Still have lots of plants that need to go. I have enjoyed the visits from all that came. Lookin g forward to more visits. The only things that I know that I am looking for is a MilkeyWay EEar, a Red/greed leaf Weigelia, and any Camellia. No trade is necessary to get plants.

Annie, I'm so glad you took the time to get in touch with me. I know you've had a rough time since the 19th, including being the one who has to actually make 'that' decision. You are loved by so many people here that it hurts to think of you having to do so much more...again. I'm so glad you have the dating winner in your life along with the girls and the wee ones. Make sure to take care of Annie in the months ahead. She is soooo very worth it. Love ...Maureen

My SD9 wants to live with her mom. We asked her why? She says it's more fun there. She misses her mom and when she goes there, it's 'do whatever you want'. She's competing for her mom's attention with the BF and his three kids. She thinks if she is there, mom will pay more attention to her since her mom ignores her when she's here.. and sometimes when she's there too. The bottom line, it's up to both parents to agree on what's best for the child and when they can't agree, a Judge will decide. Changing custody is usually not an easy task, but laws also differ state to state. In CA, there has to be a significant change in circumstances for a Judge to consider changing custody once there is an order. I also see the courts favoring 50/50 or significant co-parenting when possible and if your arrangement is working, there wouldn't be any reason to change it. It really is sad that they are threatening to take her away if she talks about what goes on in their house. I would tell her that you want her to be happy in both homes & you are fine not knowing what happens or what is said at dad's house. However, I would let her know that if there is anything serious or dangerous going on, she needs to tell an adult. Let her know it's okay to tell her counselor or a teacher or any other trusted adult if she isn't supposed to tell you. (of course, as a parent I would want my child to come to me but I would also rather not cause any added anxiety. Plus, some kids will learn to manipulate the situation when they know what to say and how everyone will react)

It sounds like you're in for some serious decision making. I'm 24 married to a 36 year old with 2 kids (7 and 5) We've been married for 2+ years and lived together for a year and a half before that (I had just turned 20 when we moved in together. Vivian is completely right when she says that is extremely hard to be a step parent. I was ready to take on 2, so perhaps you are ready as well...however, remember that you would have been younger than the oldest child is, when she was born...There will likely be some 'issues' related to that...also if he's anticipating losing contact with his kids if he introduces you, you need to understand that that could last a lot longer than a "couple of months". When My DH's ex figgured out that I was a 'permanent fixture' in DH's life, she completely cut him off from all contact with his kids. (It's been 3.5 YEARS). If your bf's ex decides to take this stance, there is nothing you can do to stop her...she will drain all your (or his) money with court costs and lawyers fees. She will break his heart, and he will mourn his children everyday for as long as she choses not to let him see them. She will smear his name, and try to wreck his credibility by phoning his employers or customers, and having the police phone his employers. She will file complaints with the police for no reason, except to be miserable. If she can, she will even get him charged with criminal acts. Even if she never takes it to that extreme, you need to understand that even though they may be divorced, if you live with/marry him, you will be 'married' to her as well for likely the next 15 years (until the youngest is 21). Like it or not, she will have the power to wreck his mood, or change your plans with a single phone call. (And she will, just because she can.) Are you prepared to deal with that? If your bf has already told you that his kids will always come first, you need to decide if you're really prepared for that as well. You need to seriously think of all the implications of that statement. (Read the other posts on this forum). For me, it has been the right decision. DH is a truely good man. All the garbage that his ex has put us through, and will continue to put us through, is worth putting up with because of him. However I am second to noone. We agreed on that right at the start. I understand his need to be with his kids and as such have always tried to encourage him in the fight for his kids...(don't worry dear...we don't need to go on holidays...send the cheque to the lawyer) and he knows that I am open to the prospect of having them with us full time (if we ever get the chance). I made a commitment to love them and treat them like my own, and for the brief time when we did get to see them, I did. The commitment we made to each other, to put the other first, was because I believe that if you commit to working on your relationship with your partner, and putting that relationship first, then the kids will benefit because they will be a part of a stable loving relationship. If the kids always come first, and your partner second, then eventually the 'warm fuzzies' will fade and the relationship will break down. The kids will utimately suffer because their world will (once again) be torn apart. They need stability. That stability comes from a happy home (or homes, as the case may be.) (I don't think that you have to take the second place to the kids, but for many it often seems to happen that way.) Just something to think about. For me, it was the right decision (and I was younger than you, though not as many kids). Ultimately, it's your decision, but weigh it seriously. Consider talking with bf and letting him know that if you're going to move in together, you'ld like to get to know the kids first. It's a reasonable request. If he's unwilling to consider it then you will need to find out why. Good Luck. Verena