Ah Shelley, you are not alone in this. I also have pots galore (most of them rescues) waiting for a good home. Hopefully a good home in MY garden, but unfortunately, first I have to clear out smilax, japanese honeysuckle, and an excess of small tree seedlings (especially those red maples!). The smilax and honeysuckle I can gladly chuck, but the trees are natives and it is sad to have to take some out (but I do it for the sake of diversity). The sourwood and black gum seedlings I try to pot up. Need some?

If all this space could get cleared out ... I could plant everything immediately! Oops, except the dirt is either rock hard clay or woodland soil that is a mesh of roots. Ok, so it would still take me many days to plant it all ....

People I know with excess celandine and other "desirable" seedlings will pot them up for trades, giveaways, local plant sales (several people bring flats of them to the native plant society's sale). Of course that keeps you in the potted plant business longer than you wanted to be! Why just recently I found someone willing to take some extra ebony spleenworts off my hands ....

I'm right there with both of you - it takes days to get the invasives pulled so I can plant the plants, never mind moving or dividing things, and I keep making it worse by buying more...

We have a group around here called Freecycle - there are chapters all over the country. You can post things that you'd like to give away - this year, I finally got rid of all the daylilies that came with the house (literally hundreds and hundreds) by posting a couple of days and times that people could come over to dig them up. I had an incredible response, and you might too. I didn't have to move a muscle and they all disappeared!

Cheer up - I go through the "What was I thinking?" phase every single spring when the top of the driveway disappears under plants - but it goes away, just like the plants do.

it puts things in perspective when you have kids, not that everyone must have them of course to get the lesson out of this. but after hours and hours of weeding and planting and mulching, one day my son who goes to half a day kindergarten (and so is home a lot), said "mom, don't you ever get a break?!" and "where do you go all the time when you disappear, mom?" that's when i start getting a little more relaxed about the imperfection of my garden and heck, just pull the plants out and throw them on the compost heap if i don't have takers for all of them. to save your sanity is more important. maybe take a bottle of wine out with you while you work.

Thanks for all the comments. It does help to know that others struggle with the same issues. Esh, you really made me smile with your comment about your ebony spleenworts. I rescued some last winter and was thrilled this spring when they all started putting out new fronds. And last year I sent some wood poppies, Stylophorum diphyllum, to a Gardenweb member in Mass. and she was thrilled to get them. Guess as to the specific plants, we all want what we don't have. But, esh, when you said your plants are in pots, I was so envious. I'm talking about bare-root plants waiting for me to plant. I finally got most of them in the ground yesterday. Now I've just got a few bare-root plants left (dug last Wednesday and kept moist), a few pots, and maybe a couple hundred seedlings from winter-sowing.

Esh and jill, I have given wood poppies and other plants to many friends and neighbors. And took one to our Native Plant Society's auction which sold for $10.00!!! More than one or two and the auction price plummets.

Reddirt, I frequently take a cup of coffee to the yard, but wine is a good idea. I'll consider that. And my kids are now adults, but I have friends with small children who tell of the kids going behind them pulling out what they just planted. I have dogs which I forgot to mention earlier. They play in the back yard, which is half of my property. And I won't fence them out because they are even more important to me than my plants. I'm just putting tough, invasive natives out there now, and cheap seedlings, and saying "they can't kill them all".

Yesterday I planted and pulled and mowed and turned the compost pile. I went to bed exhausted, but woke up this morning and my back (which had been bothering me) no longer hurt. Guess all this work must be good for me. Oh, and another bonus - by not having time to shop for food, I lost 2 pounds this week! Now if I can just get the front yard - just the walk from the driveway to the front door - to look good, I'll be really happy.

Shelley

If there's a local garden club that holds a yearly plant sale, offer to donate plants. My local club will bring the pots and potting mix and people to help. Then we just dig up what I don't want for an hour or so. A great benefit of this is that you're spreading your natives around. I also continually offer divisions and seedlings to my neighbors and friends, and sometimes they even say yes.

