mother-in-law hilled/dug trenches around my plants

12 years ago

While I was at work, today my MIL "helped" me in the garden, hilling the vegetables and digging trenches around them for watering. One squash plant appears to have been killed in the process and some peppers look stressed. Assuming that besides the squash, the roots were unharmed, will the plants be ok? Should I try to unhill them? If I do that I'm not sure I'll be able to tell what was the original soil level.

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Comments (22)

digdirt2
12 years ago
I'd leave them alone, water well, and expect most to recover. I think you'll be surprised how many do just that - recover. Trying to undo her work will only cause more root damage.

Dave
regaldozer
12 years ago
and mother in law damage!
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denninmi
12 years ago
I've known more than one person who would have enjoyed digging a trench for their MIL.
wayne_5 zone 6a Central Indiana
12 years ago
I would rake a portion of the soil back in and water well if needed.
glib
12 years ago
I too sense that this was not the only time MIL did something wrong.
1dahlia4me
Original Author
12 years ago
Hmm, didn't mean to let my frustration show. Should have said "a relative."

Thanks, Dave and Wayne. Dave, that made me feel better yesterday although I didn't have time to respond then. I watered everything well, and the dirt around the plants was still loose, so I gently brushed the real loose stuff away. I'll be heading out soon to see how they are.

She also weeded out my borage -- kind of have to laugh at that one, annoyed as I am. It does look like a weed.
Tiffany, purpleinopp Z8b Opp, AL
12 years ago
Why was she messing with your garden? Do you live with her (or her with you?) That's a bummer about your borage. I've never thought it looked like a weed. Wasn't it pretty big by now? That's got to be irritating that she thought you'd let weeds just grow like that. This is the kind of thing that's easy to end up sounding petty if you try to talk to her about it. Do you think she was geniunely trying to help thinking you are maybe too busy or was she "showing you the right way to do it?"

You can find your zone here. If you include it in your profile info, it will show up next to your name automatically when you say something on these forums.
heirloomjunkie
12 years ago
Awww. I'm sorry. I'm getting married soon, and am a little worried about things like that too. Although I don't think my future MIL would step foot into a garden to work. Ha!

I would think things will recover though. My plants always suprise me.
ediej1209 AL Zn 7
12 years ago
My MIL was an avid gardener and always had the most amazing veggies. I wasn't much into gardening until several years after she passed away and boy would I love to have her input now. Anyway, yeah, most plants are pretty resilient and should bounce back well with a little TLC.
Edie
nullzero
12 years ago
I would sit down with the MIL, and explain the focus of the garden. If she is willing to help, she needs to be educated on how to help.
thisisme
12 years ago
I believe this is called MIL-Blight.

Seriously though I would love to have some help in the garden. What she did is something that some gardeners do before planting. Not everyone plants that way but its as good a way as any. Who knows; she may be a good gardener and just thought she could do now what she would do before planting. Like others have said I would talk to her. Who knows, she may become a great asset to you and your garden.
digdirt2
12 years ago
thisisme makes a good point. Hilling and trenching around the plants are common practices for many gardeners and have been around for decades. It has its benefits too.

As for the borage, that is just a matter of not being familiar with it. Betcha 8/10 people would think its a weed if they didn't know better.

She was trying to help and that is more than can be said for many family members. :)

Dave
Dan _Staley (5b Sunset 2B AHS 7)
12 years ago
We do our best to keep my MIL out of the yard, as ~ once a year disaster follows in her wake, and several times a year annoyances follow in her wake. So far this year nothing big...

Dan
Donna
12 years ago
I have been married for 36 years. The first month we were married, MIL drove 500 miles to visit, unannounced. While I was at work on that Friday, she did all my laundry (all my undies too), cooked dinner, and cleaned our apartment. (The message I received, was "you are incapable of taking care of my son.")I fixed supper for her that week-end and her comment was "aren't you going to take that nasty skin off the chicken?". It was downhill from that point on.

Ten years ago, she grew very ill and came to live with us, (My husband is her only child, and she divorced many years ago). Has been here ever since and will be, likely, until she dies. And so, here we were with 26 years worth of unresolved issues between us (but "between" felt like a very small space).

