Yes, feeling a little low tonight as I think of my brother Michael. Taken away from us many years ago now, but still very present. He was hit by a drunken driver on his way home after work. The driver ran away immediately afterwards. Saw an old picture a couple of days ago and it only just dawned on me the impact this had on the whole family. In the picture, I felt we were a whole family that had never experienced any major grief. Life was good in our middle class lives. The person that fatally hit my brother was taken to court and we were award a small amount of money. He laughed when he was aloud to go free. He was the top tax man in the South West of Avon in the UK. Free mason and so they do take care of their own there. I knew nothing about this organisation when my father spoke of it, but being a Policeman my father and his colleagues knew who they were. My father was so disillusioned with this experience he retired early and moved to NZ where we still are. The happiness of family life never returned. My father stayed out working for most of the time and we the family felt abandoned in a new country actually living in a isolated spot with no transport. From being surrounded with family and friends from childhood security was always there. The locals seemed quite hostile to us being from the mother country, this is almost no existent now due to the number of Poms now living here. When I was older, I returned to the homeland to meet some of the Police who convinced me of the strength of Freemasons and their influence. I have been offered a couple of times here, but politely refused. Going back to the picture, the loss of my brother, the grief feels so overwhelming. I ask for prayer to help me to sleep, I will indeed pray. My brother was training to join the Household Cavalry. He was officer material the Sargent had said and we were all so proud of him. The man that killed him had gone back to the pub that night and created a cover story in case the police found him. Apologies for jumping like this, just not feeling too happy, and this feels like a good outlet. It has been a long time since anyone wrote on here, but just releasing some of the pain into cyber space just may be a good outlet for me right now. It is 1am in the morning and I must go to bed soon. The horror and grief this person has put us through. Never an apology, even by letter ;o(. Little things the number of my brothers private gun 19, his number 24499694. Memorised since the age of 12 years, I am now 46. The picture has him wearing his favourite jumper and the watch received on Christmas day - he was wearing both of these on the day he was taken from us. They obviously looked very different following this incident. My father once told me, that my brother apparently made a lot of noise - maybe not the best thing to know. We were not there for him, we were warm tucked away in our beds, whilst he suffered in agony. Can you hear my pain? My father has now passed away, my mother becoming more frail and the memories shared.............................. I miss you Michael. Thank you Ian

Hey CLB, that's awesome! I'm seeing a lot more contrast with the sofa in the second photo--is it a cool color? Just wondering... Snooks, for light and airy I'd ask for a cool grey and for cozy a warm grey....is there such a thing as a totally neutal grey? Just wondering... Robo, I'm already thinking of blackboard paint for the end wall in the kitchen, so I can write reminders to myself b4 going out the door! Instead of the accent wall behind the hutch, I might paint or paper the back of the shelves,,something reversible since it's a family piece. I've started a spreadsheet to store these suggestions & ideas so I don't forget them.

I realized others had an L middle name, so I skipped straight to the end so as not to copy anyone... Middle name............L Animal.....................Lemur Girl's name...............Laurie Boy's name..............Leonard (everyone in my life is a nerd. Go Big Bang!) Color.........................Lilac Name of movie...........Ladyhawke Something you wear...lederhosen Drink....................latte Food..................... lobster Place..................... Loire Reason to be late...lateness (never late!) ____________ and now that I can check google--L for something you wear. How about lace, leather. I never would've thought of levis, leggings, lingerie, and lipstick. Good ones.

About a thousand years ago, I was a runner. I had a nice little runner's body. But then I got sick and couldn't run anymore and I sure packed on the pounds. It made me feel so bad about myself. A friend was asking me to go out to some clubs with her and I told her that I looked hideous and couldn't stand to go out in public looking so out of shape.... She just looked at me with her mouth hanging open. She had struggled her whole life with her weight and has always weighed a lot more than I do. I was only thinking of myself when I said I looked hideous and I honestly didn't even "see" her size, she was just my friend in my eyes. But I insulted her nonetheless. I still cringe when I think about it. We often say things only thinking of how we see the world. Posting photos of young, thin, attractive white people and lamenting how awful their hair looks can make a portion of the world who can never look like that feel badly about themselves. There is a whole lot of pressure out there for young women - particularly for young women of color - to have their hair look a certain way. If someone had posted a picture of their actual granddaughter looking this exact same way, people would be gushing about how beautiful she was. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm happy for you. Really - that's not sarcasm. I know this wasn't posted with the intent to make people feel bad. I'm just throwing out another perspective to consider....