Christian has been mesmerized with law officers since he was little bitty. His favorite show has always been "COPS." I watch it with him because of content and we always talk about what the person did wrong, why the police had to do what they did, that the person arrested is having to accept the consequence of his actions, etc. Actually, the theme from COPS was one of the first songs he learned. LOL!! He LOVES to play COPS with his little nephew and nieces. They played for a couple hours at my son's house the day I was stopped. When they play COPS at my house, Christian is always 'the good guy' and rides his 4-wheeler to capture the 'bad guys.' At my son's home, the good guys and bad guys ride horses. Whenever we are close to an officer, Christian always shakes their hand and asks them about a million questions. He has probably been in the front and back of a police car more times than some of the 'bad guys' in jail. He never misses the opportunity to ask and, so far, he has never been refused. No, I never know what is going to cause a melt-down but I had a pretty good idea when I realized those blue lights were for me that one was coming on. We have always talked about police being our friends, are there to help us, and to keep us safe. (My son-in-law is an ex-policeman so he has shown Christian a lot of 'bad guy' holds that police use.) I feel his reaction was based solely on the police was after HIS Mama. Made a HUGE difference in his reaction. After we pulled away, Christian started verbalizing some resentment towards the officer. I explained to him that the officer was doing what he was supposed to do...making sure people drive safely and follow the laws to keep everyone safe. I explained that I was the one at fault...I was driving over the speed limit and should have been paying better attention to my speed. And, how NICE the officer was because he could have given me a ticket for breaking the driving law but he just asked me to slow down and be careful. For the remainder of my drive home, I could still see the bum-fuzzled look on the officer's face. LOL Not sure if I felt worse for him or for Christian. Jan, Jan, Jan. I'll never live that down, will I? "I've been driving for the same amount of time, and I've never had a moving violation either. It's easy. Don't break traffic laws. Or, get lucky and don't get caught. Either one works." This pretty much sums up why I haven't been stopped in all these years. A lot of luck.

Oh how I read your posting and my heart goes out to you. I lost my sweet Dad too, it was 2 years ago in August. So many of the details that you described about your Dad's condition were present with my Dad too. Your story brought back my memories. I know losing someone that you love so much is just gut wrenching. It is so tramautic. To me, it's like post tramautic stress disorder, the act of losing that special person is so mentally draining, something you only go through when you love someone so much. After I lost my Dad, well it was so hard. But my Mom was so miserable without my Dad. We all immediately focused on helping Mom to manage without him. But 7 months later we lost Mom. Mom was my best friend, along with my Dad. Now there both gone. How do I manage without them? I don't even know. I was so very lost in the beginning, and so very angry. There were so many unforgiveable surrounding circumstances. So many things made it harder to bear. I, too am so sad that my kids don't have their grandparents, that loved them so much, and I feel so cheated. They still have a paternal grandpa, but it's not the same. And it IS hard to hear them talk about my husband's father. But I'm glad my husband has HIS dad, and I talk about MY parents to them. And show them things they bought them, and cards from them. And we have pictures and some videotape of them, of course I haven't been able to watch those yet. I just think that your grief never completely goes away. But you do figure out how to get by each day without them. Other things and people come into the picture to help you figure that out. I'm just sad now, not so angry anymore. I guess because I believe in Heaven and I believe they are there. And I look forward to seeing them again. And I believe they are together and in no more pain. I am sad that they miss out on my life but I believe they can see me and my family and I look to the sky for them. Death is a part of life but we still never want to let go. I would have been just of sad had my parents lived to be 100. Just hang in there. Love your children and your husband each day. Thank God for them and for the time you had with your Dad. I've been reading a book "Motherless Daughters". It is very validating for me with my feelings but it also reminds me of how so many people lost their parents before they were even grown. I'm so glad my parents got to see my kids. My last child was an unexpected girl, after 2 boys. I'm so glad that they knew her and could share in those moments with me. Hugs to you.

Do you *honestly* believe he's not even flirting online anymore? And are you completely comfortable that he'll be faithful to you while he's deployed and his buddies all go off tail-hunting? Because if you don't seriously believe that, and if you don't trust him 100% to be faithful, then what you have isn't really a good marriage. You can admit it now, get a quickie divorce, and try again in a little while as a woman who's older and wiser. Or you can string this thing out until you catch him again and he admits it but promises never to do it again, or 'sorta' catch him but don't have 100% proof and he denies it, or maybe just 'smell a rat' but can't prove it beyond a doubt. This gut simply doesn't sound 'beyond a doubt' trustworthy. Honestly, I'm NOT one to give up on a marriage easily, and ended up staying in a bad marriage for a long, long time. But now that I'm older and wiser, I'd say take a good hard look at what you've got, and without cleaning it up and 'fixing' him (he won't change) -- decide if that's the marriage you want. Then decide. If it's not the marriage you want, End It! You've got no kids. You don't *have* to try to work it out. Unless you see concrete proof that he's really, really changed, I honestly wouldn't believe it. And new passwords is certainly NOT proof that he's changed. If anything, it's proof that he hasn't.

Thank you for your input. I do believe that nothing will change and the kids will always just get their way and be spoilt to their own detriment. I can't live like this because myself and my brothers were not raised this way. I am not use to bad manners and no respect. It infuriates me almost daily and makes me not like the boys. Some people might think that kids don't know what they doing, but trust me they know exactly how to behave to get what they want and its always bad. Sometimes I think they just not normal kids because I have never seen this before. But i do understand that the father and grandparents are to blame because the kids learn from them. When I know the kids are coming to visit, the anxiety builds up every single time without fail and that isn't normal. I can't accept this for the rest of my life and I guess at the end of the day it is okay if I get out. I just had to come to terms with the entire situation and that it really isn't normal behaviour because my boyfriend made it seem like I'm overreacting and that I take things too serious. Thank you