but the hormone pills are working great).

My last boyfriend was from another country, so that has nothing to do with it...
User
15 years ago
vacuumfreak, dont be so upset about a question. Tell the person asking a lower number they will walk away thinking you made a great deal.

So what if they ask, they are not hurting you and you can refuse to answer or lie.

Neighbors on both sides of me are nosey and ask what I pay for everything. As far as they know, I only paid $1000 for my car on an Ebay deal.

My car didn't come from Ebay, it cost more than $1000. and the neighbors are hunting ebay for such a deal. LOL
sonopoly
15 years ago
Hi, Vacuumfreak,

I got a little heated up and touchy. I think that you are a nice person - I've read your other posts. I apologize for anything I wrote that may have offended you (and I know there are some). I think misunderstandings are frequent on the internet because expressions are often not displayed. I would like to be your friend and hope that you feel the same. Gosh, there are so many worse "enemies" in the world! Again, I apologize and do see your point. Some of my very best friends started out as enemies and we never really were, really. Email me!
bonnie_2006
15 years ago
Lucy the trouble maker at it again.
halcyon808
15 years ago
Maybe someone can offer some advise in my situation.
Back in Oct our new neighbors moved in. We live in attached houses and the walls are not that thick, so when someone is yelling it is like you are in the same room. Only one time have they said something about our TV that we accidently had a bit loud one night, we have never said anything to them about anything. We have put up with their screaming for all this time now and only in Feb have I started to write things down hoping that soon I can complain to the the town housing board or whomever is in charge. I literally write no less than 6 instances down a day at ALL hours.
Only this morning at 6:30am I could not take it anymore. I did 1 tap, only 1 on the wall with my shoe and she went NUTS! Screaming to her bf was not enough all the time, she literally screamed that she was going to say something to us and yell at us the next time she saw us outside. I feel that with these kinds of people asking them to be quiet would backfire because they are insane and I also realize making a tap on the wall is not the answer either. I am home alone alot and it is extremely stressful to go outside, try to study or anything without their disturbing behavior.
User
15 years ago
I think I would find out TODAY who to complain to, and maybe even get a video recorder to record their record their noise. A written record is your word against theirs unless you have something to back it up.
thegrinch17
15 years ago
Who needs "Rude & Mean Neighbors" when you have someone like Lucy on this forum? She lives to insult other people on here & I think the way she has treated Vacuumfreak on this thread is uncalled for! She really needs to keep her unwanted opinions to herself because I'm pretty sure that nobody wants to hear her ignorant & rude comments! I can't believe she continues to get away with her cruel treatment of others!
willamae
15 years ago
This post is all over the place..haha

The OP has not come back (I'm aware a lot don't) so I guess we'll never find out what happened

halcyon: do you have a landlord or super to talk to?

Finally: All I'm adding to the whole mess with the quote; I was brought up you don't ask the price of big ticket items (cars, homes, or even rent). I understand it might not be a big deal to some. I understand some people question those things with their neighbors all the time. I was just taught that if you're not really good friends or family, you don't ask casual acquaintances.
halcyon808
15 years ago
willamae - When I told our rental company these peoples dog had destroyed the connecting fence they laughed. Im not sure what our company can do and since they rent from a private landlord not a company we can't find out and complain to him. I saw the guy once last year but he had not rented it yet.
They have been abnormally quiet this week and have not come out into the yard when we have been out there. Seems like Christmas came early, at least for now.
scott2006
15 years ago
Hello All,

I worked for a fence company for about 20 years and can right a book about all the problems the neighbors caused.

We made a lot of money off of "bad neighbors" and "bad dogs"...........But the home owners were happy when they got the fence up!!!!

Scott
sholbert98
7 years ago
To vacuumfreak, please don't be so sensitive. I don't think your apartment neighbor meant any harm. Perhaps his approach was insensitive. If you would like to discuss this more in-depth please send me an email, SHolbert@aol.com. I am an older person, and I am having a problem understanding why our society is so sensitive now. I guess because I developed a "thick skin" many years ago. My survival tactic. Life is too short. I hope to hear from you.
adrineo
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
never met my neighbor and I ran into her in this tight hallway so I kind of smiled and quietly said hi. She just breathed through her nostrils like she was annoyed with my presence. idk if i’m too sensitive sometimes or if people are jerks. I say just walk past them and go on with your day like they weren’t even there
Laurie Gove-Williams
3 years ago
I have a horrible nasty neighbor, the nicer you are to her the more she hates it. My husband said to her one day “ you want me don’t you ? Hilarious!

Rude and mean neighbors

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