It gave me a chuckle, Janis. I've been messing with computers since 1966 when I took my first course in it, on the big mainframes at our local University. Took a couple more courses in programming down the road in the early seventies. I remember when everyone was WAITING FOR WANG! The vision for PCs was there much earlier than today's kids could imagine. I laughed at Lilo's Luddite comments. I am pretty darned close to one, but I don't cut my nose off to spite my face. I'm fine with technology if it fulfills a purpose for me and then I don't have any problems wrapping my mind around it. I have some really deep seated personal agendas when it comes to the disposable mindset, however. It really rubs me the wrong way to have perfectly good machines sent to the boneyards because the technology behind them has gone defunct. I guess because sometimes that technology doesn't necessarily do a job better. Before Skype, I used to use ICQ. I knew how to use TDY terminals to keep in touch with my deaf friends. I had a cable way back in 1970 twenty years before they became available here, and as soon as digital phones came down the block, I had one. I sat here counting the number of computers I've had over the last twenty years, and I think I am up to six PCs, my first one custom-built before they became available in box stores. However, I just bought my first laptop and had to ask my kids how to turn the danged thing off. LOL. I do know older people who refuse to learn anything electronic. It can bite them in the butt, it can. But, so much of the new stuff coming down the block are toys and expensive ones at that. Fine, if you have the time and money to play. My DD and I have speculated about whether my father would have gotten into computers had he lived past his 81st birthday. We both concluded that he'd have the best systems out there and have them figured out forward and backward.

Sigh ... I know what your problem is: THE FRAGRANCE But this one time when I'm going to say heck with the fine fragrance. Yes I said it. I'm guilty for pushing this rose like crack and it is one of the few enabling efforts that I'm truly sorry about. I murdered my Charles Darwin a couple of years ago and have never looked back. Frankly, there are better yellow Austins. BTW, this rose is not a diva. A true D-I-V-A, like Evelyn, performs when pampered and outshines other roses. This rose demands diva treatment and then gets sullen, failing miserably to get it up. He is a delicious smelling D-O-G. And you my dear Lady have been dogged by this man-rose. Why should you put with with THAT kind of treatment? Now go outside, get La Madame and exact some vengeance!

