Ain't life funny? Cont'd

15 years ago

Hello Cottagers!

I'm so sorry for the delay in making this post. I started out to write an individual post to all of you but I have significant cognitive problems and writing is so difficult for me now. It was taking me hours to do it the way I wanted to. I do want to say thanks to each of you for your kind words and undying support. Everyone of you have meant so much to me over the years. Whether I am able to post here in the future or not I want you all to know that I will never forget you or the help, kindness and support, not to mention the belly laughs, that you have given me. Please continue to create beautiful gardens. By doing so you bring happiness to so many. I have so many pictures of so many of your gardens tucked away in my head and I will think of them and you as I go forward through what is bound to be one of the hardest times of my life.

Just suffice it to say that if there is a disorder of the spine that you can think of, I probably have it. I've been traveling from doctor to doctor for two years trying to find one that could help me and the search has been exhausted. I have too many problems, the surgeries are each very very long, the healing time even longer. It's also complicated by the fact that I have had a surgery in the past where the doctor used steel instruments to piece my spine back together instead of titanium and that makes it impossible to see whats really going on in there. The surgeons won't open me up unless they know exactly what it is that they will have to do when they get in there. The steel causes a terrible glare on the xrays and MRI's and Cat scans have been the way that they could visualize, even a little bit, all of the problems. In other words they could see what is wrong at each level of my spine but they can't tell how extensive the damage is. Therefor the possibility of further surgery is not there.

I'm going to cut this short because I'm not of a mind right now to write one of my gargantuan posts. I will add though, that things went from very bad to worse today. I went in for a scope of my throat because I have a constant cough and I was having trouble swallowing my food on occassion. The results are that I have cancer. I have a large mass on the back of my larynx (voice box) and some signs of cancer in my vocal cords. I'll see my ENT surgeon next week to see what the plan will be from here forward. This is the second time I've had cancer though they are different types.

I also found out that one of the meds I take for my back pain is causing the collagenous colitis that I suffer with. I have been on that med for over ten years. This is very bad. I will now have to depend on narcotics for pain relief. That scares the bejeebees out of me. My mind will surely go once I start that course of meds.

The other bad thing going on now is that the Rancher's mother was brought to the ER by ambulance from the nursing home today, while I was at the hospital. She is dying. I love her so dearly. I have been taking care of her and watching out for her interests for the past five years along with the Rancher. Oh my, I will miss her so.

Needless to say I'm on overload right now and I don't know when or if there will be any relief in the near future. Please pray for all of us.

MeMo

PS...for those that wanted to see pictures of my garden, I have some on my blog that were taken in the spring. I wouldn't dare post any pics of what my garden looks like now since I haven't weeded in over a month and I'm not likely to get to it any time soon. Sorry.

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Comments (40)

gldno1
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
MeMo, your post brought tears to my eyes...you have so much to deal with now. I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you and your family and praying for you all.

Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes, but we just have to accept it and go on.

Bless you.
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FlowerLady6
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
((((Dear Memo)))) ~ I am so sorry to hear all of your news. Tears are falling and love, prayers and healing vibes are being sent your way. Do keep us posted when you can.

You are loved and very special dear heart.

FlowerLady
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proudgm_03
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Memo I was so saddened to read your post. I have enjoyed your posts and pictures of your gardens since joining GW a year ago. May God give you the strength to get you through what lays ahead.
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lorna-organic
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I am glad you have family to help you through these bad times, Memo. I am sorry you have so many difficult and painful situations to deal with all at once. I think one of the most difficult things for a caregiver, which I think you are, is to cope with being able to accept and receive caregiving from others. Please remember that caregiving is an expression of love and consideration. You are deserving of receiving what you have so freely given. You have my respect and I have high regard for you, Memo. May you find blessings, both great and small, in each day.

Lorna
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Eduarda
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
MeMo, I'm lost for words at the moment, I really don't know what to say that could comfort you, cheer you up or make your pain go away. So I'm just sending big hugs from the other side of the world to you and your loved ones and hope that tomorrow will bring a light that will shine bright for all of you and ease all your pains and sorrows.

