So brilliantly brought, Boxo! I love how the Coppertina adds that extra flow to the bouquet. And oh, the peony and the clustering of Peonies truly "sparkle". No rain can ever dampen their Absolute Beauty!

There were 8 adults and 3 kids here for a bbq. I made homemade pizza, shrimp and crab on crackers, a cheese platter and grilled brats, kielbassa, etc. cut up. Then we had baby back ribs, homemade cole slaw and potato salad, spinach salad with grilled chicken, baked beans, hamb and hot dogs. Homemade strawberry shortcake and banana cake with whipped cream. I am exhausted! DS son and family arrived Fri night, I didn't think they were coming till Sun morn. So needless to say it was very active here. I didn't get a chance to fuss with the table, we ate outside and it was very warm here today. I used a blue and yellow floral table cloth, stems with blue and yellow, blue naps, a yellow watering can with fresh daisies, and 2 yellowish shell candles. The kids went donwn to the bay for a while. Tomorrow everything will have to get cleaned again, and all the towels and linens to wash! But, it was nice...tiring but nice.

I have been down that cancer road several times, so I know how physically and emotionally exhausting it is. You have to do what you can live with long-term, and if you feel you couldn't live with yourself if you left your husband in these circumstances, then all you can do is minimize the wear-and-tear on yourself and your daughter. I am sorry your step-son is so impossible and even sorrier your husband is so difficult and unsupportive. Cancer didn't suddenly make him a better or different person. Here are my suggestions: 1) Protect yourself and your daughter financially for the possible time when your husband is no longer with you. You may want to set up a separate bank account and sequester some of your resources so you are assured of access to monies regardless of anything your husband might do (like decide suddenly to put his sons' names on the account). If possible, consult with an attorney regarding estate planning. Given your husband's current intractability, you may not have any luck securing his cooperation. But at least you will know what your legal rights are. 2) Prioritize your tasks. Your husband's medical care is a priority. Your daughter's physical and emotional needs are priorities. Doing your step-son's laundry, picking up after him or fixing meals are not. At 14 he can do those things for himself. If he doesn't do them, his problem. 3) Look into support systems for yourself and your husband. That would include hospital services, family support groups and Hospice, so that if the burdens get too heavy to carry alone you know who to go to. Do these things while you're still capable of thinking clearly. A time may come when you're too tired to think at all. This assumes you decide to stick it out. You may decide this is too thankless a task and leave your husband and his rotten kids to their own devices. Feel right in your choice and the judgements of others won't matter.

IMO, its still the HUBBY who makes the final choice. Anyone, anyone even his own sister can tell him off and convince him not to pick up his kids. but in the end its his choice. No one elses. So it doesn't matter what a SM or a BM wants. Its the decision of that person. And let me bring another perspective to this arguement. You all are ticked off when a weekend is missed from an already constricted schedual eh..???? WELL WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BM MAKES PLANS ON DADS' WEEKENDS OR CONVINCES THE KIDS ITS NOT A GOOD PLACE TO GO??? Then WHAT? SHE MAKES DAD LOOK LIKE A PUTZ FOR THE LOST WEEKENDS. Its happening now with us. Damned if you do take them, and damned if youdont. Well guess what, i'm keeping a log for the last 2 years now of all the weekends lost with his kids and the reasons behind it. When on misses and why. Whether its a school activities, grandma's bday, cousins bdya party, just not up to it, wants to be with mom that weekend...ALL OF IT!. This way, when bm accuses my dh of it , i will have a record with dates and who showed up and who didn't so she doesn't try any funny business. and even the kdis have lashed out at my husband saying, oh your msising alot of weekends. He said yah, and who';s fault is that? YOURS NOT MINE! you want ot be with your friends, and go party and i call you ever week to know if you are coming...so dont play the tag game on me and try to guilt me. YOU ARE DITCHING ME. Be responsible , accept it and stop blaming others for you actions! And this is what i would say about this situation. STOP BLAMING SM'S FOR DADS DECISIONS. She has an imput but not the ultimate say. I think the mentality of blaming sm all the time comes for the same mentality that kids have the final say in these divorce situation and i cannot stress the fact even more that kids have absolutely no say and power lies between the adults. Between mom and dad. And in the end , a SM can b****ch all she wants, if dad says otherwise, its otherwise. And to add, if dad wants to skip one weekend, its also his right. He can make arrangments to picck them up another time for longer.