Yep, offer your extras to friends. Freecycle them. I got rid of tons of echinacea that way. It was that, or Round-up. I have learned to curtail my winter-sowing to stuff I really want, or stuff that is locally rare..the idea being that I can help be a hedge against extirpation. for instance...I was really lacking in the native grasses department...so this year I winter-sowed mostly native grasses. Always remember...gardening is supposed to be relaxing and fun!

Hello,

Enjoyed this thread so much..smiling as I read it. :-)

Also am in this particular boat more often than I would like. Also hate to pull up and throw away. Always try to dig them up and move them, but am finally at the point of having not much place to move just anything to.

I also am loathe to have anything in the yard that makes more work for us. I have to have help to garden at all, so I have to keep it as easy as possible. Low maintenance. Plants that are not invasive and hardly reseed. At least that is my priority, but on more than one occassion I find I have made an impulsive decision and sabotaged myself in that respect and pay the price later, with moving something or digging it up

I also get too enthusiastic at times. Like last winter I was having withdrawal pains from being indoors and got excited about the winter sowing too. Thankfully I only started a few containers, but lo and behold they sprouted, and I am also waiting to get them potted up individually.

Last weekend finally got a number of shrubs and perennials into the ground, but still have more than I should at this time of year, with heat just around the corner. I have felt the same way, it isn't fun at all this year. We have been doing major renovation in the yard though and it just gets hard and stressful and NOT fun. I am hoping once it is all done, I will start to feel better and enjoy it again.

I also like the freecycle email. I haven't seen too many free plant posts, but now I am going to keep my eyes peeled. LOL So I suppose I am hopeless. Instead of looking forward to having a place to give away plants, I automatically start thinking of what I might find that someone else is giving away. *sigh* Hopeless.

Adam
:-)

Hi,

And I thought I was the only one with this problem... :)

I too am forever potting up extras. What I started doing a few years ago is putting plants on my curb (I live in suburban Chicago). These plants are quickly adopted. I probably have a following I don't know about :)

When I first moved into my house I had three varieties of plants, ditch lilies, hostas and rose of sharon trees. A previous owner must have gotten a good deal on them... I had literally hundreds of lilies, probably a 100 hostas, and I still have probably 25-30 ROS that are slowly disappearing, with a little help. I put an ad in the paper for free plants and had about a dozen people come out and they dug them all out and took them home. Very happy campers all around. Of course, this probably wouldn't work in an established bed unless you worked side by side with someone, but I have done exactly that with my hardy cactus beds and met some nice gardening friends and also got my bed thinned at the same time. What a deal!

Anyhow, just a few more thoughts on the subject.

And know you aren't alone :) Maybe we could start a support group!!

Jeanne

Jeanne...

If you ever need to thin out your hardy cactus again....let me know. I've always wanted some! April

Shel:
I had maybe the same thing as you, with my back. It's like the garden healed it. When my back or neck would start to bother me, I would go turn the compost and it would stop hurting. Finally it just gave up and didn't hurt anymore. I call it "defiant exercise." I think the pain is from stress.
O

"Now if I can just get the front yard ... to look good, I'll be really happy."

Hah! Next year it will be "If I can just finish the sideyard...," then "If I could only get that corner in the back...," then it'll be "Gosh I really need to work on the front yard some more..."

My friends now roll their eyes and smile when I make any statement about how I'll be done when I just finish X task. I still do the frenzy thing but it's a happy frenzy because i know now that I'll never be done improving the place! I'll be burnishing this garden forever--and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm happiest when covered in dirt.

For a humorous take on the fine and pleasant misery of gardening, see any of Henry Mitchell's books. He's especially good on the touching faith that we gardeners have that some day the garden will be done.

