Hi again. Further responses have given us more to think about. There won't be any reception after the couple return. Because we both have such large families, they are basically eloping (but graciously gave immediate family the option to join them) because they cannot afford the expense such a large reception would entail. Phoning the absent friends and relatives would mean calling almost 400 people, so everyone thought a mailed announcement would be much less time consuming. However, I can understand how some people feel that any type of formal announcement would appear to be a gift solicitation. My future DIL truly is a very sentimental young lady who has saved every card she has ever received since she was about 10 years old. She honestly hoped she could receive cards commemerating her MARRIAGE to my son, even if they could not invite our huge families to their wedding. But it has been pointed out that this is tacky or might not be possible without appearing like there is some ulterior motive. Well, I'll pass everything on to them and let the cards fall where they may, I guess. Thanks for all your input!

Dem~ I agree w/ the "perfect as possible" thing. That's why I worded it that way. I don't believe there is such a thing as a 100% perfect marriage. I would just like ours to be as close as it can be... I also don't really care what anybody else thinks as long as *we* are happy... That was just the "dreamer" coming out of me... LOL. I also see your point about the power struggle. I will not be here long enough to see how it will be when I'm in my 40's w/ kids. I know there is only so much of this I can take. I understand that withholding sex is probably not the right strategy, but when I came up w/ that idea, I was lost as to what to do next. Thank you for your kind words... I hope things work out too! Terri~ Again, I don't want to get into this discussion, b/c it really doesn't matter. I honestly don't know anything about the AA or Al-Anon meetings, this is truly my first time dealing w/ a drinker of any sort. I'm looking into this stuff though. Thanks for the info. I now have more to add to the story. I can't believe that our marriage is in such a downward spiral right now! Yesterday evening, around 6 pm, DH called me to tell me he was off work. We talked for about 30 mins. He told me while we were talking that he was sitting in his car waiting for everyone else to leave b/c his car was blocked in by everyone else's. He also said that the rest of the guys were sitting @ the job trailer drinking beer. I told him that I was very proud of him for coming to his car instead of sticking around w/ the other guys. Well, when we got ready to get off the phone, he said he was going to go talk w/ the guys & try to get them to move their cars. I knew when he said "talk w/ the guys" how my night would end up. I told him to just try not to sit there long or the temptation may be too much for him to handle & he agreed & said he wasn't going to drink anything. (NOTE: After I posted on the 9th, we talked/argued that night & he promised me that he wasn't going to drink for the rest of the time he was there - he would be coming home on the 12th (now that's changed, but that's a different story). Anyway, he promised, there was no coercion on my part, he did this all on his own.) Honestly, when he promised this, I didn't trust him, but thought surely he can make it thru 3 nights! NOPE, wrong again! Like I said, we got off the phone at approx. 6:30 pm & he didnt call me back until 11 pm! I havent felt good for the last few days, so I went to bed at about 8:30. I tried calling his cell phone, no answer. I tried again at 9, no answer. I finally called my sister, whose DH works for the same place, she said her DH had called her @ about 8 & was headed home. I was furious! Then, after I laid there, until about 10 pm, I started worrying. *My DH has told me about things being stolen from their jobsite. He said when they moved their camper, they had to argue w/ some guys who thought they, DH & coworkers, were in their spot. He said he thought for a minute that there was going to be a physical fight. He is also very anal now about locking his car, which he rarely worries about, b/c of the area theyre in.* So, I started worrying that, what if he had went home, but gotten jumped by a group of guys or something & was laying there bleeding to death & nobody knew! I know this sounds a little dramatic, but its happened (in the news), and Im also quite the worrier. So, needless to say, I was awake until that phone rang @ 11 pm. I was so mad, after I realized he was OK, b/c I thought it was very inconsiderate of him, knowing that I didnt feel well, knowing I had to work today & get up @ 5 am & also, breaking his promise... Yet again! That particular promise lasted 2 whole days. I told him how upset I was w/ him & that I thought he was being totally inconsiderate. He started making excuses for why he stayed & said that he didnt realize it was so late. I told him to quit making excuses, that he was a big boy & he did it b/c he wanted to & he was only worried about making himself happy & nothing & no one else. He then got belligerent w/ me, so I told him I had to go & hung up. He has called me several times today & tried to be/sound as sweet as possible. I have pretty much given him the cold shoulder. Im still not feeling the greatest & honestly, dont have the energy to argue w/ him or deal w/ this right now. He did say in one of our conversations that when he came home, we were going to work on getting his life straightened up. I want to believe this & see hope in this, but cant. Ive heard similar things so many times before & hes never completely followed thru w/ anything. Sometimes I start seeing that light at the end of the tunnel, only to later realize it was a train! He will go for a while, and then screw everything up in one night. Also, when he said, "when I come home", that just told me he is just putting it off, which means it will never get done. I honestly dont think I can help him. I think this is something he needs to do himself, but I will be beside him every step of the way if thats what it takes. And, again, Im doubtful that this will actually happen, but if hes actually willing to try, other than AA & AlAnon, what else can I do to help? Thanks in advance for any advice!

Hello, I haven't been on this website in a while since I finished building my home, but when I saw this post, I had to respond. I experienced the very same problem about 4 years ago. I live in the Phila. area and hired a local designer. She picked out great furniture pieces, fabrics for the upholstery and window coverings, and drew up great plans for my great room (family room, kitchen and breakfast area - furniture and window coverings). We then went shopping at the Marketplace Design Center and picked out all of the furniture, which was so much fun. Unfortunately, the total cost of everything I ordered was almost $68,000 plus delivery which was almost $1000 for everything. I loved everything we picked out and did not want to compromise on anything, but there was no way I was going to pay that much. I then did a little research and went to the 2 premier furniture stores in the area (Hendrixsons and Sheffields), both of which sold the very same pieces that I saw at the Marketplace Design Center; however, because they are very well known furniture stores that moved lots of furniture, they were able to get better pricing from the manufacturers I was interested in (Bausman, Guy Chaddock, Hancock & Moore, EJ Victor, Kravet, Henkel Harris, etc.). In addition, they did not charge for delivery. I ended up doing what you're proposing. I was frank with her and told her that by ordering the furniture from the furniture stores, I was saving over $20,000. She was shocked, but completely understood and frankly, was shocked at the pricing differential. I did purchase the window coverings from her, so as to cover her services (and this made sense because she measured everything already), but I ended up buying everything else from the 2 furniture stores. Finally, I had difficulties with a table I ordered from Guy Chaddock and I believe the furniture store was extremely helpful in getting my problem resolved. Most importantly, I was able to preserve my relationship with my designer and have used her again. Good luck!

So I guess I'm going to look at this a different way perhaps? If he's cheaper AND better but he's running behind schedule, well, that feels kinda like a fact of life. (you know the old saying "you can have faster, better or cheaper pick two out of three...") I might consider walking away if it's totally blowing your time frame out of the water and you're waiting weeks and weeks between reschedules but I probably wouldn't. What amazes me is that you want him to leave some other customers job unfinished so that he can start your job... insuring that he's going to be trying to split his time. Man, I'd give good money to have a cabinet guy (or any guy for that matter) that would stay until the project was done! I would consider it very rude if someone said to me, "Hey, I see mike is finishing tiling your shower but I'm next in line so what if he leaves your shower partially complete so he can come work on mine?" In fact, I think I'd be likely to give a very rude response back. Just my thoughts.