A cry for help: Domestic Violence hand signal
jakkom
2 years ago
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eld6161
2 years agoRelated Discussions
Husband flirting on facebook - Help Please - sorry it's so long
Comments (72)OK ladies...I need some help here. I am not married, but have been in a relationship for 14 months and we live together. I have had a problem in the past of sending suggestive messages to women online. Recently I sent a message to a girl I knew from a bar that I used to go to alot. Haven't seen this girl in probably 2 years or more maybe and were just friends and not very good friends at that. One day while she was away with her daughter at a gymnastics meet, I sent a suggestive message...which was never answered...My GF has looked through my phone on several occasions looking at who I talk to (when we first started seeing each other I was chatting with an old friend I hadnt seen for 20 years...I was very wrong in what I did there and it stopped well before she ever found it on my phone) I have messaged friends and said things that she thought suggestive and I should have worded my responses better. for instance, a friend was at a bar drinking and instead of saying as she says, I am with mhy GF I can't, I said wish I cold join you, but maybe another time. I honestly didnt mean anything by that as we had only been friends and that was it. another instance was I am in fantasy football and one of my leagues there is a girl, a friend for over 2 years and she has been seeing a friend of mine. she was new to the sport last few years and often texted me for advice. Once week while I was going to play versus her team, I reponded 'I'm gonna eat you up" - I am a former semi pro footbal player and that's just how trash talk goes...meant nothing suggestive at all...in hindsight, I now see that maybe my responses could have been much different. the message the day of the gymnastics meet was back in October...I haven't done anything since then but she still constantly monitors my facebook messaging. I honestly have not been chatting with anyone at all. I rarely even get on there at all. she see my messnger getting logged into and will send me messages to see if I will respond. sometimes I never get them because I am not even on there, or I will get them much later and respond to her. I just thought that my chat being logged in on FB was the reason. come to find out it is the Messenger App that has always been logged into on my conmputer and on my phone....I NEVER use it..but because of the thing last Oct...she doesnt believe anything I say and is even questioning a long lunch I had with my boss where we we drinking...which is what I told her I was doing. Please, please what can I do...she is going to leave me and she is newly pregnant with my child and I love her so much..I need help to try and get her to let me back in and re-gain her trust.. I am just lost and so sorry for all I have done wrong to her. but I really do love her and want to Marry her. I have been true to her 100% except the messages I spoke of and maybe a few others that I unintentionally said the wrong thing.... HELP!!!...See MoreHeartbreak over my son's illness and behavior
Comments (5)Thank you both so much for your kind words and advise. Mental illness is so incredibly hard for a parent to bear. Since my son was 14 years old, he has struggled with dishonesty and was caught stealing several hundred dollars from my ex-brother-in-law. Then, during a period of time, he was faking "grand mal seizures" in front of me. Since he was previously diagnosed with epilepsy when he was 9 years old, there was no reason for me to doubt that these seizures were not real. I was constantly calling "911" until I finally brought him to UCLA to be put on telemetry (they hook him up to something that, not only can sense his brain waves, but it records the seizures). At one point, the neurologist realized that the seizures were not real. So, he did a "test" on my son to make sure. To my absolute devastation, he was faking the seizures and that's when my true struggles began. The doctor felt that - due to my son's medical issues, as well as being raise without a father, etc. - that it might be helpful for him to be admitted into the psychiatric ward at the hospital. He ended up spending close to 3 months in the hospital during which time - they weaned him off of his epilepsy medication (thinking that he really wasn't epileptic). Even when Michael said that he was having seizures, he was no longer believed by the doctors. Once he was discharged (and continuing to have seizures, this time losing bladder control during them), I had to take him to another hospital for testing (UCLA no longer wanted to be involved with the testing). This time, it was confirmed that he not only had epilepsy, but it was a form of epilepsy that he would never outgrow. Since this time, he just continued to spiral downhill and out of control. And, sadly, I spiraled along with him. Being my only child and, being that I raised him solely by myself, I had no idea what was wrong with him. For so many years, I felt that it was "only" because of me and the way that I raised him. I was overprotective, never wanted him to "fall". I never understood "why" he lied, only that he lied about everything in his life. There seemed to be nothing that he didn't lie about. It wasn't until the last 2 years (and all the "911" phone calls from me to the police, and all the trips to the hospital), that things finally started to make sense to me. But, even though I now know that he has a mental illness, it didn't stop the heartache that I feel in my life. It's almost like I am watching him die (always wondering when he may "actually" kill himself) on on a daily basis. But, there is never any closure. I feel that - in order for ME to LIVE and experience happiness again - that HE first has to be healthy. But, then I have to realize that this day may never come for him. After so many years of me being a devoted mom to Michael, I finally met a wonderful man in my life; however, the last 2 years have been so emotionally stressful and draining on both of us. We are in constant anxiety. I spend so much of my time being so worried about my son that I forget to remember all the people that are in my life who WANT me to be part of THEIR lives again. For so long, I feel only like I am a shell of a person. I have finally (last week after, yet one more episode from my son threatening suicide, then showing me the respect that I deserve) - decided that I need to back away. I finally said (in a text message that we were having) - that I would no longer allow him treating me like yesterday's trash. No matter how much I tried to be on his side giving him support, he treated me like I meant nothing. Deep inside, I know that he loves me. When he seems "more normal", he can be kind and caring, but these days are few and far between lately. But, I still need to focus on the reality of things. I cannot communicate with him if it means that "I" am the one that will suffer. And, as "I" suffer, my boyfriend (as well as the people who care most about me) suffers, as well. I just need to keep this feeling of "strength" up. I need to live MY life, even though my son seems to not want to live "his". If for no-one else, I need to live it for my absolutely wonderful grandsons. They are the light of my life. They give me purpose in my life and make me "want" to smile. I will not allow them to see the sadness that I feel inside. They are a huge reason for me living. And, yes, I "need" to learn how to put myself first. I just need to tell my "heart and mind" this..... Thank you again....See More2 oldest stepkids are out of control, help?
