I think your relationship is young and 4 months living together is still fresh. So the only advice i can give you is what i usually do with my husband. I constantly tell him that if he treats one child like that he must do it as well to the other and if he doesn't then he doens't have my support what so ever. My dh does this to his kids ALL the time. He will always favor his daughter over his son. and even our biochild over his son. He has this negative attitude i see with his own son andi dont like it. Example: he wnats to take his daughter out ot a museum. Wheni hear it said over the phone i assumed it was a family thing...silly me.....he only wants to take her out. We had a scrap out about it htis week. He says i'm jealous...HAHHAhlalllol...i told him im not an insecure woman and in fact i usually encourage outtings alone with both kids. My problem is that he only wants her to go and to leave his son at home iwth me. This will create feeligns of abandonment and jealousy and anger towards my dh. I told him...you want go ahead..but you are dissing your own son yet again! 'oh he wont like the museum' i told him doesn't matter. Your taking her and not him. I've already seen the exhibit...can go again anytime, my son is way too young and would just be trouble...but at least ask your son if he wants to go....its awful. My sd is demanding too of attention and yes my hubby does fall from tie to time. The only thing you can do is talk to him and remind him...but in the end...its him. There was one instant , i wanted to 'teach' them both a lesson, father and daughter...so i took my ss out with me the entire day even though his sister protested and my husband came crawling to me in the kitchen (this was 6 years ago) telling me , maybe its best if i take both kids as a treat...i said sorry, no room, and choose your son...you can have more time with your daughter. Oh boy....were they huffy puffy and every once in a while i would do this. Another suggestion is to make more group time and also alone time with Sd and him. That way she doesn't always take control of the situ.

It's really nice what you've done mom2emall, hopefully it helps BM. Sounds like you already made the decision but your post has been on my mind so I'll still put my 2 bob in :-) You're right, it's better to stay neutral with BM rather then befriending her. There's every change that that would put you in the middle of BM's drama and that's not good for the kids, simple as that. The kids need you and that is your primary concern, so it's better to keep BM at a distance. My experience with people like this is that they take advantage of you, even if they don't do it with bad intentions. It's just the only way they know. They'll lean on you, unload on you, drain you of your energy. This is how they cope with their drama. BM might show up at your place one night after a fight with BF, imagine what that would do with the kids. You just can't afford to take the risk. You're home is their stable and safe place. You've done a nice thing, I hope BM is encouraged to take some action :-)

When she was about three, we started calling our youngest child "Avalanche" because it seemed that wherever she went, things collapsed and fell down - store displays, book shelves, stacks of papers, etc. She is 23 now, tall, willowy, beautiful, educated. Never clumsy, actually quite graceful and athletic. Well...This morning she left to teach English in S. Korea for a year, Last night, perhaps as her parting shot, she knocked over a plant her daddy and I received as a wedding present in 1968, just as we were about to sit down to dinner! All our "big kids" and their families (19 of us) were here to say farewell. At the sound of the crash, almost in unison the big kids called, "AVALANCHE!!!" When the cloud of dirt/dust settled, you should have seen the look on her face. Every surface in two rooms was covered in black grit and we had to toss dinner. I have kept that plant alive for 40 years, given it away a hundred times to acquaintances and each of our kids as they married, sort of as a symbol of longevity. As big as the mess was (actually, still is - I have to repot the plant and clean the rooms) I'm oddly glad it happened. My little Avalanche is going to be gone for a year, and I am terribly sad about that.

SJ McCarthy, I had decided to do the floors in 3 stages, and I really wanted the room upstairs and steps down to the kitchen, done first - just to keep me sane. :-) So that is all I have done thus far. I had 4 quotes on the carpet, and this company was actually the highest quote. I was disappointed in that but kind of expected it as they have an excellent reputation. So, due to my budget, I had decided to go with a less-expensive quote. But before I had scheduled, this company's estimator emailed me and asked me to let her know if I got lower estimates and she would see if they could match it. Not expecting much, I gave her the amount of the next-highest quote, which was $700 less. She asked for and I sent her a copy of the quote, with all the company identifying information blanked out. And within 10 minutes, they beat that quote by $1. I was completely surprised! I had researched the price of this carpet (it wasn't inexpensive) and knew that was where they were coming in high - their labor prices were not off much from my previous quotes. And that is where they dropped their price - materials cost. So I learned a valuable lesson as well as FINALLY getting my new carpet in. My kitchen floor will definitely be Armstrong Vivero glue-down, and the company I am going with is actually the only Armstrong-certified dealer in the area. I was just more comfortable with that. I won't be scheduling that until after June though. I have a trip to Greece in a few weeks, just today put my car in the shop for some very expensive, unexpected repairs, and a few other large unplanned expenditures that has sidetracked my budget for a bit. The wood flooring in the dining and living room - weeeeelll.. I am TRYING my best to not spend a freaking fortune, but I have looked until I am blue in the face and found nothing I love locally (I have mentioned that I am picky, right?), but I DO love this: https://craftfloor.com/product/savona/ It's double what I had wanted/planned to spend, it's a direct order, but it's gorgeous, and it's exactly the look/color/finish/tone of floor I wanted. The company has been very generous and has sent many large samples. The only thing that gives me pause is finding a local installer that I can trust. So it will be a while before I get the rest done. I have no reason to hurry, so I am okay that it will be a bit longer of a wait. :-)