Enjoy your wonderful misery! Wish I could grow ebony spleenworts!--becky

It is so refreshing to know I'm not the only one whose overwhelmed. I think I have more plants in pots than I do in my yard (2 acres of woods that needs to be cleaned up before I can plant the plants in the pots). One way to cut down on the spread of plants is to dead head. That has been my practice. I only let those plants I want to spread go to seed, otherwise the spent flowers are cut off. I have a perennial begonia that I now have added to my dead heading list. I have baby plants coming up all over. And I will also add the wood poppy to the list if it spreads so readily.

Each spring I say I'm not going to buy any more plants until I plant the ones I already have, but we all know how that goes. Gardeners just can't turn down a new plant, someones castaway or a plant on sale/clearance.

You could also do what I do, when I drive by homes with hardly any plants I thank God my yard doesn't look like that.

Enjoy, see it all for the beauty it is.

Karen

LOL! I never thought I would ever feel guilty about a seedling. Weeks ago I ordered a bunch of wetland shrubs, vines and a swamp birch from our county conservancy. It was a long drive to pick them up. When I got home I opened the pack to find they had thrown all the seedlings in, unmarked, unidentified. They all looked alike! My phone calls got an answering machine. Disgusted I threw the bag in my garage and gave up. Yesterday guilt made me open the pack and some of those blasted seedlings were trying to live, putting out pale spindly little branches. How can anyone turn their back on those poor little creatures? I felt like a dirty dog, a fiend. So out came the shovel and I planted the runty buggers. Anything that wants to live that bad deserves a chance. If they survive I wont have the heart to move them. Guilt will make me take extra care of them, and guilt pangs are flashing now for the little ones that didnt survive. Think I need a therapist!

I guess everyone has to make their own peace with this dilemma, at their own pace, But, (hope this helps), basically, a garden is a human-orchestrated occasion; even a native, wild garden on a simple acre calls for editing to make it a thriving, beautiful place.

We all care for each individual sweet plant, and don't want to see anyone culled. But, really, nature does that all the time. Given optimal cultivated beds, plants will often spread at a greater rate than the natural competitive situation in the wild. Some, specifically the three you mention; Rud triloba, Aster divericata, & stylophorum diphyllum, are rampant, though native , spreaders. So, choose your battles. These plants, because of their proclivities, aren't suffering from their spreadability. You can dig em up and share, or just get rid of some, and the population won't suffer.

I am a tender heart, too,and was loathe to off anything, but, luckily well-educated by some fine NC gardeners, have learned to see when enough is enough in a garden sense.

That said, your bestest friend if you are soft-hearted toward seedlings is Mr. Mulch. Mulch well in fall, and it will greatly reduce seedlings, so you don't have to go through the whole "But they're just Babies"rigamarole.

Gee, I wrote this 2 weeks ago and I still have the same seedlings waiting to be planted. But I did get the bareroot stuff in and some of the plants in pots. In the meantime, we had a storm with a lot of wind and I've had to stake lots of plants and do a lot of clean-up. And now I've got a sinus infection.

While I think a lot of you understood what I was trying to say, some didn't get that it's about a lot more than extra seedlings of native plants. It's also the never-ending battle against weeds. But most important is that I don't really like my yard right now. I want it to look like Emily Allen's garden, or the NC Botanical Garden. And if I knew why it doesn't, I could fix it. I'm finding "the right plant for the right place", and the right numbers of each, and the combinations, and the spacing, just things that elude me. So, I do my best and know that next year I'll be moving what I'm planting this year.

I was hoping that someone would say this is just a phase, something that I'll get through. Those of you who are happy with the results of your gardening, did you pass through such a phase? What secrets can you share? How much time does it take to make a garden? I want to know all the secrets! Oh, well, I'll stop whining now and just go out and weed and plant some more. Thanks for listening.

Shelley

Shelley,

Your garden will never be "done." You may as well give up that dream! I don't want my gardens to ever be done. Even Emily's garden or the NC Botanical are constantly moving things, weeding things, plugging in new things. Gardens that are "done" are pretty boring, they're supposed to always be in a state of flux, IMO. April

Hi Shelley,

I understand what you are saying. You get a lot of great plants, research and plan and try to do all the right things but end up with a final effect that isn't what you had in mind. There are lots of reasons for that.

