Suggestions for a memorial garden please.

15 years ago

Well, I'm back from a short vacation, and am very happy to find that I still have quite a few daylilies blooming, but haven't had time to share pics or participate in the forum again yet as time just hasn't allowed.

I am working on an important project and decided I would ask for help from all of you as I have gotten so many wonderful recommendations for plants from this group in the past.

My father passed away unexpectedly three months ago, and as we are a very close family, it hit us very hard. As a memorial, all of his friends and family have gotten together and purchased a flag pole for my mother to fly his military flag from. We have just finished building the slab, and are having a pole raising ceremony this weekend. The location of the slab is such that we have to put some kind of short planting behind it, and as they are a true love of Mom's as well as my own, I decided that it would be the perfect spot for 4 or 5 daylilies. (I am absolutely certain that Dad is cringing knowing that he gave us an excuse to create one MORE garden!)

I want the garden to fit in with the memorial theme, so am looking for suggestions on DL's with names that will fit the theme. My father's name was Bill, and so Walking With Bill is a must. This means that I will have to stick with colors that go with cream/pink fairly well. I have no restrictions with regards to height or hardiness... I am more concerned with names and overall effect of the group.

Any suggestions that you can give would be greatly appreciated, and if you have photos to go with them I would love them. I will be ordering shortly, but plan to have printed pictures on stakes for the ceremony. It is the only part of the ceremony that will be a surprise to Mom, so it is important to me that it is just right.

Thanks so much in advance for any help you can give!

Julie

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Comments (6)

lorislines
15 years ago
Julie,
I'm sorry that I can't be much help with your memorial garden, but I felt compelled to write to you. I'm sorry for the loss of your father. I, too suffered a terrible loss 6 months ago when my mother passed away suddenly. This is one of the saddest and painful times in my life. Having just built a new home one year ago, my mother begged me to plant daylillies. (her favorite). Having only known ditch lillies, I researched and found so many beautiful ones. We started with just 10 in a small bed last summer. This year it's been a full time project as I am making a memorial to my Mom with the bed. We've added almost 50 new plants just this summer so it's been keeping me very busy. I also have a stained glass memorial plaque and small fountain. I wish you luck with your garden. It sounds like it will be beautiful. I pray it will bring you and your loved ones peaceful, fond memories of your Dad. Take care,
Lori
tweetypye
15 years ago
Julie, there is a Munson-Rice 2002 intro named "Just Plain Bill" that might fit in for you. There are several photos of it on Tinkers. I don't have it, but have wanted it for a while now. It's a beautiful dl.
I have a memorial bed in my Mom's honor also. I lost her in 1999 very suddenly also. My memorial bed for her is done in dl's with angel in the names as she loved angels. Also lots of religious named ones in there because she also loved God.....I also have a memorial plaque in it for her with an angel statue next to it.
Good luck finding the dl's you're looking for.
Jan
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Hi klc, I don't get to follow the forum much these days, but caught your thread. For some reason I had some thoughts pop into my head right away so (for what it's worth) I thought I should put them down. First, good points about putting movable pieces that you can take with you should you move. Perhaps a better description should be 'Memory Place' instead of 'memorial' for such a bright, lovely girl? Some place where you can come to sit, rest, remember good times and sometimes just come to tend the plants and just zen out. Even if I'm weeding, gardening is my zen time, but I also have plants that give me memories either because of their age, someone who gave them to me, or that I planted to remember someone. The second thought that popped into my head was color. The idea of a white climber is lovely, kind of like white clouds, but when I saw her picture I thought so much of bright, little girl colors which would look awesome against the white. I first thought of bright yellow, Henry Fonda. It is my favorite yellow HT because of the (NON-fading) color and it's slightly ruffled edges. It's not a fabulous smelly but in a small spot like that it will only take 2-3 of those to make the whole area fragrant. Golden Celbration is also a happy yellow for me because of it's cabbage form & fragrance although it fades a bit. You get my thought, bright, colors, especially that don't fade - maybe mix some bright and soft pinks, peaches for little girls rather than harsh reds. My next thought were surprise plants. Three years ago we purchased a mountain retirement home which was exciting among other things because the first spring was several months of continuous surprises from the first owner/gardener that gave me so much enjoyment and that I've never been able to grow down by the coast. Sooo, what I was thinking is this fall, plant several different kinds of bulbs that will come back in your zone to provide more bright colors throughout spring. Finally, top off with low-maintenance, bright perennials that will come back every spring, like coreopsis, gaillardia, black-eyed susans, salvia (mine came back after snow so it might there), etc. - whatever does well in your weather. Best wishes with your project, I hope it turns out as lovely as your niece!
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I would suggest an oak or a ginkgo. Oaks, depending on the species, can be tricky to garden under, but if that's not a factor.... There are several species, and cultivars, that would be good. Fall foliage can be variable, depending on the species as well as the conditions from the growing season. There are various cultivars of ginkgo, varying in size, shape of tree and shape of leaf. All turn yellow in the fall. While it may need some pruning in its youth, to give it a good shape, the major drawback is usually the slowness of its growth. It's not the slowest growing of the available trees, but it is slow, at least for the first few years. If you decide on a sweetgum, then I would strongly suggest ones that don't fruit - the gumballs are a royal, prickly pain, and can be dangerous when shot out from under a lawnmower. Their fall foliage is usually good - although it can vary from year to year. As Ken said, maples are especially hard to garden under, and are, as a group, much more prone to disease than other trees, but there is nothing prettier than a red maple in the spring, if only because they are one of the first trees to flower. The fall foliage is nice too. Sorry, I doubt this is helping you make a decision....
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I'm not sure where you are in central Texas, but I'm in New Braunfels, in my fourth year of butterfly gardening, and as most people will agree, it's a trial and error thing. I'm always digging up plants that don't work, and trying different ones. Some of my staples that I would not be without are... Pipevines- lots and lots of them, and you will be inundated with pipevine swallotails. Rue- I've had black swallowtails and Giant swallowtails lay eggs on the same plant. Milkweed- I get even numbers of both Queens and Monarchs on my wilkweed. Mexican sunflower (tithonia) attracts more hummingbirds and butterflies than any other flower in my garden (other than mistflower.) Greg's Mistflower- Queens will flock to it. I've counted more than 30 BF in my small patch at once. It does spread out and take over, so make sure to have room. Pentas- the pipevines especially love these for nectar. Buddleia- almost any variety There are many more in my garden, but these are must haves for me. Hope this helps, and good luck. It should be a good year, as we've finally gotten some rain
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I was going to suggest you try the Perennials Forum for suggestions, but I see you've already posted there. The only grass-like plant which comes to mind is Ophiopogon planiscapus 'Nigrescens', AKA Black Mondo Grass. I've only grown it in full sun, but it can supposedly handle part shade. Your zone is unknown, so I can't say it'll work for you. It's rated to zone 6.
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uroboros5
15 years ago
'Bill Norris' is spectacular sunshine in my garden, it's not expensive and it's easy to find. It's very tall, and a very large yellow. If you see it in a picture, it's just another yellow, but in the garden, it's amazing. I bought it in person in a daylily specialist's garden. It really stood out. If your father was a volunteer in the army, you may consider the classic red 'Red Volunteer.' There's a daylily called 'Celestial Army', or if your father was a "rock" you may consider 'Rock Solid.'

