well we all made it through another special day. matthew stayed over on sat. night and on sunday he and i went to the cemetary. matthew's girlfriends mom made a beautiful artifical arrangement to go on top of the stone (rule of the cemerary real flowers after may 20), he and i planted 4 red geraniums (one for me, one for him, one for our dd, and one for gracie joy divine), 2 white allisiums plants, 4 kind of orange daisies and purple pansies. we also put up a blue and white sphere on a stand (kindof like a gazing ball, blue and white for the yankees baseball and the toronto maple leafs hockey team, Al was a sports nut!) i think he would have really liked it, also we put 4 different glass birds, bluejays and robins, one for each of us on the base, however i had to glue this down this morning and i brought gracie joy divine with me, she usually stays in her basket but today of all days she decided it would be fun for me to run around the grounds (thankfully Al is in the new part and there is alot of just grass, i would have felt terrible if the plots were there, but again i could feel Al laaughing at us). matthew spent alot of time crying again and was so quiet till we took him back home (none of our kids drive). Susan, we did have a scholarship in his name, and we also sponsored a hockey team and a baseball team (Al was really children orientated and was a certified coach, where no matter how you played you got equally time to play, it doesn't go well with alot of parents. and our son gives sporting equipment to the younger age sport players at cost or free. our daughter volunteers her time helping children to read better, and also helps at parks and recreation. i also volunteer my time at one of hockey associations that matthew played for when he was younger and he hasn't played there for 14 years! we also work bingos which help keep costs down for childrens sports. Al taught us all this, he has always been one to volunteer and never want or expect payment. i do hope you all had a wonderful day yesterday. tomorrow will be another day and we'll see what that will bring. it's so foggy here it looks like a snow storm! debbie

My mom would have said no because she hates BD and often makes things worse by not thinking things through. I would have allowed dd to stay a couple more hours. Granted the drive isn't far. Not a big deal. Honestly from a BM perspective, I think mom's who make it impossible for a child to have extra time or impossible to agree to changes is really showing that they are jealous that they don't want their child participating with 'the other' families. I felt this way a long time ago. Lol I remember the first weekend of our seperation was devastating. It was a Thursday and the judge allowed BD to have dd Friday night- Sunday night because his parents had come in to town to support him through 'this rough time'. I did not get along with my ex inlaws. So when I found out the ENTIRE family was in town... I flipped. I stormed over there, demanded my dd back (not my time to have her) but then when BD was bringing her out, she was bawling (she was 4) I don't want to leave mommy my cousins are here!! I miss them! We're going swimming! Mommy!! I just broke down, I sat in the drive way crying (feeling sorry for me). I didn't want to go home alone. I didn't want to get divorced. He filed on a Tuesday, the following week we were in court on Thursday, this was Friday or Saturday. I had no idea BD wanted a divorce so I was just in complete shock. I let her stay. I felt like such a fool. So embarrassed how I acted. It only proved to his family how right they were about me. And that ate me up even more. I was so 'jealous' they were having family fun and I was no longer included. I changed quickly. I still sometimes feel a 'pang' of jealousy but it never goes further than a stab at the gut and I move on. So being in those same shoes I can see what people (mom's and dad's alike are guilty of this) are doing it and identify it. I don't think it's healthy. It's the most unhealthy thing for a person to walk around like that. And what neither grandma nor BM realize is they are hurting SD. She probably sulked all the way home. I often wonder if DD treats dad and SM the same as she treats me when she doesn't get her way or what she wants... I know I say yes more than they do. I hope she does though. I sometimes hate how they get 'special' treatment by dd just because she isn't around them much. It's ok to disrespect me and to whine an yell at me when she doesnt get what she wants ... But towards them she accepts their answer and says nothing back to them... But I deep down know it's because she isn't comfortable with them. I guess I'm ok with that. I actually enjoyed sharing that story because it reminds me how much I've grown in 6 1/2 years :)

Well this is what happened last year for my DH. no card , no gift, no acknowledgement of fathers day until the morning of and while he was passing by the hallway, SD says oh yah, happy fathers day. Well i had a feeling that this would happen cause i asked her the two weeks before if she had any ideas and she didnt answer. I said to myself, she's gonna plan to hurt him. Well i'll make sure he's gonna have a net from me. So the day came and of course no card , no gift last year. I can tell he was hurt. So when h e took the kids to drive up ( its takes 3 hours to go and come back) I created a card for him several pages thick that was from our son, went out got a new guitar and some clothes for him while my friend baby sat. So when he came back he was completely surprised at the gifts and friends and when he read that card, he cried like a baby. His sister phoned at the time and hecouldnt get on the phone. Well my husband displayed that card over the fireplace with pride and when his kids came and saw it they freaked. THe mouths dropped. SS immediately said 'i wrote a card but forgot it at home' i said nothign stopped you from bringing it this weeekend. SD was silent the entire weekend. And silent for over 2 months after that. I do not like anyone who plans things in advance to hurt someone. That was so obvious and i wasn't gonnna let her do that. I let her make her own decision and let her look like the idiot for not doing anything for her father. I'm not going to push anything on his kids. THey have ot do it on their own. THis year was great. I threw a barbq party with gifts and a large people gathering and my husband loved it! He got his traditional thick card from my son. I also added a poster with all the kids pictures for good measure and put all the kids names. SD brought a card and 2 gifts for her father this year. SS brought nothing but he acknowledged the day and liked the poster since the pics were all of the kids. So you see, the kids have tto do this on their own. THey cannot be pushed by anyone. If they don't want to give something to their father its their loss, he will celebrate that day with or without them and i will make sure he'll have a good time. My stepkids realize this. They are good kids and we all have our ups and downs but this year turned out nice for hubby. As for mothers day. I was always acknowledged except for this year. I was told happy mom day by both kids afterwards when they saw me drink out of my MOM cup which i proudly displayed:) Cause lets face, it doesn't matter who doesnt acknowlege what and where. ITs how you feel and what you will do about that day. Me, i enjoyed mothers day and i didn't care who called me and who didn't. WHO CARES! HAVE FUN FOR YOURSELVES! Anyone who doesn't want to have fun, its their loss. :)

Memphis was beautiful here last year, so am hoping for a repeat. Jeanne Deaver's Dream was not sweet la la here, as it sort of languished. Took a few beautiful pictures much nicer than reality, but never did much. With climate change, perhaps it would be better. But a few years and they have to prove their stuff. I look forward to seeing Strolling Through the Roses this year.