My reason seems to be never being able to execute a plan. I always have to postpone or compromise what I want to do. I am never caught up on my work so nothing ever is finished and looking the way I plan it. This year, we are trying to FINISH. I know that doesn't mean my garden will be finished...it will always continue to change and evolve, but I want a completed plan to begin with before the editing starts...lol.

Since I posted last, I also have shrubs still in containers. Now we are into 90 degree temps and we are watering them twice a day. Seven containers of shrubs that should have been planted by mid may at the latest. I bought them in early April. But I had to wait on people that have done the old shrub removal. I had to wait till the trees completely leafed out so I could see where the sun patterns were. Then we decided to do the fence and it has to be power washed first and why put shrubs in before doing that. Then the person who was going to do that got busy, then rain. One of the areas I bought shrubs for turned out to have a perennial weed come back that has to now be mulched to suffocate it for a year, so now I have to find places for those plants and move them back where I planned them for next year. Then we were distracted by a roof leak that brought down 1/4 of our living room ceiling, then a water problem in the basement, now I have a toothache...and on and on it goes. So while I keep heading toward the goal, and remain determined to finish it, life has other plans. [g]

So for now, I am just trying to enjoy the plants themselves and not worry about the overall design and effect. I am trying to slow down and enjoy the gardening tasks. I am also cutting things down into manageable sections and trying to complete one area before going on to the next. That seems to be working pretty good. For although I have not finished the whole shrub border we are renovating, I did finish one section and mulched it and added the perennials and a bird bath and I am happy looking at that while I am waiting for the rest to be finished.

So for me that is the solution although I still am pulled to strive for the overall design being what I want and finished, I have to accept less than that and be happy with it. I buy plants that I really enjoy and I try to always have something in bloom and that has to be enough sometimes.

"What secrets can you share? How much time does it take to make a garden? I want to know all the secrets!"

pssst...... one secret I can share is.... gardening should be fun, enjoy your garden, don't worry that it doesn't look like some other garden because it never will. It is YOUR garden and represents YOU. Gardening should provide pleasure and enjoyment not stress. Have fun with it and you will enjoy what it becomes much more. Try doing something really silly or buy a weird plant completely out of character for your garden that you know you will enjoy. That being said nobody is ENTIRELY satisfied ALL the time with their garden, that would be pretty boring if they were.

It takes an entire lifetime to make a garden, you're only done when you're dead and gone.

As for ALL the secrets... can't help you there, maybe somebody else much smarter than me knows.

Good Luck! I hope your garden becomes what you want it to be.

I could have (and maybe did, a few years ago) write this plea. I have been creating a garden from scratch on 1 acre for about 10 years now. I often feel overwhelmed by getting "behind." It takes so much time and effort just to maintain, never mind move ahead. We've all done the "I'll just get this one plant planted, but that means I need to clear that patch, so you start weeding and realize the soil is dry and needs some compost worked in, so you go to get some compost and realize it better be turned,..." and you spend the whole day gardening but never get that poor plant in the ground.

I can't tell you that it's a phase since it still happens to me occasionally. I can tell you that it's important to take a deep breath, look around and enjoy. Look at before and after photos. Try and enjoy the process.

I guess my one secret is that each day I try and and do at least one task that's maintenance (weed a small area, water plants in pots, etc.) and one that moves the garden forward - towards what I want it to be (build a stone wall, design a plant combination).

I think, in some ways, we're lucky where the winters are a complete break from gardening. As much as I love to garden, the winter is a welcome respite and I come back renewed each spring. I don't know if you get that in Z7 or not.

Don't worry, feeling overwhelmed will happen less and less as you go along.

-V.

