my goodness, dry your tears, you're only 1 zone away from me ... and i have lots of color ... let's see, hmmm, well, for starters, all my knock-out roses look great ... becky daisies, black-eyed susans & red bee balm are beautiful ... also, cardinal flower & maltese cross going strong ... foxglove (foxy) is throwing up beautiful spikes ...3 different climatis ... hollyhocks ... coral bells ... pee gee & pink diamond hydrangeas are drop-dead gorgeous (yeah, i know they are shrubs, but still ...) at least *some* of these are hardy to zone 4, aren't they? good luck ... phyl

Robin, I gues you didn't read my last post. I said I was OVER the whining stage for the most part, so I'm no longer frustrated. It only lasted through parts of the summer. An occassional whine here & there I can deal with. The fact that it was so much throughout the day when I too was agitated from the heat & less patient didn't make it easy going through. Right now the only times they are really rough & it's also b/c I have 3 dogs & a toddler is during dinner prep time. I feel like it's chaos, but that's better than it being all day long, so I'm better able to tolerate it then. Of course it figures that at that time nothing seems to work well. I often try to pop in a video at that time & hope she prefers to watch it than be in the kitchen with me. Sometimes I give her a snack, which is where part of the chaos begins b/c the dogs go after her when she has food & then she screams when they take it away. Most days I let her take all my tupperware out & make a mess & entertain herself while I cook. Other days she gets into everything & btn her & the dogs & the tripping over things & her crying over what they've taken from her or her getting into their dogs bowls, etc. & then she gets needy so I feel like "Calgon take me away!". Luckily this doesn't happen too often anymore. Michie

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Silversword and lamom. You get what I am saying. I was not trying to "goat" anyone into anything or stir up the pot. I really was posting my deep thoughts, kind of like a journal to myself while at the same time trying to explain the situation. The reason I wrote the stuff about the BM being proud of being 'white trash' was because I was trying to explain about what I am dealing with here. That is all. I am the furtherest thing from someone who is all high and mighty and I don't think I am better than anyone else. In fact I am more of the black sheep in my family partly because I am not so judgmental and I am the rebel. I have tattoos, moved out at 17 on my own, don't like people to tell me what to do, etc. And yes I freely admit I am a control freak. That is something I am working very hard on. After the first post I was just adding details and my mind and thinking were changing. I am glad that my tune has changed since last Sunday. I am feeling much more optimistic now. Honestly I didn't think I was even going to come back to this site and I told myself today ok just go see what was said but don't post anymore. I am glad I did come back because both silversword and lamom made feel better and realize that not everyone here is so judgemental. I can take criticism and I was really thankful for the first few posts that told me to grow up because that is exactly what I needed to hear. And I do not get off on or enjoy writing inflammatory posts. I am sorry I was just writing my story and the quotes that sylviatexas posted that I wrote on the first day I registerd were written because that is what was said. I was not making anything up, that is my story and I am sticking to it, lol. My DH did not graduate but I don't hold that against him. I still love him very much. He also had a drug addiction in his past but you know what he is stronger for it and has proven how he can overcome almost anything. People do change and I do not hold their past on them forever. When I say he went through a bad period that is what I was referring. There is, of course, way more to the story and lamom is right you can not describe it all in one post, or even probably in 100. But what matters most is that this site did help me. I got a change to write my thoughts down and try to figure out what in the world I was really feeling. The more I wrote about SS and what HE has to deal with the more I found that I do care about him. I really do. It is still going to take time to build a relationship but I think it is all going to be ok.

I notice no one mentions which bulbs they hated and which ones people found that they love, or how long ago you tried them. No matter. If don't have an open mind about it, don't bother and waste your money. Some people might be converted anyway but 99% would not. The fact that so many people do is testament to the fact that there are an ever widening variety available. Please don't confuse price with color or quality. I looked at one bulb that was 28.00 each at the lighting store where I bought the cans, 14.00-16.00 at general stores like target, and 7-8.00 through my electric company. I could write about my 7.00 lights while someone else could wail about the 28.00 a piece they had to pay to get something they liked and we would both be talking about the same bulb. Also, don't forget in CA they must use pin type bulbs and the rest of the country do not. They do not have the same choices in bulbs as people in other parts of the country, so maybe it would be like comparing apples an oranges, but the R30 fluorescents that are compatible with recessed cans are available in dimmable bulbs and full spectrum daylight bulbs, although there doesn't seem to be a single bulb that I am aware of YET that is both. R30 bulbs are also available as halogen. So I guess I don't really understand the problem. Either way, why put in something you fully intend to hate if you are not required to do? You can also just put in cans that are compatible with both, and have OPTIONS down the road if they come out with better bulbs. Sue