Ah well, I am with Ken to a point, having also moved to 5 acres.....but, I have gone into a strangely experimental mode where I am inclined to forgive myself all failures since I have been cut entirely adrift from all prevailing trends, whims, visions and proven methods. I really haven't a clue where I am going with this but at the same time, I am insanely excited to be completely free from any demands, ideals, aspirations......all stuff which has dogged me in the past, often rendering gardening quite demoralising and upsetting when I have failed to live up to my exacting standards (always difficult when battling an innate idleness). Being on a public allotment brought out a previously hidden (family disagree) competitive streak in me and I had very clear ideas of what I wanted to achieve....and some years I did (but the work, the effort, the stress!). However, 5 acres of neglected plantation and no money......well, all bets are off, I can do as I like and no-one expects anything much. I do....but a lot of it will be out of my hands - I am just introducing some variety and standing back to watch the battle for world domination. Welsh poppies, hesperis matronalis, lunaria redivia....what can possibly go wrong? I would have to say that death and attrition were never very far away in my gardens anyway .....I have killed many, many more plants than I care to recount, some mourned (briefly) while others departed on the end of a fork.....or trodden to death....or froze, shrivelled, starved, beheaded by hoe, died of a broken heart. I became callous and hard-hearted years ago when I had teenagers.

I read your post with interest. I think I share some of those sentiments. If you really were just joking, then ignore me. I sometimes misinterpret the subtle humour expressed. I was surprised you didn't get more responses. I've been thinking about your points. Anyway, here's my take: 1. Downsizing is definitely on my mind, in the garden and indoors. I've been looking around the house at all my houseplants and realizing I have far too many. They are starting to annoy me. 2. The thought has occurred to me that I do pass up opportunities to travel, because no one would be here to care for my garden. Spring travel would be difficult because I have seedlings started. Fall travel is difficult because there's so much to do to prepare the garden for winter. I hate the idea of winter travel. So what's left? 3. There have been times in the spring, when I work from morning till night in the yard and realize that no one else in their right mind would want to work like that. Yes I have created a monster. 4. Yes, painkillers are required. 5. I am not a collector of any one species of plant. I'm more of a general collector. I have a hard time being selective. So I have too many types of plant to work with. 6. Yes, I agree, all daylilies look alike. 7. Don't have bamboo, so can't comment on that. 8. I am certainly happy to dig up and share almost anything in my yard. 9. I love visiting garden centres, but seldom buy anything. I know the amount of time I spend on garden.web is excessive. There are times when I honestly feel I could just walk away from my garden and not care. I'm starting to think more along the lines of low maintenance shrubs, but haven't taken the plunge yet. So am I just suffering from a case of the blahs, or is it time for a serious change in gardening attitude?

(((newdawn))) And thanks for the explanation, stinky...I guess I get it, kind of like the idea that you choose your emotional reaction to everything that happens to you, *although* with the caveat that I think in certain circumstances (maybe not your hair falling out, or your breasts dropping to your waist :)) it's important to right a wrong or correct an injustice in addition to freeing yourself from the sense that the injustice can rule you emotionally. There *are* crimes, still, and unethical behavior, etc., and they need to be addressed, not just dismissed or "emotionally freed" from, as it were...thinking about the work my DD's doing on Mandela and the struggle to end apartheid, for example. Mandela and many in the ANC are a perfect example of freeing himself from a first-level bitterness and aiming toward a restorative justice. But not a 'oh, forget it' pseudo-justice, iykwim which invalidates the experience and very real losses of the crime. While that's a really 'writ-large' version, I think there are also events like that on smaller scales that merit the same treatment... Speaking of fear, etc., did anyone see the masterpiece Theatre film last Sunday entitled "Endgame"? (not Beckett's piece, but a piece about the negotiations around the end of apartheid) It was *brilliant* and had many lines that relate to EFT, actually, to absorb and watch played out. We got so much out of it in so many ways...it's really worth the time if it gets rescreened. We're actually thinking of buying a copy to study.

See my post just under your's....fairly similar situation, except my SS has taken it even further. I sure wish I had some answers, but in my case I think it comes down to he is going to be this person he is, which is a bad person, until life slaps him in the face and he grows up.