Yes we have right of first refusal but in the past it's been my word against his in court. He is notorious for lying under oath. He has been caught buy nothing has ever happened to him except embarrassment so they continue to do it. As far as school, I have exclusive right over education and BD has the right to be informed, speak to teachers, be at activities etc. The school already knows that and understand the situation so even though dad requests that when it's 'his' day he be notified first, the school feels it's easier to contact the custodial parent first. His days do not begin until school is dismissed and end when school resumes so during school hours that is technically my day. I opted not to fight this battle because I felt it was too much of a headache. So far I have no idea if the school has ever contacted him about anything and frankly as long as I am notified or kept in the loop -- if they make two phone calls that is A-Ok with me. I think they expected me to throw a tantrum over SM signing school work and were even more annoyed when I didn't. For them it's opposite of a normal parents feelings. I feel relieved when I don't hear anything from them. They get frustrated and strengthen their stance against me when I stay quiet. sm is notorious in the last 4 yrs for trying to provoke me in to flipping out so she can say SEE BM is nuts!! I haven't reacted to her openly in a long time and it gets her so worked up. Before, I would flip and shoot off my mouth and she would smile and laugh and basically pat herself on the back for pusing my buttons and proving to the world that I'm nuts... I've grown so much from that person I was when my divorce was so raw and I was still emotional and still 'learning' to cope... But it seems that they aren't happy or relieved that I am not that person anymore. They have this attitude that I took something away from them when BD lost rights and so now they are wanting to pay me back. I just don't even want to deal with it. I just want to get along. Let DD have a good time. I was going to offer that they could have DD for spring break even though it's my year. I also had planned to offer more weekends and some week time during the summer. I want to send an email to say I don't have any plans for these dates if you want DD in addition to what you already have. Even offering her bday weekend since they haven't had her in 3 yrs nor the yr before making that 4 yrs on her bday. I don't want anything in return. Even my attorney told me No don't do that because they may turn around and say I am pushing DD off on to them instead of spending my time with her. Ugh I just can't do anything right it seems ... Or come up with a plan to throw up my white flag without it biting me later on. I agree with you PO1 if dad isn't home -- DD just needs to stay with me. She does not feel comfortable with SM yet. She enjoys her step sister though but says SM treats them different. DD is told she is not allowed to attend any extra curricular activities while visiting them. Which I can understand. I won't argue with that because the last thing I want to do is to cart DD around on our weekends to activities that BD had signed her up for plus anything I might sign her up for. All activities DD is in are during the week and I won't allow them to interfere with his weekends. However while BD is working all weekend, DD has to sit through stepsisters gymnastics and soccer and wait around for girl scouts stuff. My question is why not put DD in those things so they can do them together. BD told me he pays enough in child support that he isn't going to pay hundreds of $'s a month for her activities too. Real winner huh? The thing with DD being alone with SM is that is when things happen. That is when she talks to DD about inappropriate things. But it's my word against hers or DDs word against hers and there isn't much they do except slap her on the hand. The therapist told BD and the courts he needs to be the one that is doing everything from pick ups to drop offs to spending one on one time with DD to build their relationship. He has yet to do that and DD tells the therapist there is no one on one time and therapist just sends a 'reminder'email to BD about his time and responsibilities. How Many times do you have to tell someone what their job is as a parent before they get it? I think that is why I feel like giving up. I just don't want to fight these things anymore because nothing will be done anyway so shouldn't I just let it go too? If I try to stand my ground and tell BD through email be a dad ... Do your job.. Be there for DD ... Your absence is hurting her... It becomes a pissing match... I don't feel like it. Am I giving up?? Is it ok for me to give up?? My mom's point is that we have fought for 3 yrs to keep these things from happening -- to make SM back down. And my point is -- at what cost? At who's expense? Mine! My families! My other child who needs more from me than what he gets because I'm constantly dealing with this. Going to court, going to therapists, writing emails, doing research, having conferences, paying money -- lots and lots of money... I hope I'm making myself clear-- I am not giving up on DD I'm just wanting to get along with her father and make peace. I'm not saying I was ever wrong for fighting in the courts. I'm not saying their points are right or wrong ... Just tired of nit picking. If DD came home with a serious problem.. I would do something but these little things, if I'm able to let them go, shouldn't I? Or should I keep telling the courts and telling the therapist 'well BD did it again or SM is asserting herself into our lives again.. SM is playing a power struggle again. And that is all it is so if I give up the struggle it doesn't mean they have won or she is now MOM it just means, she doesn't threaten me anymore. I'm not threatened by her taking my place. That used to upset me when DD was younger because I was single and struggling. BD and SM were living the life BD and I used to live. A happy little family, while it was just me and DD and I thought OMGosh it's going to be this way forever. They can provide more.. They have a house and DD is going to want that more than what I have to offer. They will be able to buy her and I won't be able to do that. Well... That is how I USED to feel. What I finally realized about 3 months ago is that SM underestimates my relationship with DD. She thinks that by making DD call her MOM then DD is going to forget that I am her MOM ... But what she failed to realize (and I think i did too) is that no matter what DD calls her, DD knows that I am her mom and the bond we share is not replaceable by anyone but me. I can ruin DDs faith in me but sm will never be able to take it away from me. I think once I realized how much DD is connected to me and not be hearing it from everyone else... But actually seeing it for myself, in relation to SM that is when she no longer was a threat to me in my mind... And I could finally let go of that power struggle. Does that make sense?

there is a certain amount of nomenclature in the cabinet world that is true. I used to itemize every thing on my quotes as the owner of my kitchen and bath store. I have grown tired of price matters most customers who want a written quote that will not come to meet me in person to chose a product and get a price. I will not give them the sizes of the cabinets on the quote or on the drawing. They put forth such little effort to meet me tells a lot. When a person will come to the store I am advised by everyone in the industry request a design fee to be paid up front after developing a relationship of trust with the consumer. If a person pays for a design fee they are entitled to all the breakdowns possible by all means. I know the lineal foot costs of all the cabinets I sell and can give a price range for most any cabinet I sell. I can say your cabinets should be between 10k-12k and be correct in the spread 95% of the time without ever designing the kitchen. The problem is no one wants to tell the truth on what they want to charge or what they want to pay both wanting the most profit or savings. If that game is played take the written quotes and designs from each person you consider purchasing from and see if the other will beat the writen price. You must have in writing what is included for all cabinets. You should have in writing all the options chosen wether the cost is shown or not before you buy. If you want to compare and save then I say you should take the time to do it in the office of the kitchen and bath store and they should be willing to take the time to do it with you. Instead of a million phone calls go to the office with an appointment and go over the options and print out prices of things you will consider. Then both parties are being serious with the other. A dealer does not want to revise your drawings endlessly without being confident they will get the sale. The more upfront both sides are the better it is.