Its probably just a pipe dream, but here it goes. WeÂve been talking and dreaming about buying a house ever since the hullabaloo began with the boys next door. They smoke (putting out cigarettes on our brand-new-paid-for-out-of-our-pockets swing and throw the butts all of the walkway and yard), party way too loud and generally disrupt our lives in very disrespectful ways. Plus, we get robbed once a year when the kids let out for school and are totally bored. I also miss my gardens that I canÂt have because the yard guy cuts down my beautiesÂand and and and and the list goes on.

The two sides of the camp are, Ed wants to live in some suburb that is at least a thirty minute drive away from where I work so that we can get a bigger, nicer house for a smaller amount of money. I, on the other hand, would love to NEVER ever commute again, would pay dearly to stay where I am and have LF go to the best schools in Nashville. No compromise could be found. To top it all off, we ruined our credit a few years ago. Admittedly, weÂve been working on getting it straight for at least 18 months now (evidently it worked). Ed took it upon himself to ask about a house loan while at the bank one day a few weeks ago. We fought about it pretty hard because I really wanted to wait until the first of 2008 so that weÂd ironed out some of the wrinkles (like getting debt free, yes, weÂre that close again) and he didn't talk to me before he did it. I finally calmed down, did the math (including the taxes and insurance) and figured out we could afford a $XX house. IÂd decided that was my compromise. Talking to Ed, I agreed that I would move (even as early as tomorrow) if he could: A) find a house close to where we already lived, B) it was $X or less (but we could go higher if needed, IÂd just be happier if it was less), and C) did the legwork. Amazingly, the loan officer called and said that was the amount we were approved for a $XX, the exact amount I thought we could handle. I took it to be a sign.

Last week, Ed was driving LF to camp through a territory close to work and saw a house for auction. He wanted to go badly. I encouraged him to go, warning, "You donÂt get to pay more than $XX". It sold for $X+70,000. BUT... he talked to the loan officer about what we could do since he's getting anxious, telling him we wanted a house that someone was dying to unload, could even be in bad shape (remember, we can do electricity (brother), plumbing (Ed), carpentry (Ed), carpeting (brother in law), landscaping (Robin)), but needed to be over on this side of town. The loan officer said he knew of a house in our price range, exactly as we described.

We went to see the house all together after work last evening. When I met up with LF I told him what we'd been talking about, telling him it wasn't real, more like pretend playing and if he had a house what would like for it to be. He wanted a tree house and a club house. All boy. I told him I envisioned a covered back patio which attached the kitchen on the back of the house. I didn't tell him, I also envisioned a sunken patio that was also in the back yard because it was just plain weird. I couldn't explain why I thought it or have ever wanted something like that.

It is in bad shape. You can tell no one has been there in a very long time. It is overgrown with shrubs and vines. There are cracks in the glass on the windows. Every window has a covering pulled completely down. The garage is filled to the ceiling with an old Cadillac sitting on flat tires, cases of bottles, junk in general. This appraisal site says Davidson County appraises its current worth at $XXX. I imagine we can get it for $XX if there's nothing too wrong with it. We can promise to take it as is for less and they won't have the headache, and we'll get to finish it like we want.

When we rounded the back of the house, there was a screened in porch, covered with a roof, attached to the back door. How much you wanna bet it's the door to the kitchen? And, it had a smaller patio right next to it, with a 1 1/2 foot high wall around it. Not sunken, but felt that way. I was dumbfounded, but pleased to see that it fits even my imaginary ideas of what it should be. And it's on a road that has Robin in its name. Wonder what that means? It's all coming together, I hope!

I'm really making an effort to look at things half full than half empty. Jimmy and I are that way naturally but it's more of a conscience choice than before due to the hole in our hearts. I've often described us as light-hearted people with heavy hearts. As contradictory as that sounds, it's fitting.

So, with that in mind, sometimes it all just comes together regardless of what it looks like. Take gardening for instance. When I get compliments on having a green thumb, I always tell people that I've had more failures than successes and that successful gardening is mainly about trying over and over. This year I planted about 600 plants even though 1/3 of them are Impatiens. 90% of my perennials have decided not to bloom at all. I keep reminding myself of that rhyme: 1st year they weep, 2nd year they creep, 3rd year you reap. Instead of being sad when I see the lack of blooms since I hand water daily, I practice the common name, Latin name and variety as I convince myself that I'll see it's beauty next year. At least they took, I remind myself. So..."it's all coming together".

I too am feeling pretty puffed(Oh, I do like that phrase and am borrowing it)about my efforts the last two days with my porch. I demo-ed all the old screening and slats in less time that it took for Jimmy to fetch new at Home Depot. His eyes were big with my accomplishment when he pulled into the driveway so, I of course, displayed the muscle man biceps pose in agreement. ;o)
We both double coated the unpainted wood framing with Kilz and cursed like sailors as we also removed at least 200 rusty, stubborn staples. I do get fussy when I have to push the limits of my right hand since it's arthritic from pushing a paint brush for years and everything I enjoy involves hand work. Then I got downright pissy over the design of the splining tool. If I had a buck for every tool I've picked up that is only designed for a man's large hand as opposed to my small one, I wouldn't have to work for a living. Poor Jimmy had to look up 3 times as I angrily complained: "Look how dam fat this handle is. It's made for a gorilla !" As if pointing this out 3 times was helping? lol.
Well I am puffed because my screening efforts turned out so well regardless of it being my first attempt and my hand size disability. Ya gotta love nylon black screening as it appears almost invisible. Jimmy aptly dubbed me as the "screen queen" last night and I didn't argue a bit with this noble title he bestowed on me.
If any of you girls out there reading this has ever re-screened something, my hats off to you. If your husband ever does this, for the love of God, have his favorite pie coming out of the oven, ready as a well deserved reward, lol. Mastering re-screening is way up there on the scale with wallpapering as far as exactness and no room for error.