Comments (3)You certainly have a full plate going on here. And no, you're not a bad person for feeling what would be normal and expected frustration. I think you're due a break yourself...the day in and day out has got to be taking a toll on your own mental and physical self. Can you do that? Can you arrange for some occasional help and an evening out for yourself? Maybe a housecleaner a day or two a week? Somebody who can maybe premake meals for the freezer on Sunday afternoons so you can just pull them out during the week? You've taken on a lot all by yourself and have both children and teens that are making things even harder than necessary. I'd say get these older kids up and into helping, but with some of their health conditions I don't know what they can and can't do...or what might set off one of their problems. I'd hate to say something like 'get that oldest kid going into action' and then have him go full blow asthma attack on you. Only you, your wife and their drs know to what extent you could push this area. Their mouthiness and bad attitude are not physical though and you really do deserve more respect than what you are being shown. Maybe a sit down family discussion with your wife fully backing you up and supporting your stand. No cooperation no treats. You don't owe them nights at the movies or other fun activities if they can't at least appreciate it and realize that such events/items are not going to be forth coming if the attitudes don't change. Reality check the little darlings. The teens especially are old enough to know that if you walked out that door along with your paycheck , housecleaning, and cooking they'd all be 'up a creek without a paddle'. They can either behave themselves and start showing some respect, stop the fighting and constant crap or you stop cooking, cleaning and handing out money. Your their step father and the only father currently willing to step up, you've taken this on as a volunteer, you're working your butt off to make a home for them all and you did it out of love...they can start appreciating it and acting a part of the family or they can figure out how they are all going to fend for themselves. If you don't begin to find some sense of relaxation and a few moments of happiness now and then you're going to destroy your own health...caretakers usually take a bigger toll on themselves than on those they are trying to care for. It's not an easy thing to do and your body will begin to pay the price....See MoreA little less DRAMA please!!!!
Comments (31)Well, I went to talk with CPS yesterday morning. I still had DGS & the CPS worker told me that if DIL comes to get him, I should call her right away. My DD19 took the baby home while I was at work and DIL showed up at my work just before closing. I told her the baby is at home with DD and she said she is taking him. (DIL smelled of alcohol... like maybe hung over but hadn't bathed?) and when she came to the house, baby was asleep. She decided to leave the baby and said she'll pick him up when he wakes up. He was still there when I got home but then DIL came back and looked like she had showered. She said she would be back to get his playpen because she didn't have the screws to put his crib together yet. After she left, I talked to my son and he told me she took the baby to her mom's house for the night. (Just a week ago, she said her mom threw her out and wasn't talking to her.. so don't know if that's true) I have tried to talk to her mom & stepdad and they are not receptive to me. Her mom had one conversation while she was still pregnant where we agreed it would be a bad idea for her to move out of state, knowing my son is being deployed. Then, when it came time to move, they were supportive of her moving so I don't get where they are coming from. He also got paid today and it was direct deposited to DIL, not our joint account. (I guess he didn't do the change in time but his next check should go into out account) It makes me wonder if that is a reason her mom is talking to her again (for now) and helping with the baby? In the last week, DIL got her hair done (colored, cut & styled) the day after my son left. Then she got her lip pierced. She was seen driving with someone yesterday by my daughter... she thought it was a guy but DIL drove off too fast. She got her apartment on Saturday but didn't move her stuff in until Wednesday and here it is Friday and I don't know if she is staying there or what she is doing. CPS worker is going to her apartment this morning to talk to her. I guess it's all about waiting now... and worrying. My son is leaving over the weekend and I guess when she called him yesterday (Veterans Day) he was at Applebee's because service members got a free meal. She accused him of going there to flirt with the waitresses and forbid him from leaving a tip. He called me last night to ask me if he eats hard cooked eggs that have been out for two or three days will make him sick. I asked him why he'd want to and he's living in their house with everything moved out so he has no other food in the house. I told him to order a pizza and he didn't want to waste the money. I practically lost it and told him that he's about to leave to Afghanistan and he deserves to order and eat WHATEVER he wants for the next three days and not to worry about what SHE says about it... it's HIS money, HE is working for it and HE is putting his life in jeopardy for it. He ordered a pizza and used the joint account we set up... probably so DIL won't see it. She gave him hell once because he bought a coke out of the machine after he had been under the moving truck, hooking up the car trailer in the heat when he was moving her to Georgia. She is UNBELIEVABLE!!!...See MoreAnnie Deighnaugh
2 years agoarcy_gw
2 years agoAnnie Deighnaugh
2 years agograywings123
2 years agoJoanMN
2 years agomaire_cate
2 years agoLars
2 years agowoodrose
2 years agonixontabis
14 days agolast modified: 9 days ago
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