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Funny or in poor taste?

20 years ago

In my future book I am thinking about including an article which I will excerpt the beginning below (the entire article is at

I would like to hear others opinions as to how this story starts out: Is it entertaining or is it in poor taste?

Dream Garden

My gardening buddy, Olen Morgan, wanted me to write about the great chicken caper but I have bigger fish to fry since I won the lottery. I guess most of you know by now that I won Eight Million Dollars in the Georgia lottery. The next day I called in sick and didn't go to work.

I bought both my neighbors property on each side of me. I even bought one neighborÂs dog. Paid $100 for that mongrel. As soon as I handed over the money I drug that mutt by the leash and tied him up in my yard. Then I went in, got my gun and came back out and shot that *@&!!~#. That's the end of his infernal barking.

I know some of you are saying "How horrible, how cruel, that's so sick and disgusting." Well all I can say is "That's once."

The neighbor began flailing my back with his tiny little fists saying "You barbaric fool, you killed my dog." I reminded him that "No, I had just killed my own dog."

But on with the story. I hired a bulldozer to push down the house I had just bought then I got on the phone with Bill Bricker and told him to send me a few truckloads of topsoil and Composttoast. You probably have figured out by now that I have a vision of expanding my garden. Probably vegetables on one side, an orchard on the other, and in the middle, my present garden with flowers and ornamentals. As you can see, even with money, some of us don't know how to think big.

For the vegetable side I went to Reeve's Garden Shop. There stood Olen Morgan behind the counter telling a customer how Eddie Rhoades had tried to "show" his gourds over the radio. They laughed even harder when they saw me come in. I figure turn about is fair play, since people are always asking Walter Reeves during his program to identify some plant he can't see which they're describing over the radio.

Since I mentioned it earlier, I will go ahead and tell you about the Great Chicken Caper. I started out with a pair of BB red bantam chickens. A rooster called BB and a hen named Lucille. Had them both for about a year and a half. Those chickens followed me all around the garden and would even eat out of my hand. One day Lucille just disappeared. I figure some cat got her. By the way, I hear cat's make excellent fertilizer - really. When thousands of mummified cats were discovered buried at the pyramids they were ground up and used as fertilizer. I suppose by now I've offended all the cat and dog lovers. Funny how society allows us to have these two pets but something practical like a chicken are considered livestock and frowned on. I sure did miss that little hen and BB, poor guy, was moping around all quiet and lonesome......

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