Eduarda
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aftermidnight Zone7b B.C. Canada
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
(((MeMo))) you've had so much to deal with in the past and now this, just know how much we all think of you and are rooting for you. You will be in my thoughts as each day passes, I am not a religious person but I do believe in the goodness of people, may you feel the love, support and comfort sent to you from all of us.

Annette
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dirt_yfingernails
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Oh Memo, your plate is so full right now. It is obvious you are a very loving person with a big heart. I am sorry you are going through so much. I am sending loving thoughts to your DMIL, DH and you along with some hefty prayers. And I will appreciate my garden with a whole different attitude.
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dirt_yfingernails
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
What is your blog address, by the way. And what part of Nebraska are you from? My son was out visiting his dad in western NE, should have left for home about 6 a.m. NE time. He's 22 and driving a nearly 20 year old car, alone. Mom's don't stop worrying.
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Nell Jean
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
My prayer is for comfort for you and your family and peace for your MIL. What a precious relationship you've had.

Do not fear narcotics for your pain. There is a difference in taking narcotics along with adjuntive medications of other types as indicated for relief of severe pain, and taking narcotics for -- other reasons. You can adjust to the dosage, you can be able to keep a clear head. Those who take narcotic pain meds for severe pain would not take them if the pain were suddenly taken away. Pain management is a specialty medical focus.

Thank you for what you mean to everyone here.

Nell
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michelle_zone4
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Memo, I'm saddened to hear of all the difficulites that you are experiencing. I will include you and your family in my prayers. I really admire your positive approach to giving up your garden. I'll have to keep that in mind when my day comes. Hugs to you!

Michelle
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mora
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I love you girl, take all of our strength with you in this battle and all our love with you to keep you strong when you need it,miracles really can happen, your bud, Martha
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BecR
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Will not forget you either, Memo. Please be strong, and also let others help. Love, Becky
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todancewithwolves
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Oh MeMo, I'm in tears. You've had way too many mud puddles in life. You are in my prayers and so is your dear Rancher's mother.

Love, hugs and kisses....Edna
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PattiOH
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Dearest MeMo, my heart is breaking to read of all that you are struggling with now. Thank you for letting us know what is happening. The hospital I work for has special prayer sessions for friends and family of the patients and staff. I will add you and your family to the hospital list and will certainly remember you in my own prayers as well. I know God will be sending you "rainbows" along with that rain. Watch for them!
Love and hugs,
Patti
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libbyshome
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Dear MeMo, if I could hold you hand through this computer monitor, I would. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I'm sure we will all be here to listen if you need.

With a gentle, caring hug

Libby
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lvtgrdn
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Memo,
I was one of the first ones to read your post about giving up the garden, but got teary, and couldn't think of what to say at the time. When I did reply, it was after you said you were going to post here, but before you did. Now, I'm finally getting to this one to reply to.

I just joined this forum In June, so I don't know you well. The others have expressed their sentiments well, and I am also sending thoughts and prayers your way. I hope you are able to get the side bed how you want it your body will cooperate. I also want to find out how to view your blog.

I live in southeast Nebraska. Are you in Nebraska, or is the NE for "northeast"?

I had mentioned in my other reply that the only fabric I have are jeans I've been saving to make a braided rag rug with. When I was a girl, my next door neighbor lady taught me how to make them, and I found the directions in a book. We'll see if I really get to it. LOL

Take care,
Sue
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Steveningen
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Dear MeMo,

I am so sorry to hear about all you've been going through. I'm sending you much love and healing thoughts. I'm sure that all of this does feel overwhelming. The only thing to do is take each day as it comes and know that we're all here for you.

Your friend,

Steven
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midnightsmum (Z4, ON)
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
MeMo - much love to you and your family. Your beloved Rancher must be beside himself with grief - I send hopeful thoughts for him, as well. Nell is right, do not fear what can help you - you won't turn into a raving lunatic!! My cousin, who was a registered nurse in her 1st life, believes in something called the healing touch. Not to get all New Age and funky on you, but like Chicken Soup, it couldn't hurt. Maybe there is someone local who is a practioner. At the very least, it would give you someone outside your circle as a touch-stone and sounding board.

You are in NS, right? If your provincial health care is like here in ON, you should be able to get help into your home, for help with housework, shopping, personal care for you. This would certainly relieve a lot of stress for both of you.

Stay strong.

Much love, Nancy.

