Somebody sure went to a lot of trouble on that one...

brilliant..

can i recommend to cuz eddy .... tree of heaven ... most likely it will be as close to reading the good book and going to services .. that he will ever get ...

and i was expecting .. that he planted pokeweed and bella donna around the kids sand area.. since both are completely invasive .. since birds apparently seem to enjoy the diuretic effects of eating their berries .. and poisonous in toto ... though one might say ... fast growing and simply gorgeous .. with their deep purple berries ...

brilliant .. how did you come to have so much free time for this parody..

i am going to have a hard time.. not coming back every few hours.. to add things.. lol ...

ken

They really like their Dawn Redwood.

Where are they putting the double-wide?

What, no privet?
Probably need to work some running bamboo into the plan, somewhere.

As well as help support the power lines...lol

Hey I have a Dawn Redwood (or five) on my lot!

:-)

Will they bare root all the trees in July during the annual 110F heat wave with 0% humidity???

Don't forget to plant a good supply of mulberries, mt. ash, crabapple, and other fruiting plants attractive to birds somewhere in the back yard, close to the patio furniture and ideally, install a good old fashioned clothes line there to dry the laundry.

I don't see a water feature (septic doesn't count!). This plan screams for a cement reproduction of the Manneken Pis.

You all can laugh, but tomorrow I will take a pic of a new house less than 500 ft. away. There is a bank on the side of the road under the wires, where she planted those "Miracle" fast growing Poplar hybrids on one side of the lawn, and a row of Green giants on the other, both under the wires. Since they are growing on a bank under the wires, they were almost ducking under the wires to plant them. The Poplars, now 3 yrs old, are growing into the telephone wires, in another year they will reach the power lines. Watch this space tomorrow.

Oh, one of the Poplars is that Lombardy Poplar thing that grows horribly in Zone 6. When I lived in Z-4, Lombardy Poplars made a decent tree, living more than the 10 years they do around here.

Where's the freakin ' dog kennel? I don't think it's too much to ask for a kennel for the hounds...like under one of those great shade trees, like that Bradford pear maybe.

Can't do it - the breeze from the kenneled dogs wagging their tails could create a catastrophic Bradford Pear failure.

Dzitm - the local power company will eventually come along with their cherry picker and industrial chipper and remove a good top third of those babies. Arrivedirci Lombardy! Valete Arborvitae!

This is the pic. The thing I remembered as a Lombardy is not, it is another "miracle", fast growing poplar of some kind. The other poplars were planted the other side of the tall ones, with one on this side too. The house is 4 years old, the first trees are 3.

I understand her problem. She wants a shield when the cars turn left from Hokes Rd. I spoke to her when she planted the Arborvitaes. Since there is a bank, I recommended shrubs because they are already 2 ft. tall at ground level. I'm not sure where she found her "miracle" trees, must be mail order.

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{{gwi:366545}}

Oh my. The first thing I thought of was Cousin Itt (were the Munsters related to the Addams?)-just put hats on those little guys!

Where's the freakin ' dog kennel? I don't think it's too much to ask for a kennel for the hounds...like under one of those great shade trees, like that Bradford pear maybe. Can't do it - the breeze from the kenneled dogs wagging their tails could create a catastrophic Bradford Pear failure. Too funny. This whole thread is a riot.

That is hilarious planning.

I think a sycamore would look better in that location though ;)

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But where's the house in relation to the cornfield? Isn't the corn enough of a buffer? You know, "knee high by the 4th of July" and all that.

House is to the left in the photos, lisanti. The corn is east and north of her house. The trees are to screen from Hokes Rd. Her house was built at a "T", with Hokes being the stem.

The house is behind 2 maples, 2 Bradford pears, and a flowering Cherry of some kind. (Maple, Pear, Cherry, Pear, Maple) 5 trees along the front of the house, about 15 ft. apart. They are sited about 10 ft. from the porch. She told me her friend Ken from Michigan assured her that 10 ft was enough space to leave for the 2 Red Maples (Autumn Splendor or some such cultivar.)

You're kidding about the maples and the pears, aren't you? Aren't you? Please say you are.

Some of the reds can grow to 90 feet. Not to worry - they'll just push the house out of the way. Or the Bradfords will give them plenty of room in a fit of sudden disintegration.

Dog Kennel, cuz'n D? Nah.
You'd chain ol' Rover to one of the trees, so you could get a nice moonscape, replete with craters, all the way out to the end of the chain, and a metal 55-gal drum with one end cut out for a 'doghouse'.
Need to work some kudzu and Japanese honeysuckle into the plan somewhere...

She told me her friend Ken from Michigan assured her that 10 ft was enough space to leave for the 2 Red Maples (Autumn Splendor or some such cultivar.)

==>> yeah dzit.. it was me ..

IN ANOTHER LIFE.. lol

ken

Yes, she really planted 5 trees across the front of the house. Since the house is about 30 to 40 ft. across the front, and there are 4 spaces between the trees, I'm estimating 10 ft. between the trees and the same distance to the house. So although Toronado might have started this thread with tongue planted firmly in cheek, I have a front row seat to this slow moving train wreck.

When she planted the "hedge" along the road, I stopped one evening when she was at the mailbox. I tried to impress upon her that the trees would soon be in the wires, and offered free advice. She politely listened, declined my offer of help, and about a month later the front of the house was 'landscaped'. Such a waste of money.

I'll see if I can get the trees into a shot without photographing her home. I really don't want to post a pic of somebody's house w/o their permission.

I hope that she has a platinum account with the gutter cleaning guys, with 5 trees within 15 feet of the house. Jeez.