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Landscape Design Forum FAQ

17 years ago

We hope the following FAQ will help new visitors in getting the assistance they so richly deserve. Please feel free to add your own observations to the "official" FAQ provided here.

Why dont people respond to my posts?

There could be several reasons why people do not respond to your posts, but the most likely one is that you are probably not using correct Landscape Design language. For instance, unlike other forums, we do not "post" a reply here, we "compost." In the same vein, witticisms here are not "humorous," they are "humus." Please consult the Landscape Design forum glossary for more information.

Another reason people may not be responding to your posts erhm composts is that they may be too vague. Please note that this is a Landscape Design forum, not a Landscape DIY forum. If you write in asking our long-suffering denizens to landscape your front yard for you, without any sign of effort or forethought on your part, they will not find this humus. They will ignore you and think you are a cadÂ. or not. It depends on who answers your post first. To avoid this fate, a) post only on the full moon when all but our most tolerant members are out enjoying a bacchanal or b) do some research, apply some thought, and ask more focused questions.

I do not see vegetarian options here. What is up with that?

At one time, we did have a vegetarian section. However, several members made a convincing argument that people who eat landscaping should not have special privileges and possibly need to be restrained. Due to the threat of a turf war, the section was removed.

I understand that members here are a "friggin pain" and often "loony." I am also told that people here are cold and mean and will make me pay for advice. Is there any truth to this?

Sadly, there is. We tell people that so that they will stop pestering us with requests to landscape their lot (see above), which allows us to actually get in some gardening time. Ok, just kidding. Actually, the terms you mention are corruptions by lay persons of the words "frigipan" and "loamy." These refer to soil condition, not our members. Well, at least not to most of them.

I donÂt seem to be getting the help I need.

The Psychiatric Hotline is only a phone call away.

What is the difference between a "garden" and "landscaping"?

An excellent question. An exhaustive poll of our members, as well as a very heated discussion, did produce a definitive answer everyone could agree on: garden proceeds landscaping in the dictionary.

I am so glad I found this forum. I need a landscape really, really fast that is low-maintenance, comes in different pretty colors but is, you know, adaptable. It has to be rugged and tough, because I have three kids and five dogs, but also elegant enough for when I entertain corporate clients. I donÂt have much time for weeding or watering, so please factor that in. Did I mention I need this ASAP? What do you have for me?

Concrete.

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