My advice to you comes from first hand experience. Resolve it NOW. No matter how difficult it may feel, no matter how your imagination warns you of horrible conflict, speak calmly, but honestly, now. Listen to her side. Arrive at a reasonable agreement for you both. These things have a way of growing deep roots, broad canopies, and coming to live with you. Boy do I wish I had followed that advice.

I should tell those who are interested that we have found peace over the years, thanks to God and my wonderfuly patient husband, but the first few years were beyond awful. I now know that for the most part, our conflicts were far more misunderstandings than fact. So again, I reiterate, don't wait until MIL is old and senile. Get it right while you are both young and have some space. It will be worth the effort.

Sorry if this sounds preachy.
denninmi
12 years ago
Well, if you really want to hear MIL horror stories, my mother's about her MIL, my late grandmother, pretty much takes the cake, IMHO. When they first met, grandma took my mom aside and said explicitly, "well, you're not good enough for my son, but you'll have to do, because I'm a very sick woman and I won't be around much longer."

This was in 1948. She died in 2001. 53 years of that relationship was a lot for my mom to endure.

Oh, yeah, grandma was as healthy as a horse until about 2 weeks before she died, at 97 1/2 years old. Her only illness was hypochondria.

My dad was her only child, too.

My mother certainly took this all to heart, she has been a great MIL to my two sisters' husbands, and they both love her dearly.

Sorry, I know its got nothing to do with gardening.
1dahlia4me
Original Author
12 years ago
Hmm, this struck a nerve, lol.

My in-laws live with us for 6 months to a year every other year or so. They like to work and have helped a ton, though sometimes it backfires. MIL has grown a lot of vegetables in her home country. I praised some hilling and trenching she did around some young seedlings a few days ago, so she did the rest of the garden for me. I'm sure hers have never gotten to be full-grown with developed root systems before they got the treatment.

We've had our share of issues learning to live together, but it's a lot better now than it used to be. They're leaving to go back to their home in a couple days.

Thanks for the words of wisdom. :)
Trishcuit
12 years ago
Two cannibals are having dinner together.

Cannibal 1: I hate my mother in law.

Cannibal 2: That's OK, just eat your noodles.
Belgianpup
12 years ago
Get some of those lath strips and label them, and stick them next to your 'weeds'.

If you think MILs are bad in the garden, try HUSBANDS! You suggest they help you pull some weeds, and they pull all your darling plants 'by mistake'.

It wasn't a mistake, they wanted to make sure you never ask them to help weed again. Usually seems to work, too.

Sue
SugarSnapMama01
12 years ago
LOL this thread cracks me up. My MIL and I spent 20 years trying to establish boundaries. Shwew! What a ride. We adore each other now.
My MIL once climbed in our kitchen window - since we were gone and didn't answer the door - and was waiting for us in the kitchen looking quite comfortable when we got home. Yeeeeah. Nice huh? That's what you get when your MIL is a retired Police Officer. Haaaa! No stoppin' the sass on that lady, that's for sure!
Hilling and trenching are methods many Gardeners...especially the old school gardeners... swear by. Unfortunately, its supposed to be done when you plant. Not at this stage in the game. LOL Oh well. MILs like to feel they are useful. In fact...they often ARE quite useful. Find what it is she's good at, and ask her advice on it. She'll love that!
Trishcuit
12 years ago
belgianpup,
That seems a popular tactic for many chores they don't really want to do. Intentionally SUCKING at something is a very useful ploy.
nygardener
12 years ago
I think some of these problems happen because gardening looks easy. Also, many people want to think of themselves as nurturers of the earth or intrepid farmers, as the case may be. They demonstrate their prowess by "helping" with your garden, and by not asking questions. A common feature of the type: not being interested in the boring stuff, like removing stones, thinning, watering seed beds, close weeding, or trimming edges.
Trishcuit
12 years ago
Well if the hilling and trenches give favorable results then they can be HER job next spring.

mother-in-law hilled/dug trenches around my plants

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digdirt2

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mother-in-law hilled/dug trenches around my plants

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