Here is a link that might be useful: About Healing Touch
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remy_gw
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
MeMo,
Life just sucks sometimes. I wish I could give you a big hug.
I wouldn't worry about the narcotics either. I've taken some strong ones for pain after operations. I even had morphine. It didn't make me high, only killed the pain. If I had a lot though, I would fall asleep. (I couldn't figure why people would want to take the stuff for recreational use.) So I would try to figure how much I could take to kill pain without getting sleepy.

The link below is to MeMo's blog.
Remy

Here is a link that might be useful: MeMo's Blog
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Steveningen
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I had to post again and echo what everyone is saying about the narcotics. Potent stuff to be sure, MeMo, but you'll adjust. I also wanted to encourage you to discuss medical marijuana with your doctor. When my mother got cancer, this helped her a great deal. She was very reluctant to use it, but with her doctor's encouragement, she found it really helped her. Sure it was strange watching mom smoke a doobie, but that melted away and lifted our hearts when she scarfed down a decent meal and kept it down. The nausea from all the medications she was taking vanished. It really is something to consider.

I've been thinking about you all day and wanted to send another hug.

Steven
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georich5
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Dear Memo,
I'm so sorry to hear about your health. We seem to be as fragile as some of the flowers we grow. If you get too fatigued to check in teach "The Rancher" how to get here and give us updates. I've missed hearing from you this summer and hope the meds do their stuff.

Take care and know we're thinking about you.

Hugs,
georgeanne
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midnightsmum (Z4, ON)
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Steven - you're right - I forgot about medical marijuana. If you don't want to smoke, you can make 'herb butter' and have it on toast, or whatever. This helped a friend of mine through cancer and chemo, to keep her appetite up.

Nancy.
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lorna-organic
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Memo, I am a Reiki Master, which is a Japanese form of healing touch. Reiki can be sent long distance through visualization, it does not literally require hands-on. I must ask permission before sending Reiki to anyone. I would be happy to send Reiki to you, if you give me the okay. I practice Reiki as a gift. My teacher did not charge money for teaching me, she simply specified that I give the gift freely as she had.

Sometimes healing is as uncomfortable as being ill. It is necessary to have faith and the will to persevere.

Lorna
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memo3
Original Author
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Oh dang it! Now you guys have me crying and I'm becoming a big gloppy mess. Ha! Thanks for all of the hugs, prayers and encouraging words and thoughts. I can feel your love wrapping it's arms around me and I needed that today, so thank you much. I appreciate all of the adjunctive care suggestions too. For now I am just going to do what my doctors tell me to but I'll keep your suggestions in my mind in case I need them later.

I saw my GP today. I received the operative report before she did. She was really shocked and upset at the outcome. She cried. I love my doctor, she has gone every extra mile for me.

I had numerous med changes this week by the various doctors that I see now. Something was terribly wrong with the changes and I was so dizzy when I went to see her this morning that I could barely walk holding onto the wall and the Rancher. She nixed every change and told me to go back to my old scripts. At least they didn't make me feel sick to my stomach etc.. I wonder how long it will take the stuff in my system go away? I slept some this afternoon while the Rancher and Ethan, my grandson(4), went to bale some hay. I was still dizzy when I got up. Makes me feel nauseous. Blech.

We have to take Ethan home on Sunday. My older daughter is scheduled to have her labor induced early that morning. We should have a new member in the family by Sunday afternoon!! I had planned to stay on a couple weeks to help with housekeeping and laundry (and to kiss the fat cheeks off that baby) but now I'll need to be back by Wednesday.

I will have another scope done by the ENT surgeon on Wednesday and the following Monday they will do the biopsies and whatever other preliminary tests are needed to get the numbers for my rickter scale (stage ?). I guess I'll be going back and forth to Sioux Falls a lot this fall and maybe winter. Eh...at least they have a Walmart there ;)

MeMo
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keesha2006
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
huge hugs and lots of cottage love!!!
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todancewithwolves
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
A new baby!!!!! How wonderful!!! What a blessing :-)

MeMo, just get yourself some good marijuana *lol* that should do the trick.

Honestly, I think of you everyday and I so pray for a miracle.