There is a lot you can do to honor his life.
rarejem
Original Author
15 years ago
Lori, Thank you for your kind words, and know that my heart and prayers go out to you as well. It is so hard to lose such a vital part of your life, and it is hard to remember the good times rather than getting lost in the sadness. Keeping busy is a balm, and you are fortunate that you have had a project to occupy your time this year that keeps your memory of your mother alive. I am sure that your garden will be lovely and you will have many peaceful hours in it that area remembering your times together. Staying busy is what I have been trying to do as well, and this memorial is the cumulation of three months of hard work trying to keep both hands and mind busy. And what more perfect place to find peace and remember the past than a garden...

Jan, Your suggestion is wonderful! I had not seen Just Plain Bill before, and it fits my dad's personality perfectly... not really much "plain" about it. It has moved to the top of my list. I haven't looked at prices, but this will be the first time in my life that I will be purchasing plants regardless of the cost. The garden that you have done for you mother sounds wonderful. You widened my thinking with your angel theme as well, although with Dad it would be an adventure theme. It is amazing how many people plant a garden as a memorial for a loved one...

Uroboros5--Thank you for the input as well.. you put another one at the top of my list. Rock Solid is beautiful, and it describes my father to a T. It is ironic that Red Volunteer is already planted in the garden to the left of the area that the flagpole is going up.

This is why I wanted to put the request out on the forum. It is so easy to get caught up in a closed minded box, especially when you are under stress. And everyone here has familiarity with different flowers and is so willing to share...

Thank you!

Julie
ladylovingdove
15 years ago
I have Rock Solid and just love it here, is my picture. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Staying busy is the key. I think this is a good start. Good luck.

Dot

{{gwi:661516}}
fairysoapgirl
15 years ago
If he was in the Navy, "Navy Blues".

Our Friend Bill
Dad's Dream
Daddy's Heart
Just For Dad
Magnificent Dad
Memories of Daddy
A Father's Love
My Father's Eyes
Memories Forever
Memories of Daddy
A Father's Love
Echo Of Love
Endless Love
Enduring Love
Grace, Peace and Love
Homemade Love
Long Live Love
My Love For You
Peace Be Still
Peace Beyond Understanding
Go in Peace

Hybridizers Emmerich, Reckamp and Bell all have a lot of daylilies with inspirational names.

A memorial garden is a beautiful idea...

Suggestions for a memorial garden please.

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lorislines

tweetypye

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Suggestions for a memorial garden please.

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lorislines

tweetypye

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