Hi Shelley,
We recently moved from IL to TN back to IL. All within 17 months. I had my garden looking beautiful, not done, but beautiful in IL. Had to move. Had a clean slate. Did what most people would do in 20 yrs in 17 months in TN. Moved back to IL. I have pretty much a clean slate again. I could only take so many down, I could only bring so many back. I'm trying to do the gardening while rehabing a house. The house is stressing me out, but while gardening...ahhh....stress leaves me. So beleive me, although my situation is different, I can relate.
I also wanted to tell you about my best girlfriend. She moved from here to a town about 90 minutes east. She only took hosta's. Gradually over time, and with my gardens help, she got things looking pretty good. I've helped her with the design when asked, helped plant, brought her compost etc. I haven't seen her garden since summer of 2002. She's been complaining alot to me about her garden, too many plants spreading, not liking this and that etc. We went to her son's HS graduation....her garden was absolutely enchanting! It was a cloudy day threatening rain...it took my breath away. Have someone come over and tell you, with fresh eyes, what they see. When I finally got some time with my friend and told her my feelings, the look on her face was priceless and I know she felt better.

take care,
Terry

Hmmm..interesting posts, all of them.

Shelly, I would like to echo basically what KWoods has said. That a garden is a work in progress that never really get's done and that you need to take time out to just "enjoy" it...you know, just sit in it, photograph it and enjoy the bees and bugs and all that jazz. Of course you don't need a therapist but maybe a slight self-adjustment in thinking might help. Don't look at your garden as work and if it IS becoming work then just simply eliminate the parts that are causing you to feel that way. Start simple and choose the one thing that is causing you to frown or your stomach to churn or your eyes to roll when you look at it. If it's a certain patch of flowers that get out of control, then decide you will get rid of it, whether you give it away, compost it or burn it, just get rid of it. I find being a gardening newbie that I've made a lot of mistakes in choices I've made for the gardens and amount of sun I have so the minute I find something is a nuissance for whatever reason, I get rid of it. Just today I wrote an email to a girl here in Woodstock who I met though garden web and told her I made a mistake with this plant and have 8 pots of it planted. I told her I need to get rid of it and did she want it otherwise it was getting composted. She agreed to give it a try and now that frustration is gone. A lot of gardening (esp. for newbies) is trial and error but even seasoned gardeners come up on some things that just don't grow right, look right or find the soil and conditions so pleasing that they become invasive even if they aren't supposed to be. If it bothers you, get it out. If you have too many unplanted items, give them away. If "less is more" then purge and keep only what is your favourite and then spend your extra time and money putting nice mulch around them to keep them looking groomed and weed-free. The more time you have to enjoy the garden and less time you spend hating it will gradually move you to a place in your head where getting down on your hands and knees isn't a chore any more but a "peaceful time" you can enjoy just as much as sitting in a chair with that glass of wine and looking over your gardens. Really...take the time to look around and make mental notes of what you like best and work with that, learn to enjoy the puttering in the garden and keep it simple so you don't feel that your gardens are stealing your precious time.

As for the laundry, vacuuming and all that jazz...well mine goes by the wayside in the summer too but that's ok. Being up here in Ontario doesn't give you all that long a period of warm sunny weather so I forgive myself for the laundry piles and just spend all the time I can outdoors :o) Nobody ever died cuz the laundry wasn't done ;o)

Barb
Southern Ontario, CANADA zone 6a

"I guess my one secret is that each day I try and and do at least one task that's maintenance (weed a small area, water plants in pots, etc.) and one that moves the garden forward - towards what I want it to be (build a stone wall, design a plant combination)."

Yes, I also try to do that too. If I didn't, I wouldn't make any progress at all.

Lots of helpful posts...thanks.

Adam

i have to admit, i have this problem.. i love plants so much that i cant throw them away :blush: i just plant them in a different spot! i need organization :)

Thank you! I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one who's garden isn't "finished." What happens is this...I plant something that the labels says should be 3 feet tall, and it grows to 5 feet. Then I have to move it somewhere else. Then another plant reseeds so readily that it overruns the garden. It seems like I'm always moving plants to get just the right look, only to move them again. Then the weeds get out of hand. And on it goes. But my happiest times are working in the garden, so maybe it won't be much fun when my garden's finally "finished."