what to do about bully rufous?
catwhiskas
18 years ago
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18 years agoalan_la
18 years agoRelated Discussions
Bullying, Self Esteem & Hypnosis
Comments (3)Apple, I have experience with hypnosis, and it does work for bullying, but it's very dependent on the therapist. I went to a hypnotist to recover from my abusive first husband. It worked almost immediately. It helped me to realize and taught my conscious and subconscious mind that I was viewing him as an overbearing parent and myself as a vulnerable child. So, when my daughter became the target for bullies in middle school and high school, I took her to a hypnotist. My original hypnotist was now retired. I believe it would have worked, but the second therapist didn't use the same strategy. Instead she targeted my daughter's nightmares and introduced relaxation techniques. It did help, and the panic attacks stopped. My daughter's self esteem issues and social awkwardness persisted despite hypnosis, changing schools, AND counseling----LOTS of counseling. My daughter is now in college, and she is better, but not back to normal... Never will be, in my opinion. You MUST take action. Girl bullying is subtle but deadly. I witnessed it, and it is shocking to see... my daughter's words never even came close to describing how horribly hurtful it was. The teachers perpetuated it.... Believe me.... Teachers know which kids are popular, and which kids are targets, and they participate, too. What has worked better than everything is involving my daughter in outside activities with completely different kids. My daughter went on a high school study abroad program for spring break with a neighboring high school, and that was great. I sent her for month-long summer high school programs on college campuses, including one in England to get her out of the toxic environment and to help form new peer groups. I sent her to Saturday morning modeling classes, which also helped. I know you are thinking these things are expensive, but bullying can ruin or kill your child, and counseling is expensive, too. Don't tolerate it, and take action. I wish you and your daughter the best....See MoreShould I contact the parents of the kid my son bullied?
Comments (12)Stephanie, I understand your confusion, and agree that it is not a true bully / victim situation. However, I really think that what my son did was over the line, and wanted to be sure he realized it, too. If they were playing out in the yard, I would have handled it differently, but there are different rules for the yard than for school, and he is old enough to save any roughhousing for after school. I don't know what, if any, punishment the other boy received, and truthfully, I'm not even sure it matters. Ds has never complained about "MJ", so what reason would the school have for punishing him? When the asst principal first talked to ds, ds only said that they were playing around - didn't mention the pencil-poking until later when he talked to dh. What I wanted ds to get out of this, is reinforcement of something he learned years ago with my niece. My boys and their friends all play rough with each other, and know not to expect any sympathy from me if they get bruised while wrestling or playing dodge ball. But when my niece would come over, ds would play with her the same as he plays with his friends, she would screech, and he would get in trouble (because she had made it clear that she was not interested in their games). Pretty soon she would screech whenever he came anywhere near her - I think just for the fun of getting him in trouble. So I told him, I know that she is overreacting, but I can't defend you if you have so much as touched her. So just stay clear of her, and then you'll never be in trouble. I know it isn't exactly fair that he has to walk on eggshells around her, but in life he'll find there are always a few people who don't play by the same rules he does, and I wanted him to be able to differentiate between who is "safe" and who is not. To me this is nearly the same situation - the school makes it clear that students are not to touch each other, but he did it anyway and paid the price. Yes, the other kid seems to have changed the rules between himself and ds midstream, which is unfortunate, but still, I really don't feel that I can defend ds' behavior here - he has to be responsible for what he does regardless of what anyone else did. Probably will not call "MJ"'s mom, though - your comments made me realize that there is really nothing I can say to improve what will be an uncomfortable situation. "MJ"'s mom will eventually see ds out playing with his friends enough to realize he is not a big bad bully :)...See MoreBrown Tabby is a bully