We're insane for taking this project on in the last 48 since we have guests arriving today before noon. Sure Jimmy has to work today and I have to finish screening the porch, shop, clean the house, do neglected paperwork and decorate the porch. Oops, gotta water my plants too. "It's all good", as Jimmy always says. And, I agree with you suzy, "Sometimes it all just comes together."
~di

Thank you, ALL, for your wonderful stories. We lead such complicated lives and then there are those serendipitous moments.

How am I singing with the Gods? It's hard to describe in words,Suzy because it's more a state of mind than actual happenings and I don't know if I can explain it very well. I've started seeing my days as little vignettes full of sunshine rather than one long day full of this and that. In between these times of contentment and happiness,are patches of crapola for want of a better word.Therefore every day has it's peaks and valleys and there is no such thing as a bad day anymore. No period of any extended time can be all good or all bad. For example,take yesterday. Up early and for an hour I was outside with cup of coffee sitting on the deck watching all the birds zapping in and out at the bird feeder with their new families. It was just beautiful sitting out there in all that tranquility. Several deer and wild turkeys made their way across woods bordering our property. Later on,I had to go work in the library but before that paid my weekly visit to a very old acquaintance who has had cancer for several year but doing ok. She is a real pain in the neck and I get a headache everytime I leave her. She calls me almost every day. She has so much going for her..a wonderful home,enough money to have just about anything she wants,and people in and out to help her when she needs it. Still..all she does is whine and complain and cares about no one but herself. She's alone so that's why I visit her. From there I went to the library and it was incredibly hot in there and someone left it in a real mess so I did a lot of cleaning up in a room that was 85..which is too hot for me. So that was my "valley." When I got home DH had a pina colada waiting because he knew I'd probably need a real picker upper about then. While drinking it,grandson called to say hi and the three of us are going to an art festival today and then out for dinner later in the week and then on to see Harry Potter. That was another peak in my day. So....two peaks and one valley. How can you beat that ...I'm singing with the Gods and it's all just a matter of how I look at each day.

Sometimes I have to search for the peaks or make an effort
to make my own.
Yesterday Neil and I just got in the car and started
driving. We had no particular destination in mind except
that I wanted to go to the mountains.
I was born in Virginia and the mountains are my refuge.
I feel at peace there.
We stopped on the top and looked out over the valleys
stretching as far as the eye could see. Beautiful views
that just soak deep into your whole being.

We kept on driving and talking and drinking in the beauty
and serenity of the mountains, stopping to have lunch and
then driving some more.

I closed out the day with some fresh green beans, squash
and fried green tomatoes, comfort food at it's finest.

When I sat down at the computer I had an email from a
rescue shelter about a fur baby I want to adopt. I've
filled out an application and furnished references so
maybe we'll soon have another little one to love and spoil.

You're right, Suzy, it all just comes together sometimes.

Last October, I was befriended by the oddest person, a Lieutenant Colonel who I affectionately call the curmudgeon. He's crusty, a bit tattered around the edges, wears his rank so well that I had to remind myself that I'm scrappy and he didn't scare me. He was like an old book whose pages were stuck together and I was determined to pull them apart and read what was written. He fascinated me. Come to find out, he and I were stationed in Germany together when he was a mere Lieutenant. It was a lifetime ago, both of us were married, had children, had our hearts broken, and have now been separated for years. As I pulled those pages apart, it seemed we had lived parallel lives and my fascination grew.

We've become close friends since then, we talk almost daily, and we have learned a lot from each other, our strengths and weaknesses, how to trust, how to laugh, how to breathe again. He has 17 days left here and will be transferred to a new duty assignment a few states away. I can honestly say that, although he will leave a hole in my life and I will miss having a friend to talk to daily, I'm not feeling that desserted feeling I have felt before. Perhaps because I know that what we have is a solid friendship? I think so.

DS has been away at BS camp this week and I missed him terribly. The curmudgeon and I had talks about kids and ex's one day. He has 3 boys who live with their mother in another state, he loves and misses those boys more than any man I've ever known. I admire that even though it pains me to watch him struggle with his emotions. I confessed to him that my last relationship ended because I was ignoring my child and giving my all to him. When I realized what I was doing and changed direction, the relationship fell apart. And we all know how devestated I was. After being chastized by my Mum and feeling like hell for almost two years, he said something that I needed to hear. He told me that I was a good person who had her priorities straight, and that put me in the minority of single women who "get it". It's not so much the words he said, it's the fact that they came from a man. A man who definitely "gets it" also. I sat at my desk and cried that day, tears of relief that have finally washed the past two years off the slate. I know I can move forward now.

He called me yesterday to tell me he had taken a pass and was on his way to see his boys since his move will take him farther away from them. I asked him if this was a spur of the moment decision, he's not a spur of the moment type person, and if it had anything to do with our conversation about our children. He laughed, a bit surprised that I could see right through him, and said yes. I'm glad. It made me feel like I had a positive impact on his life. He certainly has had a positive impact on mine.

DS left BS camp today and, instead of going home with his father and his live in GF, he came home to me. Instead of feeling like my child is taking pity on his lonely Mum, I see it as validation for my actions.

I "get it", and, yes, sometimes it all just comes together...