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Ain't life funny? Cont'd

15 years ago

Hello Cottagers!

I'm so sorry for the delay in making this post. I started out to write an individual post to all of you but I have significant cognitive problems and writing is so difficult for me now. It was taking me hours to do it the way I wanted to. I do want to say thanks to each of you for your kind words and undying support. Everyone of you have meant so much to me over the years. Whether I am able to post here in the future or not I want you all to know that I will never forget you or the help, kindness and support, not to mention the belly laughs, that you have given me. Please continue to create beautiful gardens. By doing so you bring happiness to so many. I have so many pictures of so many of your gardens tucked away in my head and I will think of them and you as I go forward through what is bound to be one of the hardest times of my life.

Just suffice it to say that if there is a disorder of the spine that you can think of, I probably have it. I've been traveling from doctor to doctor for two years trying to find one that could help me and the search has been exhausted. I have too many problems, the surgeries are each very very long, the healing time even longer. It's also complicated by the fact that I have had a surgery in the past where the doctor used steel instruments to piece my spine back together instead of titanium and that makes it impossible to see whats really going on in there. The surgeons won't open me up unless they know exactly what it is that they will have to do when they get in there. The steel causes a terrible glare on the xrays and MRI's and Cat scans have been the way that they could visualize, even a little bit, all of the problems. In other words they could see what is wrong at each level of my spine but they can't tell how extensive the damage is. Therefor the possibility of further surgery is not there.

I'm going to cut this short because I'm not of a mind right now to write one of my gargantuan posts. I will add though, that things went from very bad to worse today. I went in for a scope of my throat because I have a constant cough and I was having trouble swallowing my food on occassion. The results are that I have cancer. I have a large mass on the back of my larynx (voice box) and some signs of cancer in my vocal cords. I'll see my ENT surgeon next week to see what the plan will be from here forward. This is the second time I've had cancer though they are different types.

I also found out that one of the meds I take for my back pain is causing the collagenous colitis that I suffer with. I have been on that med for over ten years. This is very bad. I will now have to depend on narcotics for pain relief. That scares the bejeebees out of me. My mind will surely go once I start that course of meds.

The other bad thing going on now is that the Rancher's mother was brought to the ER by ambulance from the nursing home today, while I was at the hospital. She is dying. I love her so dearly. I have been taking care of her and watching out for her interests for the past five years along with the Rancher. Oh my, I will miss her so.

Needless to say I'm on overload right now and I don't know when or if there will be any relief in the near future. Please pray for all of us.


PS...for those that wanted to see pictures of my garden, I have some on my blog that were taken in the spring. I wouldn't dare post any pics of what my garden looks like now since I haven't weeded in over a month and I'm not likely to get to it any time soon. Sorry.

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