Comments (15)Figgy is still here and Im actually starting to like him again. In case anyoneâÂÂs interested - I started by keeping the 2 cats strictly separate unless I was there to monitor everything going on. When I went to work, went to bed, or was gone from the house more than a few minutes, one cat went into the hallway/basement and the other stayed in the apartment. Some days, I was gone pretty much all day then went straight to bed, so total time they were together and in my presence was a.m. and p.m. feedings, and thatâÂÂs it. I thought theyâÂÂd both be bothered by not having the run of the house and lonely by being kept separate, but I couldnâÂÂt have been more wrong. Within days, both cats seemed more relaxed as if it had been stressing them out to be together in close proximity 24/7. I was under the impression that if they were tired of each other, they could just go to opposite corners of the house and have all the alone time they wanted. But I guess like small children they are not capable of regulating themselves. Lately, IâÂÂve been experimenting with letting them be in the bedroom at night which they both love, the idea being that they could be together at night and I would wake up if one was being murdered again by the other. I donâÂÂt want to risk not hearing anything, which is what happened the night Orange got attacked and injured by Figgy. At first there was all kinds of shenanigans with Figgy trying to assert dominance over the whole bed. He could be purring nicely next to me and then get all bent out of shape because Orange dared to jump up and sit on the foot of the bed, way down at the other end. And the thing with guy cats is theyâÂÂre always wrassling and fussing even if theyâÂÂre getting along. Once I woke up with Orange a large 15 lb cat running lengthwise down my body running away from Figgy. Try to sleep with that going on. Orange snores like an old man - really loud. Any thrashing or fussing whatsoever and Figgy gets the boot out into the living room and the door closed. I operate from the assumption if thereâÂÂs a ruckus going on, its Figgy that caused it. I think he is actually coming around and coming to decide that he loves being in the bed too much to risk being evicted Last night they both actually slept quietly all night which is a first. Long term, I donâÂÂt know if IâÂÂll ever risk leaving them together for long periods of time such as when IâÂÂm gone on vacation or if thereâÂÂs the risk of Figgy getting hungry and wanting to be fed and no oneâÂÂs there to serve him. Sounds like a spouse abuser - get my dinner on the table woman or there will be h*ll to pay. Sheesh! Maybe put up some kind of screen door for these times so they can see each other and play through the door but not have actual contact. It was so awful to find all that blood on the floor - it just canâÂÂt happen again....See MoreIs my Stepdaughter a bully?
Comments (3)I would say NO maybe the target .... .... bullies pick on one target most of the time they don't socialize very well... so they themselves have little or no friends .... they wouldn't say they were sticking up for a friend ... the target is the one being mean to them the target is the one doing all the stuff... EX.... she kicked me ... he started it....they were talking about my mom.....they only do because they think benefits them. Makes them more noticiable ... popular but in a bad way. What you may be dealing with is a "clique" ... same but different ... kind of like the mean girls movie but a junior version.... the "popular" girl and her friends ... and your SD the "new kid in town" (outcasts) and her friends... "cliques" are usually social status the rich vs. poor(not the extremely poor just the not rich kids)... if that makes sense ... The Target... is usually shy, others would see them as strange or different from all the other kids. Has friends who are the same ... and probably think they would be the next target. Kind of tough to figure out ... no one is going to tell the "truth" you have to watch and see what really goes on ... but how can you monitor them at school really tough. But since you pointed it out to the teacher they might keep more of an eye out. Found this for you : hope it helps 7 Common Roles Girls Play in Cliques 1. The Queen Bee: Through a combination of charisma, force, money, looks, will and manipulation, this girl reigns supreme over the other girls and weakens their friendships with others, thereby strengthening her own power and influence. 2. The Side Kick: She notices everything about the Queen Bee, because she wants to be her. She will do everything the Queen Bee says. The Queen Bee, as her best friend, makes her feel popular and included. 3. The Floater: She has friends in different groups and can move freely among them. She has influence over other girls but doesn't use it to make them feel bad. 4. The Torn Bystander: She's constantly conflicted about doing the right thing and her allegiance to the clique. As a result, she's the one most likely to be caught in the middle of a conflict between two girls or two groups of girls. 5. The Pleaser/Wannabe/Messenger: She will do anything to be in the good graces of the Queen Bee and the Sidekick. When two powerful girls, or two powerful groups of girls, are in a fight, she is the go-between. However, the other girls eventually turn on her as well. She'll enthusiastically back them up no matter what. She can't tell the difference between what she wants and what the group wants. 6. The Banker: Girls trust her when she pumps them for information because it doesn't seem like gossip; instead, she does it in an innocent, "I'm trying to be your friend" way. This is the girl who sneaks under adult radar all the time because she can appear so cute and harmless. 7. The Target: She's the victim, set up by the other girls to be humiliated, made fun of, excluded. She can be part of a clique or outside the clique. Either way, she feels isolated and alone. Here is a link that might be useful: bully test...See Morecatwhiskas
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