Move in our future? What about my ponds?

16 years ago

My mil lost her husband suddenly last September. He was not terribly old and it was a shock that my husband and his family is still dealing with. The thing is that their house is a little over a mile away and DH is trying to be a buffer for his mom while dealing with his own issues.

Her house is about 2700 sq. ft. and is on 2.5 acres. It is too much for her, and we all knew it would be from the start, but everyone hates to sell it to a stranger because they all built it with their own hands, neighborhood barn-raising style. So, hubby is considering selling our house (it's paid off) and just giving her the proceeds to purchase her place(also no mortgage on hers) so she can find whatever suits her, elsewhere. I have no problem with that.

The deal is, what will happen to my ponds? They are both in front of the house. Will the new people want them? I know that depends entirely on the individual, but what if we take them out, and it turns into a mistake? Is it advisable to leave them in, with the promise to remove them if the buyers desire? I'm certainly not leaving my prize (to me) bf koi. I'm not as attached to my regular koi, and I could consider leaving them if the new people want them. They are in a cattle trough sunk into the ground, which could easily be removed, to make a fire pit, instead.

We all have things we would do differently if we had the option, and this could be a golden one. Still, I hate to part with my ponds.

Forgive this vent. This just came up over lunch today and it is churning around in my head. Thanks for reading.

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Comments (10)

maryhm
16 years ago
You should talk to a real estate agent. They will tell you if it would be easier to sell a house in your area with the ponds removed or to give the buyer the option of keeping them or having them removed. Hang in there!
magdaloonie
16 years ago
Mary's right. A local realtor (try to get a recommendation) could help. Probably it'll be a good selling feature. It is in New Mexico. Another thing comes to mind, though. Will you be driving by and see if they are neglecting the ponds? If it were me, that would be heartbreaking! I'd be ready to pull everything out if a buyer didn't show real enthusiasm. But then again, I might be a tad controlling...
Still, it is a kind thing to keep your m-i-l's house in the family and a grand opportunity for your bigger, better pond.
Good luck to you!
Vanessa
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Realitykraft, one line in your post has me concerned: "She treats the woman who lives with her almost like a servant even though she is actually a friend." Makes me wonder how she'll treat YOU! My Mother lived with us for just over 12 years; we went from a joyful Mom, full of wit and humour to a Mom who barely recognizes me now. We just placed her in a nursing home because it became impossible for me to leave the house or get thru a full nights' sleep, as she needed bathroom care each time she used it. (which became often) I don't want to discourage you, but you're so young, you will have a new marriage with its own inherent adjustment time and having your MIL move in with you will add stress to the mix you'd never anticipate. IF this is the only solution, then the absolute FIRST thing to do is get Power of Attorney for her health! If a snap decision is to be made on her behalf, then you or your DH must be able to make those decisions for her. Secondly, you must get home-care in each day to attend to her daily needs, shower her or assist her (or BE THERE if she falls), take her for a walk, etc, etc. Also, get her assessed for dementia; if that's starting, yes the "fun" has just begun. She may require additional meds, or even a physiotherapist to assess your apt (no loose rugs, handrails in the shower, etc). They merely make suggestions, so don't worry about that, it's just for your own peace of mind. Also: you must allow her a piece or two of her favourite furniture, likely a chair she usually sits in at home, into your apartment. It probably won't "fit" with your decor, but even in the nursing home, each resident has their own rocker/recliner/glider brought in from home. This really helps. If her bedroom is large enough to accommodate it, then place it there for her to watch her own tv shows. I know she'll have new bedding and linens, but her own pillow is important, and a blanket she's familiar with. Also her own pictures from her bedroom at home, or chatchkis, or photos for her walls. The transition shouldn't be a shock to her...it should be made gently. Once again, I imagine she'll be alone in the apartment during the day...does she like to read (large print magazines, books, perhaps would help), does she knit or have a craft to occupy her time? My Mom loved those word-search books while watching tv, or even doing a puzzle with larger pieces, like 24 count-puzzles, etc. If she has dementia, she'll need a care-giver or even meals-on-wheels for her lunch time. This will be a big responsibility for you and your new DH. Sometimes siblings drop from sight, thinking she's cared for and they can neglect seeing her as often. Negotiate visits so they start right away. Make sure her friends keep in touch by phone or visits. You WILL turn into a chauffeur for all her appointments. If we haven't discouraged you, and you plan to go ahead with the move, then all the very best to the three of you! There will be good and bad times, and you will instantly have a "child" to care for. Take our advice: we've all been there/done that, or are still caring for someone we love. Move slowly, but get assistance in place immediately, esp POA for her health. You don't need to call everyone and negotiate treatment for her if it's an emergency, right? Take care, and remember we're here when you need us! Blessings Linda
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Ann_in_Houston
Original Author
16 years ago
Thanks for your interest in my premature vent. I mentioned the conversation to him again and he remarked that we don't know that we will go that route. It's just a thought. There are things that I like and things I don't like about the idea. I'm intimidated at the idea of being responsible for the "HOUSE". It's like a living thing; a member of the family. I'm not domestic at all. It promises to be a real thorn in our sides.
sleeplessinftwayne
16 years ago
Moving after you have invested so much other than just money is a wrenching situation. I had to leave a prize winning woodland garden behind at one house and then found out the new owner had put geraniums in it. I was sick about it. Finally I realized you just can't go back. NO one is ever going to think the same way you do. It sounds like there is a lot to think about.
When we moved from Wisconsin I moved a lot of my garden in 30 gallon pots I collected free from a local nursery. Enough was left behind to delight the new owners who had always lived in apartments. You might just move the ponds to the new house. Sandy
yardgirl78
16 years ago
I moved a year ago and was determined to move my pond with me. Before we started showing the house I purchased and 8ft. above ground pool from WalMart and moved my fish there, with the original pond water and plants. They remained in the pool on my patio until we moved months later, which they then were transported in large ice chests and back into the pool at my new home until I could build their new pond a few months later. They did wonderful with the transition !...as far as the showing of our home, we filled the hole in with a load of dirt and seeded it with grass. The buyers were very understanding and never had the chance to see it with the beautiful pond in place, so they didn't know what they were missing. I would do it again, too, if I ever moved. I have had some of my koi for over 10 years and would never have been able to sleep knowing that I left them there in hopes that the new owners would take care of them...hope this help ! Take your fish with you. It can be put in the contract before you even start selling your home. (I also had a huge list of plants that the buyers knew I would be taking as well). Its worth it !
txgdnr
16 years ago
When we made the move to our current house 14 years ago, I did a similar thing as yardgirl. I didn't have a lot of fish, goldies & 3 Koi, but I put them in a very large Plastic tub along with my plants. They made the move fine. I could never move & leave my pets behind. I also moved a large majority of a special plant collection.
Good Luck
Dianne
Deborah Harvey
16 years ago
As far as worrying about moving/selling and it being a help/hinderance in the sale, speaking from experience...just make sure your realtor knows about the pond(s) and you should have no problems.

