Thank you! It did seem interested in oak. If it is on there in the morning I will take it to an oak tree. Didn’t want it to starve so I put it in a cage with several options.

Sarcococca would not survive zone 5/6 or if it did, would never recover good foliage by September, unless protected. There are precious few cultivars of Prunus laurocerasus that can survive zone 5/6 like 'Otto Luyken.' Certainly it's not 'Mount Vernon.' Many of the larger-leaved laurocersus do not even do well here in zone 7 East Coast. So given its hardiness, and the fact that 'Otto Luyken' is the most available and commonly grown evergreen Prunus shrub in the Mid-Atlantic, it's extremely likely this is 'Otto Luyken'.

It had a partially ripped off price tag that had something like '....anthus' or something. But I searched for a long time and it kept showing non-tilly plants : ( Brachycaulos looks like it still has quite a bit of that fuzzy trichome surface, this one is actually really...bromeliad ish? so smooth/plasticky instead of fuzzy?

I'm in England, so it's a bit rich for me to take a guess, but going from your photos and your location, I'd go with one of the Canadian Explorer roses called 'John Davis'.. see what you think.. hmf hmf