Edna
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User
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I am just seeing this post. My heart goes out to you. I will keep you in my thoughts ...you are so special to so many. c
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DYH
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I'm just now seeing this, too. You'll be in my daily prayers. What a blessing to have a new grandchild...maybe already today?

Lots of hugs and good thoughts for you and your family.

Cameron
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kirstenward
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Oh gosh. I'm pretty new around here, although I have been lurking for a long time. Still, this has me in tears. MeMo, I am sending healing thoughts to you and your family. I hope you got to see your beautiful new grandbaby for a few days and it gave you strength to face what lies before you.
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zigzag
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Oh, Memo, you're bringing us all out of the woodwork!

I've mostly lurked, sometimes mouthed off, here and have a horrible memory for who's who ..... but, I do remember you and so many of your wonderful postings and beautiful pics.

Thank you for sharing your situation, and I do hope you'll continue to post for as long as is tolerable for you. Please include me in your legion of Flower Power Troops - you're in my thoughts and prayers.
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memo3
Original Author
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Just a quick little update while I'm over here tonight.

I've seen an ENT surgeon and a Head and Neck Cancer specialist over this past week. All three (including the one that first found the tumor) are in disagreement over what it is. We have decided to go with the Cancer doctor. The Rancher has a niece that is a PA. She recommended this doctor and has worked closely with him for several years. She arranged the appointment overnight for us and we are very grateful to her for that. The cancer doctor said he has seen this before and he feels it is possible that it is simply a spot that is there due to some kind of continuous irritation. Making it a precancerous growth vs. a cancer. So he put me on a nasal spray and doubled the dose of my stomach medication to see if we can reduce the possible irritation. I will return to see him on the 9th of September. If the growth isn't smaller or gone he will move forward with a biopsy. I feel a little better and at ease on one hand because I would love it if this nightmare just went away. On the other hand I am a little worried that if it turns out to be a true cancer, we have just wasted four weeks where there is no treatment going on.

The ENT that I saw said there was nothing there except a little discoloration on my vocal cords. So I checked in with my regular GP about that answer. She said it would be impossible for it to disappear overnight (literally). Also the other two doctors said that my vocal cords appeared to be fine. Well, that'll leave your head spinning with questions. LOL!

I'll let you know what happens after the appointment on the 9th.

Hugs,
MeMo

PS...welcome to the forum ex-lurkers! We're glad you're here. Thank you for your very kind words.
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FlowerLady6
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Dear Memo ~ Hugs and prayers for the thing to disappear. do keep us posted, you are special to us.

FlowerLady
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aftermidnight Zone7b B.C. Canada
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
(((MeMo))), hope all the news is good from here on in, Flower is right you are very special to us.

Annette
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lorna-organic
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
How aggravating to have so many conflicting opinions as to what is going on. At least the doctor you have some faith in says he has seen it before. That is hopeful! Many blessings, Memo!!

Lorna
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Steveningen
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I'm so glad you posted an update, MeMo. I've been thinking about you. It must be confusing to be getting conflicting opinions on all of this. Under the circumstances, maybe it would ease your mind to get the oncologists to agree to see you before September 9th to check the progress of their recommended treatment.

I hope you are feeling better being back on your regular meds. I felt so badly for you that you had such a bad reaction to your new scripts.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

Steven
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fammsimm
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I'm catching up on posts, so forgive me for not responding sooner.

Sending positive healing thoughts your way. I know this is a difficult time for you and your family but please know that we are all here for you!

Marilyn
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natvtxn
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Remember, girl, you are always in my prayers.
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slubberdegulion
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Good grief! I miss everything. So sorry to hear about your troubles, it really puts things into perspective. I'll also be keeping you in my thoughts.

kent
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squirrel_girl
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Memo,
I'll be thinking of you, your family, and your new grandson. It sounds like you have a good team of professionals able to give you lots of options for treatment. There are so many things that can cause irritation/marks on the vocal folds. I'm glad that you are taking steps to treat them. If it does not respond to treatment, laryngeal cancer caught early is highly treatable. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this. I hope the distraction of a new grandchild will ease your worries.

Wishing you perfect health and lots of joy with your family.

Squirrel_girl
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sierra_z2b
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Oh my, I too am so sorry to hear about all your troubles.
Wishing you good health and happiness for your future.

Sierra
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