I just moved half way across the country into a home where the previous owners "forgot" to mention the fish pond to their realtor...They moved out the end of July'07 and we didn't buy the property until February'08...those poor fish were left to fend for themselves. I am truly amazed that they survived the record breaking snowfall and long Michigan winter.
The pond was so heavily covered with snow & ice and overgrown shrubbery that we never knew it was there until our son stepped in it over Easter...and it sits right off of the front porch!!
It's hard to believe someone could be so callous. I don't know anything about ponds but I am learning quickly as I am determined not to let anything happen to these 6 little "survivors".
asun1
16 years ago
Ann,

I live in Houston. I sold a house about 1 year ago, in Cypress area, with a 350 Gal pond in the backyard. I thought the pond would be a problem when selling, but suprisingly every one who looked at the house loved it. It was not much of a spectacle either.

We did take our fish with us when we moved. That was a chore, as it took us about 10 months to really complete our new pond...we had so much to do at the new house. One thing I would have loved when I moved, was a place to keep my fish, in an established pond. We ended up keeping ours in a preform above ground, and if you have ever dealt with preforms, you know that is risky. It actually held up the entire time, but I think we were just lucky. If you do move, and want to keep your fish, post a message here. I have 2 ponds, one of which is simply a holding tank for sick and new fish. I would be happy to hold your fish temporarily during the move.

Amanda
Ann_in_Houston
Original Author
15 years ago
asun1,
I'm sorry I just now saw your very sweet response. I have quite a few fish, but I have a quarantine tank that can keep a few of them, and we would likely get some more of that kind of tank. I really appreciate your offer, and will save the post, just in case. I would only ask you to keep a few of them. There are many little goldies I would just give away before the move.
Thanks, again
Ann
sleeplessinftwayne
15 years ago
Ponders are nice people. Sandy

Move in our future? What about my ponds?

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